Potty training handhold - tell me how it went for your over-3 year old

[ellecf]

Day 1 of my second attempt at potty training and I can’t say it’s going well. Would really love to hear how it went for your 3+ year old. I am committed to getting it done and determined to stick to it despite the mess. She is 3 years and 3 months. Would love stories of others who trained at a similar age on how long it took to get there to keep me sane.

At this age you would hope it would be very quick and easy.

Does she have any additional needs?

What are her issues around potty training? Is it reluctance/fear or that she doesn't know/care when she needs to go?

Absolutely no delays or additional needs, just an iron will and a hell of a lot of sass currently. She just does not want to do it. Doesn’t like poo either, definitely a bit sensitive to “yucky” things. I’ve been trying the gentle approach and just hoping she wakes one day and does it but I fear she will never do it if I just leave it.

If she doesn't like 'yucky' then she isn't going to enjoy soling herself so this should be a good motivator to get her using the toilet.

I assume you've tried stickers, bribery etc?

But, you will have to actually potty train her and not expect her to just do it herself. She will do eventually, but you can't just leave her in nappies until that happens. She's already quite old to still be in nappies.

Yeah I’ve tried absolutely everything. And this time I’ve pulled all the bribes out. I’ve even wrapped gifts and stuck wee and poo emojis on the front so she knows she gets one if she goes. Despite not liking poo, she doesn’t seem to mind crapping her pants. Fully aware she is old to still be in nappies, I feel extremely conscious and stressed out by it but I also know a lot of people continue to train much later so hoping there will be some kind words of support. And I am now training her as I don’t feel she will do this without it being coerced by me which is why we are now training again. How did you potty train yours and do you have any advice?

Hi I didn’t train one my children till nearly 3 years and a half. He showed no signs of being ready so we just went for it. Stayed at home in the kitchen (no carpets) for a few days bare bum. Couple of weeks later we was fine.

sometimes they are ready later

good luck and we followed oh crap

My method for potty training (I'm a nanny so I've done it many, many times) is:

Wait until they show some signs of readiness (usually between 2 and 2.5)

Do a week or so of build-up chat. Explain that the nappy fairy will come and take the nappies away and they will use the potty and/or toilet. Read lots of books, watch any potty training specific kids shows. Take them to choose some big girl/boy pants.

For yourself, clear the diary so you can stay at home for a few days. Stock up on stickers and sweet for prizes. Get some bed pads or puppy training pads to save the buggy/car seat/sofa. Tell yourself (as well as the child) that the nappies are gone forever, don't give up.

Put the nappies out for the nappy fairy. Wake up to find them all gone and something else left in it's place.

Take the bedtime nappy off and start potty training. Leave bare bummed at home. Expect lots of accidents. Lots of needing to be reminded.

When an accident happens be disappointed with the situation (but not with the child). Get the child involved in any clean up, always make wetting themselves/soiling themselves more effort than going to the potty (for example, in the early days I would let them watch TV while on the potty, but if they have an accident TV goes off while we get changed and clear up). Never be angry or frustrated with them, but it's ok to express disappointment that there is wee on the sofa/floor etc. i.e. it's not ok to soil yourself, but you're not cross because they're still learning.

When they have a success I would be very happy, lots of praise, sweet and a sticker and lots of talk along the lines of 'oh this is great because now we can carry on watching Bluey/painting/playing dolls and we don't need to change your wet clothes'.

I would expect to see some progress within three days and good progress by the end of a week. After two weeks I would expect them to be potty trained (I..e able to tell me they need the loo in good time the majority of the time and to be able to hold it for a few minutes while we find the nearest toilet). Occasional accidents are normal for most children into early primary.

I would introduce pants once they've got a good grip of the potty training, maybe day 4/5/6 depending on how it's going.

I tried at 2.5, swiftly sacked it off as obviously not as ready as I thought, and tried again at 3 determined to stick it out to get ready in good time for school (dd started the week after turning 4.)

It was a disaster and I persevered for 9 whole months before I went to a local support group and cried on a midwife who in the nicest possible way asked why on earth I hadn't stuck her back in nappies and tried again later. To which the answer was everyone from my mum, to school, to the bloody postman was on at me that she was way too old for them.

Put her back in nappies, regathered my mental health, started again a month before school and you know what, bar about 2 accidents at school she cottoned on perfectly. Blimmin' kids.

Dd2 took massive step back and waited until she started literally asking and saved myself the anguish!

Good luck x

@NuffSaidSamabsolutely concur - great advice 🙌🏼

My DD potty trained in one weekend at 3.5 years. She refused to go on the potty and just went straight onto the toilet with a child's seat on it. She was in nappies on the Friday before and went to nursery on the Monday without them, totally dry and able to use the toilet herself.

We tried once at about 2.5. It was hell. It just wasn't happening. So we went back to nappies, ignored all the "ooh that's a bit late" whatever. She was either 3y3m or 3y6m (I can't remember 😅) and one day we suggested that she try a special seat on the toilet instead of the potty. She said yep, tried it, said she liked it and wanted big girl pants now - she was dry day and night from that point in, zero training required.

Deep breaths and this too shall pass, one day you'll also be unable to remember exactly how old your child was when they potty trained and this will all be a distant memory!

I don’t think children over 3 are particularly suited for potty’s depending on their size - I have 3 kids incl a set of twins - one half of the twins and my eldest didn’t potty train until 3 and they hated potty’s so just went straight for the toilet. The other half of the twins was 2.5 and the smallest and did use a potty.
perseverance is key. Just say no more nappies. Once she’s had a few accidents she’ll realise walking around with wet pants isn’t pleasant and soon change her mind. I didn’t leave the house for a week straight though with the 3 year olds - so you need a block of several days to dedicate to it

Currently trying to train DS who turned 3 in August. I’m at the point of giving up and putting him back in nappies as nothing seems to be working. So no advice just solidarity.

Thank you so much for sharing that! It’s reassuring to hear others trained later too. My DD had not showed any strong signs of being ready until now and even then I’m not convinced how ready she is. It’s so so difficult 😞 so hard to know if you’re doing the right thing or not.

This is really really helpful advice, thank you so much for that. It’s also reassuring as I am doing everything here, I think what I need to do is what you said and not give up! Also expecting accidents, I think I need to lean into the accidents. We are day 2 now. She will happily sit on the potty for a while, she did eventually do a wee which we praised and gave one of the pee presents are but what I think is missing at the moment is her telling us she needs a wee. Also had two poo accidents but I’d expect poo to come after wee in the training pecking order!

This is so reassuring thank you so much for sharing this! I also feel under loads of pressure from others that she should be out of nappies and it’s really hard to ignore it. She’s quite tall for her age and I’ll admit it looks strange that she has one on. Especially as I also have a 6 month old baby, the comparison is huge! I’m going to try and stick with it and give it my best shot whilst I’m in it, but if nothing is clicking in a few days I might dial back and give it some more time. It’s so hard to know the exact right thing to do. I also tried and it didn’t work for us at 2.5 so it’s not that I’ve left it late, I’ve really tried 😥. The threat of school next September is also on my mind with all this. Thanks again for sharing your experience!

This is amazing!!! Thank you for sharing, it’s good to know what is possible.

Thank you so much for sharing this!!! And deep breaths are exactly what I’m doing 😂 I’m finding this beyond challenging and wine was absolutely needed last night to recover from day 1. We have the toilet seat and the potty. She doesn’t seem to massively prefer one or the other but most of the success at the moment has been on the potty interestingly.

Thank you so much for this! I’m on maternity leave so I’ve got a lot of time and no plans luckily. We have 4 clear days of doing it at home before nursery, where strangely she has used the toilets before so I think (hope 🙏🏽) they will be able to continue any progress we make here. She has been quite comfortable on the potty and the success we’ve had has been on there so far, although she will sit on her toilet seat too so we have access to both.

So here for the solitary, it’s so frustrating isn’t it. Even harder to not show the frustration, I’m putting in an absolute shift for a BAFTA at this point!

Update - we are on day 4 and I feel like we’ve made good progress despite this feeling like the most stressful thing ever 😆. At the end of the day yesterday she told me she needed a wee for the first time and asked to go to the toilet, and she did one! Since then she’s asked every time she’s needed a wee and I can’t believe it. I know it’s not going to be a straight line but it’s major progress compared to where we started! Poos are another story entirely and she won’t tell me when she needs one / she’s telling me she doesn’t know how to do one on the toilet. If anyone has any tips on how to crack poos (pun intended) please throw them my way.

My son potty trained at 3y2m. It took him a few days to get the hang of wees, and about a month of daily poo accidents before he got the hang of poos.

At this age I would just keep going.

I've just potty trained my daughter at 2y6m and it was a pretty similar story.