Nappies at school

[raysan]

DD (3) has been toilet trained by age 2, apart from needing to be prompted sometimes. BUT she chooses to wet and soil herself and lie about it, plus frequent soiling accidents due to toddlers diarrhoea.

Sorry that sounds harsh but i know that she knows she needs to go, and she tells me she enjoys being wet.

How do i have the conversation with school? I hope she'd be dry due to peer pressure but also, there are other kids in nappies due to LD so hope there is a process

That sounds difficult. What do you mean by toddler diarrhoea?
Constipation can also show up as diarrhoea as it's leakage. It's an odd reaction to say she likes it.

If she’s frequently soiling and wetting herself then she’s not toilet trained.

You have four months to go until September. Hopefully if you work on it together you can get the issue resolved before dd starts school.

Agreed. Especially as you also say she needs prompting to go to the toilet.

Have you been in touch with the GP/health visitor?

eric.org.uk/helpline/
Contact them their advice was helpful to me and my ds

I’m generally pretty cynical when anyone says their child was toilet trained by age 2.
age 3 is much more of a “normal” age and I’d suspect she will improve over the next few months

what do you mean by toddlers diarrhoea
https://patient.info/childrens-health/acute-diarrhoea-in-children/toddlers-diarrhoea

Sorry if not clear, I wasnt after reassurance, potty training definitions or cynicism (she is seeing the doctor and I may try Eric.org.uk as well, since it cannot hurt). Its not that she hasn't been toilet trained and always in nappies, its more like a part time refusal when she chooses. The diarrhoea is a complication on top of that.

My question is - do I say at the reception class open evening that she's in nappies, or is there a request form, or some teacher code like "how do I log a health issue", or will they ask me?? She will be present for the visit and I don't want to announce it.

You need to contact the school SENDCO asap.

Agree with pp, speak to the SENCO. Last year I had 7 children start in pull ups, we've got all 7 dry in the day at school now, so are 'happy' to do toilet training. However, toilet training one child, let alone 7, takes a lot of time and I need the heads up so I can start trying to juggle staffing accordingly (amongst other issues).

The 2 primaries near me have stated that unless there is a medical need and an ehcp they expect parents to attend to change nappies / soiled clothes so be aware of that OP.

Ok, prior to the info evening next week, i will email school and ask to speak to the SEN coordinator. From what I hear, its hard to get an EHCP but will get the ball rolling if needed.

7 kids in one class! That sounds full on and I don't envy you @JockyWilsonsaid !

Thanks

Schools generally don't change nappies unless their is a medical need, otherwise they'll expect her to be trained properly by the time she starts school. I know of schools who call parents when they need changed.

The toddler diarrhea needs to be brought under control or she'll be asked to stay home for 48hr after each incident.

Saying she's 'choosing' to soil herself is a very negative take on it, and I really doubt that it's as simple as that. She needs help not shaming.

Both the wetting and the loose poo can be signs of chronic constipation so I'd really consider that and getting support from Eric or referral to a continence nurse.

EHCPs are hard to come by. They can put in a plan if there are toileting issues but I doubt it would be an EHCP

You don’t get an EHCP at the age of four just for wearing pull ups…! There is no learning difficulty or medical need here. It’s not like she’s 8 and still wetting..!!

I’m sorry… did I read that right… she ENJOYS wetting herself?

Has she told you that or are you just assuming it from her behaviour?

I think you need to be looking into the cause of the wetting, instead of focusing on how school will manage the effects.

For instance my DD was trained just before 3, but we had a 6 month period around 3.5 of what I called "rage wees". On the surface this looked like an extrem toddler tantrum, or intentionally trying to anoy caregivers, but it wasn't. Shes autistic and when she was a little older we worked out she has a demand avoiding profile, so it could have been an attempt to switch the focus onto cleaning up pee and away from whatever demand her brain wouldn't let her comply with, or could have been the sensory/emotional overwhelm taking up all her brains bandwidth, so she couldn't process the needing a pee at the same time. Either way, the strategies we used to help her stay emotionally regulated also resolved the wetting, as she was no longer getting into the state where the wetting occurred.

I'm not suggesting this is the reason for your DD's wetting, more that there will be a reason which ideally you need to work on over the next 4 months. No child enjoys being wet/soild, even if the reason doesn't make sense to your brain, it will to hers (probably on a subconscious level)

It might be worth keeping a diary over a few weeks to look for any pattern, look at things like:

Are there any triggers or situations where it's more likely?

What's usually happening just before?

How does she react afterwards?

What's her reaction/ your reaction when it's discovered?