Pull-ups for nursery

[GetToHeaven]

So we’ve started potty training our 3.5yo. I know it’s late but we’ve tried a few times at weekends and made no progress with constant dribbling, lots of distress etc. He has a speech and language delay which probably doesn’t help. This weekend we made some real progress (deu for hours at a time, consistent wees when put on potty) so sent him to nursery asking them to continue putting him on the potty.

Basically it’s been a total disaster with lots of accidents, potty refusal and distress. This afternoon they’ve said they don’t feel he’s ready to use the potty at nursery but if we want to continue we should send him in pull-ups. I feel like this is the opposite of all the advice I’ve read which emphasises how important it is to be consistent. At the same time, obviously I don’t want to cause him distress. He’s at nursery 4 days a week so it feels like giving up a lot of practice time.

Has anyone experienced this and what did you do? Feeling really deflated and lost.

If he's in the preschool room a big aspect from their point of view will be the ratios. They have way more kids per person, so to be taking one child constantly to the potty and getting them changed isn't feasible if they are getting upset and having loads of accidents. He is older, so as he's doing well I'd book a week off work and really get this sorted.

Unfortunately I’ve just started a new job and don’t have enough holiday accrued to take any time off.

You say we, what about your partner? Can they take time off?

Pull ups don't necessarily mean he can't still use the toilet, I'm guessing he's using an actual toilet not a potty as that would probably be very uncomfortable.

Can his dad not take some time off to give him some extra time to crack it at home before going back?

He doesn’t have any leave left either. If it comes to it, I’ll just have to take a week off in the new year to do it.

Yes, it’s usually a toilet at nursery but they tried with a potty today and it didn’t help.

Yes I’ve experienced this but with a young 2YO so it wasn’t totally unreasonable to question if they were ready, time was on our side with no worry about school nursery and also we had the holiday allowance so just took another week off to focus on it and then sorted.

I think ask for a meeting with nursery because a 3.5YO needs to be trained and pull ups are counterproductive to learning but then obviously that needs to be balanced with the capability of nursery staff and their ratios to support. I’d also consider if your partner can take time off even if you can’t and maybe think about your method and if it’s working…

Taking time off isn’t an option before the new year. We’ve tried a few methods (weeks apart) for 3-4 days at a time. I’ve sought advice from GP and HV who basically weren’t interested and said to give it a bit longer and he’d be ready. This time is the first time we’ve seen any progress but I’m acutely aware of time pressure and the fact he’s behind where he should be.

Pretty normal for any method to take at least a week to click. If you’re only giving it only 3-4 days then giving up then that would explain why you haven’t made much progress before. I know that’s not all on you, obviously lack of annual leave makes it really tough as does having a nursery that isn’t being massively helpful. But if you started on Saturday and today was day 4 and the first (or second?) nursery day then I think he’s still very much in the thick of the learning process and accidents are normal and if you have had decent progress at home I’d be really reluctant to give that up when by the sounds of it the only issue is that he’s not being given adequate time to grasp what is a big new skill.

What about if you put him in the old fashioned training pants? They’re like normal underwear but with extra crotch layers so will get any dribble (dribble is v common for boys when training) and if he has a wee accident he’ll fully feel the wet but it’ll avoid a puddle on the carpet that the staff would have to clean. You can get them from amazon if you need quick delivery.

Yeah we’re using the training pants this time and he does say they’re wet sometimes so I think they’re helping him to link the wet feeling and going on the potty. I understand nursery’s issue about ratios and not being able to clean up lots of accidents but they seem to want him to be potty trained at home then they’ll help at nursery which doesn’t seem realistic. Obviously I wanted him to be potty trained by now and it’s not that I haven’t tried or asked for help. I just feel like everyone’s told me he’ll get it when he’s ready but we don’t have the luxury of time now.

I’d perservere to be honest, the nursery must have known this would happen at some point? They’d be changing his nappy anyway? Both our nurseries have been really supportive despite plenty of accidents.