Almost 4 year old refusing potty and now refusing to drink!

[SunshineSally99]

My DS2 is 4 in September and starting pre school.
I tried him in April with no joy and to the point he was holding for 12hrs and was sweating he was that uncomfortable. 😣 he then was screaming as he was weeing and it was traumatic for us all. it didn’t help both sets of grandparents when he had an accident on the floor they put pull ups back on him.

i decided to take a break and wait until the 6 weeks.
so here we are… day 2 and it’s started again

he did one wee in the potty yesterday after 8hrs and was super pleased and obviously bribed which worked this time with a toy he wants off online.
We had lots of cuddles and praise and he was happy but didn’t want anyone to know he had done it. he can wear a pull up at night but I’ve said no to the day.

anyways, day 2 and he’s not done a wee since 10am and he’s sweating again. He’s not refusing to drink because he knows that it obviously makes him pee. So he’s only drank 1 fruit shoot and half a bottle of squash. He keeps saying he’s not thirsty.

the thing is I can’t keep stopping because he’s more than resdy. He tells me when he does one in his pull up, he knows he’s the only one at the childminders that uses a pull up and he is very clever so for example asking my mom to put a pull up on this morning.

he said that he’s scared of the toilet which I get but I’ve ordered 2 potty’s and he’s not a fan of either.

I reckon he’s going to hold till tonight where he will have a pull up on at bedtime

what do I do? Health visitors said cut holes in his nappy’s but that’s it … he’s almost 4 and this is bloody awful

Has he said exactly what's scary about the toilet? Is it that he's worried about falling in? Or that he doesn't like the 'splash back' when he goes? If it's the former, get a trainer seat so that he feels more secure. If it's the latter, maybe trying a stand up wee would help

If you're not sure exactly what's worrying him, you can get children's stories (I've used the Pirate Pete potty training book before) which would give you a good starting point to talk about how it might feel different and get him to be explicit with his worries.

And, if he responded well to the treat initially, maybe you could get a reward chart specifically for potty training. I'd encourage him to sit in there every 15-20 mins and give out a sticker (even if he doesn't go). I also think a distraction while he's sitting on the potty might help - reading a book, playing a game, listening to a song etc.

Is he doing standing up wees? DS was 3.5 and went straight to that. Special stickers that changed colour when he aimed for them in the potty helped.

Maybe not for everyone but DS loves an alfresco wee in the garden!

I was late training my dd (3 and a half). I’d had a few tries which always ended because she’d get distraught about the potty and then withhold.

However the last time I persevered through the tears and tantrums because I knew I realistically couldn’t leave it much longer. After a few days she absolutely cracked it.

It sounds like he’s ready, he just doesn’t like it for whatever reason. But he will get it. He has to really.

So I’m doing all of the above suggestions ladies.

we have a sticker chart and he gets them for sitting, and mr snowman does too.

he has games on it so today we’ve blown bubbles on the potty, we sing, we’ve done games such as throwing balls on a target. He enjoys it but won’t wee.

I’ve said to him he can wee in the bath and he said no cuz it would make the water dirty…
I said wee in the bidet cause it’s an ideal height he said no
I said wee and water my grass he laughed and said no I’m not a dog..

this is what I mean he’s clever.

anyways he did wee at 7pm I saw a tik tok abojt warm water and playing with it and by fluke he played for a min and ended up weeing on the potty but did tell
me
to get out as he didn’t want to wee.

he seems to have a fear of letting go. He does have a toilet seat too and steps and I said he can decorate my toilet seat but just says no.

If he is very clever, maybe see if you can find something on tv about how sewage is processed and get him all interested in the science and how he is sending off his wee for the bacteria to sort out. There are some good kids books about it too. Ill have a look for a couple.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toilets-Work-StoryBots-Step-Reading/dp/B0DHJQ6HX3/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_1?crid=22DW31JUJM275&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.mPyk6Hy2uvnAeDhMkcyq01k4nzyhsh6F5ri5FvrGsPJXLah9EOk20OZJyDV6-3VZGmCO5UhUNmcruF0O44uZxhgczDDVx1U-kbIw6WvTvjAaPWfwJqqJpAps1Te3FKAl.FRX2IihYWp-NGJ8GUxdW8n3Vi49Cwb_r8j9AXWIkLGA&dib_tag=se&keywords=How+do+toilets+work&qid=1754256398&sprefix=how+do+toilets+work%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-1-fkmr3

Honestly what worked for my wee boy was making it a big secret. Like I bet you can't wee in the toilet or potty without me knowing or telling him you will keep it a secret dunno why it worked but even now he dosent want people to know when he's been