My almost 4 YO hates the toilet

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We've had a few successful attempts with potty training, but we’re really struggling to get my little one (3 years 9 months) to feel comfortable using the potty or toilet. She was recently diagnosed with hypermobility, and she flat-out refuses to use either. I’m trying to keep things calm and low-pressure, because stressing her doesn’t help, but I’m starting to feel really worn down and a bit unsure of myself.
She deals with constipation and withholding, which I know ties into both the hypermobility and the fear around going. I’m just trying to figure out the right approach for her, especially as I work full-time and want to make sure whatever we try is sustainable.
Has anyone been through something similar? What helped your little one? I’ve reached out to a paediatric nurse who specialises in this, but I’d really appreciate any advice or shared experiences.

DD turned 4 at the end of October and we completely stopped using nappies (day time) over Easter due to similar issues. She has hypotonia so possibly similar? It has been a long slog but she’s finally asking to go etc. We just had to constantly try & catch wees until she’s made a proper connection with wet/dry/not liking being wet etc. We have just changed potty to a toilet style one to try get her using a toilet. It’s stressful isn’t it, especially as they get older & closer to school. After stopping 2 attempts we just decided we need to commit & be consistent. The good thing is at their age, it’s not 20 accidents a day, more like 4-5 at worst. Good luck!

Is she on laxido or movicol for the constipation / with-holding? I think it’s important to tackle that side of things firstly for her before you’ll have ongoing success. Speaking from experience with my DS! Have you checked out the ERIC website or called their helpline they were incredible for us

so a quick update. We tried again in late december giving her the three days of no pants and just reminding her the toilet is there. She is very very good at holding it (Like 7 hours despite all the pleas, attempts, running to the potty but then getting distracted) !! she had a bit of an underlying kidney infection in the end and we decided to pause it, She is getting all the attention from child care which is great(They gave her a cert last week for going unprompted) but I'm feeling like such a failure still. Her physio is going well and I'm hoping she'll be a bit more keen soon without me having to resort to that 3 day process again

It's okay just start with Huggies pullups to start

Huggies pullups are for potty training

Just start using Huggies pullups to start potty training

Hi again Op. We just had a meeting with nursery about my daughter and they said they send a child each year to school in nappies for one reason and another. Is she more interested now at all? Transferring our DD to the toilet went surprisingly smoothly, although she doesn’t generally take herself any more which is a pain. Hoping we will get back there though!

I'm in the same boat, my daughter is 4 in Augusts, starts school in Sept and is not doing well at potty training at all. We've propery tried 4 separate occasions now for over a year. She is also good at holding her wee (same 6-7 hours!). She is really really good and keen to wear knickers, sit on the potty etc. but I think she is scared to release the wee as the 2 times she has done it, she has cried her out eyes out! I think she thinks she's doing something wrong - obviously we are full of praise etc but it's like she is terrified. I don't really know what else to do to convince her it's all fine and normal! I feel like until she's actually sat on the potty and intentionally released a wee (not just gone because she can't hold it anymore) we aren't really ready to go cold turkey. Or should we!?!? Argh!