Going back to nappies for nursery

[Lk8920]

Would love some reassurance

DD is just 2, very verbal, has wanted to ‘wear pants and do poos and wees on the potty’ for ages. I know it’s young(ish) but she says when she’s going in a nappy, goes off privately for poos, can pull trousers down etc. ie lots of signs that she’s ready.

I took a long weekend and potty trained - she was great, only a couple of accidents and since Saturday afternoon said proactively when she needed to use the potty. We reminded her pretty frequently that she wasn’t wearing a nappy, but hadn’t forced her to try at regular intervals etc (this was annoying/stressing her). We’ve been out and about etc. She’s been so proud and positive.

Nursery today sounds like a different story. 3 accidents but also it sounds like she was traumatised - cried, was hiding all day, absolutely screaming when we picked her up, clung to me - never seen her like it. They have loos (no potties allowed) which could be the problem, and also try to take them regularly (which, as per above, I think she’d have found v stressful - I did warn them, but it sounds like she also wasn’t telling them when she needed to go, so recognise they didn’t have much choice). They basically said it was our call but she was v upset and the only time she was ok was when they put her nappy on at nap time, so their strong recommendation was to send her in nappies for the next ‘few months’. I truly hate hearing she’s been upset, and don’t think I have any choice but to use nappies tomorrow. (I also feel a bit judged by the nursery tbh, on the way home DD said one of the teachers had told her she was ‘too young for pants’ - which I’m rattled by as I honestly think she’s ready and am in no way a tiger mum etc but feels like they now think I am awful)

Anyway, I’d love to hear from any of you who have managed to do nappies at nursery and pants at home - I know it’s really not recommended and hugely confusing. But if it’s doable we will? Or are nursery right and we’re too early, even though she’s got it and is self-initiating at home.

I just feel super demoralised and a terrible mum for it being so horrible for her today. I honestly thought after a great weekend she’d be ok (expected some accidents in the nursery chaos, but not this trauma). But don’t really want to go back to full on square one if we can avoid it (as soon as we got home she did a wee and poo on her potty and was so proud again…). Sorry this is long, oh the ridiculous seeming emotions of parenting!

My youngest is almost 3 and she was out of nappies before she was 2 so I don't think she is too young. I would let her wear a nappy to nursery for the rest of the week but take it off when at home and try getting your daughter used to the toilet and not just the potty and if you feel like she's been great this week then tell the nursery she no longer wears them and they need to follow your routine.

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. It does sound like they're focusing on what makes their life easier rather than helping kids through these transitions.

I took the guts of a week to potty train ds because he was showing the same signs and he was doing very well at home with me and out with me but it is difficult for them at nursery while there's so much distraction and naturally some children are going to be less ok with having accidents than others. But again that can be a sign of readiness.

Ds nursery has small toilets he can use but also pottys so children can pick what they're most comfortable using and while they do encourage them to go it's not forced they're just asked and they encourage ds to tell them when he needs to go.

I wouldn't want to go back to nappies after going so well without. The only time I did that was when we were on a long car journey and I knew ds would fall asleep as he's still wet in his sleep. I would also be very angry if they'd told ds he was too little for pants when I'd been potty training as that's undermining your parenting. Ds had lots of accidents at nursery initially and I had to work with them to help him remember that he couldn't hold it and he needed to tell them he needed to go the same as he does with me, it's a much more chaotic environment for them to navigate. If you've been bigging her up and she's had an accident and they've essentially talked her down then no wonder she was upset.

I'd ask for a meeting with management to ask about their policy on this and raise those concerns. In fairness they aren't the most reliable witnesses at that age so I think an open conversation with the nursery on how they approach this is your best starting point.