Nearly 3 year old doing great at nursery but no success at home

[MissingSleep100]

Would be really interested to hear what others think as feeling quite confused!

My DD will be 3 in October. We’ve recently moved house and had decided to wait until that was done and we had a week off to give potty training a go. We started 10 days ago, she insisted on pants from day 1 - was fairly happy to sit on the potty but no wees. She wasn’t having loads of accidents, and holding her wee for long periods. A few days later we took the potty with us to my sister’s house and were thrilled she did a poo and wee on the potty there - she chose to sit in my nephews bedroom on the potty and we’d actually left the room when it happened. She seemed a little bit alarmed by the whole thing and we let her pick a reward from the shops. The following day she went to nursery and they said she was amazing - instigating when she needed to go and no accidents. Since then we’ve had a grand total of one more wee in the potty at home, a LOT of wee withholding for very long periods of time but usually happy to sit and try. She had another successful day at nursery a few days after the first with just a poo accident.

I don’t really know where to go from here. It feels as if we’ve made nearly no progress at home in 10 days - but nursery said she was doing great. She’s back there tomorrow so I’m trying to get through today to see what happens there - but the withholding concerns me, and what’s the point if it’s just not going to happen at home right now?

Have done all the usual - sticker charts, bribes, sweet rewards, we bought a new pink potty, a new pink toilet ladder, new pants!

You just keep going! You only started 10 days ago, don’t be disheartened, she’s getting there.

Thanks - I’m just forever doubting myself! It feels like she is ready to do it but this is a vastly different experience to my son who cracked it on day 1!

Where do you have the potty at home? Some kids are pee shy

Sounds like she's getting there, keep going! As pp said, perhaps she is a bit shy so could you encourage her to go into the bathroom to use the potty/toilet?

Thanks - could be, I’ll try that. I let her choose where to sit on the potty, or if she wants to try the toilet and she usually chooses front room. Today she’s done a lot of sitting but she’s not had a wee (accident or on the potty) since her nighttime nappy came off this morning (around 8am). She loves her pants so doesn’t want to go back to nappies but I do feel really sad for her holding it in all day.

She's doing great! 🙂 It can take time, and being consistent. I don't think many children get it on day 1 and that's it. My eldest took about a month for wees and poos, and as far as consistency goes my second took almost 6 months before he was reliable. They both had good days, bad days, good weeks and bad weeks but it just is how it is, they get there eventually.

One thing they both hated was being reminded to use the potty (stubborn children 😂) and insisted on that autonomy. Sometimes that can also help, they learn by having accidents, and you just remind them that the potty/toilet is here - although it is the messier route for sure.

I do think you’re right to be concerned about the withholding OP. They should be emptying their bladders every 1.5-2 hours at this stage. Is she having plenty to drink? It might be worth trialling more of a drink/sit on the potty routine for a couple of days to see if that improves things.
ERIC has some great resources…eric.org.uk/childrens-bladders/wee-withholding/

Dd2 was like this and it was more the peer pressure of not wearing a nappy at nursery whereas at home she didn't seem to care. Just keep going and she'll get there at some points. All kids are different just takes some longer for it to fully click

Try distraction while she is on the potty. Read her a book, make up a silly story together sing songs

Try running some water when she’s on the potty

Try putting a nappy in the potty for her to pee on, just lie it open in the base of the potty for her to go on x

What’s her fluid intake like? I would be increasing that to see if her encourages the need to go.

She's made great progress! She is very young still. She'll get there!

Personally I would try and increase her fluids. We did ching Ching clinking and drinking games to get her to a full bladder and needing a wee. Lots of cheers- playing games and if you got it right a swig of apple juice/milk/squash or water.....
However I have a NHS bladder of going 8hrs without a wee at work, but can't do that at home....
Also pop the potty in a toilet for privacy (as she can hold it no need for it in the living room)....

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. Some good ideas to try, particularly in getting her fluid intake up which she is also tricky about! She eventually did do a wee on the potty about 4pm after a lot of sitting and trying today - she said ‘I need a wee’ beforehand and looked a bit worried. I knew it wasn’t everything though but she refused to sit back on the potty. She had an accident shortly after, and looked like she was really trying to hold that in bless her. Tomorrow is a nursery day so we’ll see if she repeats the success of last week, or holds for them.

Just keep going as low key as possible. She clearly knows what its all about. Don't worry and don't let her see that you are worrying either. All will be well.