This is hard - seeking solidarity!!!

[AMM86]

Hello! Sorry long post...

My little girl is 3y 3m and potty training has not been successful in the past. Would push the potty away (we have steps to the toilet too) and cry and scream for a nappy and just hold.

In September she starts nursery and needs to be trained (although at the stay and play I did ask what happens if she's not quite there and has a lot of accidents and they were chilled and said seeing other children go will help her a lot - basically told me not to stress, which I am massively doing). So anyway, I'm a teacher and on summer hols, we went away first week and talked to her about the nappy fairy who had visited her friends and took their nappies for younger children. She hated this idea at first but then after a few days she liked it, and when we got back we went to choose pants. She was then excited when nappy fairy came and loves wearing her pants (we agreed with the nappy fairy that she can still have a nappy at night though)

So we're on day 4... I am not stopping because I just can't! Definitely better than previous attempts but she's still avoiding using the potty/toilet as much as she can. She did one wee on the toilet on day 2, and day 3 and 4 she's holding it as late as she can but when she goes I'm sitting her on the potty and praising her for getting some in there. We've got the little stickers that change when you wee on them, which she quite likes but not enough to take herself to the potty.

All I'd like to know is that other people are in the same boat (or similar) for some comfort! And also, anyone who had a hard time training their child but can give me some light at the end of the tunnel stories. Everyone says it clicks but I'm struggling to visualise it. So proud of her though. She's done so well, considering the ERIC expert described this as toilet anxiety!

xx

Hi Op. We are on our 3rd attempt, DD is 4 at the end of October and has some dry days and accidents others. We have been going since April, it’s such a slog.

Not that we have completed it, but I think you just need to stick with this attempt. My friends DS has been potty trained 2 years and sometimes has a week of accidents she said. Her pep talk really helped us as she said loads of people don’t get this 3 days magical potty journey, they just don’t talk about it as much as it’s deemed our failure not to just crack it.

Good luck, hope she gets it soon!

It takes an average of 6 months to potty train so it sounds like she’s doing very well. I started with my DS1 at 26 months and whilst poos were sorted in 3 weeks it was pushing 12 months in before he wasn’t having a wee accident every day (not because he wasn’t capable but because he was easily distracted). Nursery described him as potty trained by 3 months to be fair to him. I still take a change of clothes with me now we’re 22 months down the road because until fairly recently I wouldn’t have described him as reliable. Tried with DS2 25mo this weekend and he promptly got a nappy out of the basket and said “I want this”, so that ended it. I’ll try again in a few weeks. Don’t stop now you’ve started, I think a couple of weeks at least and you’ll see a marked difference.

Also agree with PP, the 3 day magic potty training is super rare.

Two things I would do is up the amount she is drinking - give her blackcurrant squash as this seems to really make them wee - and up the rewards for getting anything on the potty. Either chocolate buttons or get a load of cheap toys from poundland and wrap them in shiny paper!

My nursery said once you have started don’t stop because if you do they will just want to go back to nappies knowing you gave in.
keep going, my little girl is 90% trained at 2.7 but still had a random poo in her pants today….
xx

Oh and I brought a ‘my carry potty’ … lifesaver!

Total solidarity. We also had a couple of shaky starts. Totally agree with the 6 month thing. I had also read the three day thing and was completely stressed out that he wasn't getting it, felt like a failure and it was doomed.

Honestly what worked for me was being very heavily pregnant and just passed myself lol! He loves monsters so we made up a game of monsters that lived in the potty and toilet and you had to feed them wees and poos to make them come out and somehow that clicked with him.

Then it was a bloody long old slog with two steps forward one step back, big regression when the baby came. It is now coming up to 6months and its only now we are going consistently on the toilet and having no accidents during the day. We can flush, wash hands and are improving with wiping.

Our big challenge now is he is doing this himself but taking pants and trousers fully off and proudly coming out winnie the pooh style to announce his achievement. (Any tips on dealing with this are welcome)

I fully remember being convinced id be changing his butt when he was a teenager.

Thank you so much for the replies!

I took myself to bed this evening and had a cry, searched the internet for some kind of magic solution and then saw the posts. Thank you!

It kind of got worse this afternoon. She held it for so long that she was clearly distressed. She wanted a cuddle and wouldn't let go of me. I realised it was because she was holding herself against me to stop it coming out. Eventually she started bouncing up and down trying so hard to hold it and then weed a huge river all over me and the floor. We assured her it's ok and it's important to let it out as she'll feel better now but I had to turn away and cry. Seeing her that uncomfortable was heartbreaking.

This evening she started doing the same thing. Total idea out of nowhere but I know she gets anxious with an audience so I rearranged the furniture a bit to make her own little bathroom in the corner of the living room with a bookcase as a wall. She likes it! She sat on the potty for a bit watching my phone but still wouldn't release. Eventually she went in her evening bath.

Dreading tomorrow. Taken on board the advice of getting her to drink more. Ive made some colourful (bit of squash) ice cubes to make her drink more exciting, and am going to try having a tub of warm water for her to play with while she's in her bathroom.

Will keep you posted. And please keep me posted with your little ones too. My heart is breaking but just because I hate seeing her so uncomfortable. I agree with you all that I need to keep going though, and I'm pleased you've said that!!

By far the hardest part of motherhood I've endured so far! I mean sleep was hard for a long time but it feels a breeze compared to this!

Xx

We had some holding and not drinking because she realised the connection. She really liked her penguin carry potty, so maybe a fun potty if you don't already have one?

Otherwise it does sound like she's getting it, so keep going. It does suck though! Some kids take a long time to learn.

Thank you. Do you remember how long she did the holding thing? X

Oh, we happened to cross paths with a child continence nurse & she said if DD is withholding, keep bubbles or a windmill in the bathroom as blowing relaxes them and can start the release response. She did tell us to take DD to the bathroom every time we go so that she gets to the stage she may as well go as she’s away from her games anyway too, it might be a bit early for your DD to do this though? Even though it’s frustrating and sad to see for your DD, in a way it’s good she can hold it so long as when she gets over this hurdle, it should be easy enough for her to hold it between wees!