Toddler anxiety/withholding

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Hi everyone, really hoping for some advice here. This is my second attempt to potty train my 2.5 year old girl. She is very interested and showing all the signs, and will happily sit on the toilet and potty when she needs to go. The problem is she just can’t release and seems to have an anxiety about letting it out. I feel like she wants to do but she’s scared. How can I help her? I’ve tried all the tricks with water etc with no luck. Would love any advice especially from anyone who’s been through this before. Thanks 🤞🏼

Hiya - I'm following this as I'm in a similar but different boat with my 2.3 year old daughter. This is our first time trying to potty train, and she's showing all the signs and interest as of a few weeks ago. Nursery told us that she likes sitting on the potty with her friend and did a poo last week! So we had a free weekend the weekend just gone, and went for it. She was sometimes sitting on it after i prompted her when I could see clear signs, and she would go but now at home she's refusing to sit on the potty and holding in alot! She hasn't gone for a poo in 2 days now. Wondering if we need to pull the plug on it or wait it out...Sending you strength for this journey!!

It’s so hard to know isn’t it! Also wondering whether to push through and hope she gets over the fear, or take a break and try again later my worry is we take a break and come back to the same problem with a more strong willed toddler!

my fear too! She’s already so strong willed! What made you pause the first attempt?

Have you tried asking her to blow out through her mouth?

@Everythingcrossed89 she would get upset when any pee started coming out and start to tense to hold it in, at which point I thought to give it a break. She knows exactly when she needs to go and takes herself to the toilet so it’s very frustrating. I feel like she’s so ready if she can’t get past the fear!

@mixedcereal I’ve feel like I’ve tried it all, she just starts clenching once any pee starts coming out to hold it in.

Does she feel. Herself pee in her nappy ? Personally id let her go nappy free in the house and try and not make the toilet a thing if she wees her pants it is fine and hopefully you can direct her to the toilet or potty, without her getting upset,

If it’s wee she’s holding just pump her full of liquid- juice, squash, ice lollies etc. and eventually it’ll get to the point where she just can’t hold it. If she’s taking herself then let her watch TV on the potty and she’ll probably release once distracted and/or for virtue of just sitting there for long enough. If she’s not consistently yet then keep the potty within arms reach and keep her naked from the waist down so you can attempt to catch it when she starts weeing. Once she does go and if you get any of it in the potty/toilet then give her lots of praise and a small reward like a chocolate button or similar. It will click eventually. It’s actually a good sign that she can hold as once she’s over this hump she won’t have an issue holding it when you’re out if it takes a while to locate a loo.

I agree with @Coffeeishottgat you should just let her be nappy and pant free at home. Just going once in the potty might remove that anxiety.

I’m sure you’ve probably tried rewards but have you tried big rewards? Like a real fuss. We had a sticker, a chocolate coin and then a basket full of wrapped presents. The first present we just gave her (it was a toy potty for her doll as she was very into her doll at the time).

Oh yes if she is into dolls she could get a potty for her doll/teddy to play with.

Thanks so much for the advice all. So you think push through rather than pause and try again later? Yes she knows exactly when she’s peeing and pooing in her nappy and will tell me, and I need to change her immediately !

Will give it a try with the nappy off, lots of fluids so she can’t hold it in and see what happens 😂

Btw she’s my third so you’d think I’d know what I’m doing by now 🤣 my first 2 had the opposite problem, they had no awareness at all and peed on the floor happily haha

I think try to push through. She’s clearly physically ready and has the awareness. If you wait another few months there’s no guarantee you won’t come up against the same issues except she’ll be a stubborn threenager with even stronger bladder control so it’ll be even harder. At the very least I’d give it a week and then reassess.

I think you need to take her nappies off her as much as you can at home, get cheap pants if you don't want her going naked and see how you go,leave her potty lying around and try and be casual about it.

Thanks guys, this is the motivation I needed to push through, defo can see her getting more stubborn and don’t want that! Fingers crossed we get there! 🤞🏼

1 of mine withheld poo it was a nightmare, I ended up putting a night nappy on, just so they would go.

@Coffeeishot the poos are always the tough one! Tbh I am expecting trouble with poo but wasn’t expecting it with pee also.

Just wanted to come back and say thanks so much for everyone advice, I carried on and she has been doing so great, and slowly getting over the fear. I would have given up if it wasn’t for everyone encouragement so thank you 🙏🏼