3 1/2 year old refusing to go to the toilet

[PinkPanda99]

My daughter has been in pants for a few months, and initially was doing well with wees (just about getting to the toilet in time) although would hold poos in until she had a nappy on at night. Then she started shouting “wee wee!” and freezing on the spot instead of actually trying to get to the toilet, resulting in some accident but the rest went in the toilet. Now she doesn’t always tell us when she’s done one at all, and has started pooing throughout the day too in her pants and not telling anyone. If I try to get her to use the toilet/potty she usually refuses. We have potty stickers which very occasionally work. It’s getting to the point where it almost all goes in her pants and she just doesn’t care. She went through 3 pairs of pants in an hour earlier, she’s treating them as nappies. I’ve had it suggested to me by family to put her back in nappies but I’m thinking surely that’s a bad move given her age! Does anyone have any suggestions please? I am at the end of my tether!

Don't put pants on her. At home keep her with a bare bottom and if you're going out use loose, jogging bottoms but no pants. Don't give her the nappy feeling.

Thanks for the reply, unfortunately if I do that she still does the same thing and it goes over the floor!

One of my DDs refused the toilet at this age. She is old enough to know what she is doing. We ended up bribing her with something really big that she wanted (a Snow White dress IIRC and a bike like her DBs). She had to use the toilet for a week. For us it worked.

Bribe her with something better than just a sticker. Either immediate reward like a smartie or 5 stickers = a new toy, or both - whatever you can do to motivate her. I’d keep her in pants because even if she’s ignoring it, it will not feel very nice. Then get her as involved as you can with cleaning up accidents, wipe up a puddle, change her own clothes (dress her in stuff she can do), puts wet clothes in the machine and drag it out so it’s all massively inconvenient, the idea being she cottons on it would have been much better and quicker to use the loo and get her smartie.

Also, have you ruled out constipation as a cause? Very common in preschoolers, it can cause both wee and poo accidents and may not always be immediately obvious if there’s an overflow situation. If you have any inkling that may be it see the doctor and get it treated.

Get her cleaning it up, make it more of a faff to wee in her clothes/floor than the toilet.

Make the toilet quick, efficient and come with a reward.

Thanks for the responses, I will definitely try a bigger reward and getting her involved in clearing up/making it more awkward. I was wondering about constipation myself as my DS had it for many years without us realising because the consistency was fine, it was just backing up. I think I will give the doctors a try too.