This is horrendous

fattytoadboy · 2025-05-03T16:40:10+00:00

Tried potty training my now 3 year 2 month old when she was about 2.5, it didn’t work, she had lots of accidents and seemed upset about using the potty or toilet so we decided to leave it. Started again yesterday and it’s much the same. Constant trips back and forth to the toilet where she doesn’t do anything but then wees herself. Getting upset when asked to sit on toilet. We haven’t left the house on a glorious bank holiday Saturday and feel like we’ve made no progress and everyone is upset and frustrated. At this age I’m conscious we should stick at it but also worrying she’s still not ready. What do I do?!

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lostmum1906 · 03/05/2025 17:44

I did as you did, though my daughter is non verbal.

I stayed home for Easter weekend and got her into a routine , now she can hold her wee for two hours .

We do have about 3 accidents a day but I feel she is getting it .

I sing a song to the toilet , take her regularly, mark her routine and take a toy that's only for the toilet.

Good luck

Original poster

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 17:50

Good ideas thank you. We have spoken about this and tried to prepare her for it but she either isn’t getting it or just doesn’t want to. I don’t want to keep stopping and starting but the last two days have been miserable for everyone.

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LilDeVille · 03/05/2025 17:53

everyone is upset and frustrated

As kindly as possible, if you were remaining calm and cheery and shining this in a positive light, then chances are it would be going smoother. Kids are mirrors!

Now that you’ve started for a second time, you’ve got to keep going otherwise she gets the message that it’s optional, and it’s not.

Squash any bitter feelings of not going outside on a Saturday. There will be other sunny Saturdays. In fact, we’d have spent all day in the garden if potty training - you are moving the potty to wherever your daughter is, yes? Is this day 1?

Original poster

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 17:58

LilDeVille · 03/05/2025 17:53

everyone is upset and frustrated

As kindly as possible, if you were remaining calm and cheery and shining this in a positive light, then chances are it would be going smoother. Kids are mirrors!

Now that you’ve started for a second time, you’ve got to keep going otherwise she gets the message that it’s optional, and it’s not.

Squash any bitter feelings of not going outside on a Saturday. There will be other sunny Saturdays. In fact, we’d have spent all day in the garden if potty training - you are moving the potty to wherever your daughter is, yes? Is this day 1?

I’m not showing her I’m frustrated. Trying to be very positive and certainly not cross when she’s had accidents. Bribes and rewards too.

We have been outside but it’s been windy and chilly so she’s had to have loose bottoms on which she’s weed through several times.

I have friends with dc the same age who apparently asked to start wearing pants and never had an accident since. I suppose I naively thought it might be something she wanted to do rather than having to encourage it so much.

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Floranan · 03/05/2025 17:59

At 3 years and 2nd attempt you really need to stick to your guns

I would take mine when I went and so did DH so they could see we went too. I found a toilet seat and steps worked better than a potty. My DIL. found this too with her 3.

forget about this weekend being lost it isn’t, you’ve spent the day teaching your DD a skill to help her grow.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 03/05/2025 18:13

I agree you need to stick with it.
DS was similar and it took quite some time and a lot of mess , but we got there in the end. I refused to stick a nappy on him once I decided to do the potty training. I had about 2 weeks of lots of washing & cleaning as he was a little monkey! But perseverance paid off. He was just turned 3 BTW.
DD was like your friends DC - just decided at just over 2 that she didn't want to to wear nappies anymore. (Ripped them off and run away 🤣 so that was that!)

Original poster

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 23:34

Thank you for the advice. We will persevere it’s just difficult when she’s rallying against it. I do struggle being stuck at home too but I darent take her out based on what’s happened the past two days. I know some people just take a change of clothes and crack on but I don’t really fancy it.

Shes due back at nursery on Tuesday, I hope we’ve made some progress by then. I know they will support it but I don’t like to think of her having multiple accidents there. It’s a lot harder than I thought, I feel like I can’t get on with anything else other than repeatedly taking her to and from the toilet ( for her not to do anything) or waiting and watching her piss herself!!!!

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travellingtabbycat · 03/05/2025 23:41

My dd was a similar age. We had some of her friends over, and they went to the toilet, and she decided to go too. They spent the rest of the day going backwards and forward to the loo together giggling. She never had an accident or used a nappy again. I wonder if some peer support might help yours?

Sleepington · 03/05/2025 23:44

I found this to be one of the worst and hardest parts of parenting that age.

My DC2 was still like yours after MONTHS of trying to toilet train. Had definitely turned four and was still not just wetting but soiling underwear daily. Its easy to say remain cheery and positive but its soul destroying. I did everything from rewards, toys, singing songs but after months of it I ended up losing my rag and shouting. It was a really hard time.

We tried with DC1 who didn't 'get it' so we stopped and waited six months and tried again and it clicked really quickly.

We did the same things with DC2 but it just didn't work. I don't have advice but you have my sympathy.

Original poster

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 23:50

@Sleepingtonblimey that sounds hard. I don’t think I could cope with it for months on end. I’m ready to throw the towel in after 2 days! But I won’t, I know it needs to be done. I just don’t know how much I should push it. Lots of people talk about readiness and doing it only when they seem ready.

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Sleepington · 03/05/2025 23:57

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 23:50

@Sleepingtonblimey that sounds hard. I don’t think I could cope with it for months on end. I’m ready to throw the towel in after 2 days! But I won’t, I know it needs to be done. I just don’t know how much I should push it. Lots of people talk about readiness and doing it only when they seem ready.

My DC1 wasn't ready and we left it another few months and it clicked very quickly. I don't remember DC1 ever wetting the bed once the nappy came off. We never used night time pull ups because I'd listened to a friend of mine whose then seven year old was still in night time pull ups.

We could have waited for DC2 but DC2 turned four and was still having very frequent 'accidents'. I can't remember if we used pull ups for DC2. I think I have managed to successfully obliterate that whole period from my memory.

Crystalmae · 04/05/2025 00:01

I might be going against others thoughts but in my years of experience I would actually say leave it 4-6 weeks until you try properly with the potty/ toilet again and in that time continue with or start all the preparation- YouTube potty videos/ books/ dolly or teddy on toilet/ have multiple potty’s around not to be ‘used’ for wees but for play- even if dd sits on do the opposite of what you have been doing (if you have clapped and cheered when she sat- now just carry on as normal to flip things to see if the calmer atmosphere helps her).

I expect you have got pants / she sees you wee on the toilet.

I really wouldn’t be stressing yourself or her over this just yet. Yes she is 3 but if she’s not ready you are making life hard for all of you- including her. Don’t put a downer on your days if you really think she needs more time and certainty give yourself a break.

What I will say though, is if you are adamant to do it now you need to stick with it every day.

FWIW I have known kids successfully potty train from 15 months up until 4 1/2 and some still struggling at 5.

Intranslation · 04/05/2025 00:15

Going to nursery in pants and getting wet a few times will help. It's perfectly normal to have several sets of wet clothing for anything up to a fortnight. Don't worry

usererror57 · 04/05/2025 07:45

Lots of accidents are expected - im always surprised at the lack of resilience when it comes to some parents and potty training. Some children will largely crack it over a bank holiday weekend some will be longer - one half of my twins managed it in 3 days but the other needed a week and for that week we didn’t leave the house and I had Dr Beckmann carpet cleaner on constant order. Yes it requires effort snd perseverance and it’s exhausting. Giving up is the worst thing you can do just keep going

Original poster

fattytoadboy · 04/05/2025 08:38

usererror57 · 04/05/2025 07:45

Lots of accidents are expected - im always surprised at the lack of resilience when it comes to some parents and potty training. Some children will largely crack it over a bank holiday weekend some will be longer - one half of my twins managed it in 3 days but the other needed a week and for that week we didn’t leave the house and I had Dr Beckmann carpet cleaner on constant order. Yes it requires effort snd perseverance and it’s exhausting. Giving up is the worst thing you can do just keep going

I don’t think it’s a lack of resilience although I will admit I’ve struggled the past few days. It’s more the doubt in my mind that maybe we should have left it until she was ready and that by forcing it we are making it a bigger ordeal for us all.

She has done one wee on the toilet going into day 3. Everything else has been an accident and she hasn’t even done a poo yet which makes me think she could be withholding. I know she’s at the older end of ‘normal’ as most people have it cracked before two and I don’t intend to give up. It’s just harder than I expected.

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Samanthaaah · 04/05/2025 08:41

I felt the same as you after one weekend, my friends all made out like it was easy and said my little one would have it cracked in a weekend. She didn’t. It’s fine. It’s a huge change for them. I would try my little girl on the potty all the time for her to stand up, walk off and wee herself. It literally just clicks, but when is determined by them. Stick at it, it makes life so easier in the long run!

TheOccupier · 04/05/2025 08:46

Hang in there. Chocolate buttons may help.

ACatNamedRobin · 04/05/2025 08:50

Can you get her to help you with the clean up?
That would be some incentive for her to start.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/05/2025 08:54

fattytoadboy · 04/05/2025 08:38

I don’t think it’s a lack of resilience although I will admit I’ve struggled the past few days. It’s more the doubt in my mind that maybe we should have left it until she was ready and that by forcing it we are making it a bigger ordeal for us all.

She has done one wee on the toilet going into day 3. Everything else has been an accident and she hasn’t even done a poo yet which makes me think she could be withholding. I know she’s at the older end of ‘normal’ as most people have it cracked before two and I don’t intend to give up. It’s just harder than I expected.

Show quote history

You mention the toilet are you using a potty?

I was EXHAUSTED doing potty training.

i was basically just staring at my dds crotch for hours on end (with no downtime aka mumsnet or Insta to entertain me)

We gave juice to create wee, stickers to reward wees and a chocolate button for a poo in the potty.

I didn't make her "try" but waited and said " I can see you need the toilet want to sit on the potty?"
I let her use the potty in the middle of the living room while watching cartoons ... once shed got the hang out it we later moved to "tv wait here! Dd needs the toilet!" And paused the show.
Similarly, We migrated to toilets later...

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 04/05/2025 08:55

have you heard of the 'oh crap' method? There is still a lot of staying at home in the early days, but this method breaks down the steps in an easier way. You don't have to constantly take the child 'to try' (which can be stressful for both of you) but you watch them like a hawk until you see them show signs of needing to go or even starting before you guide them straight to the potty/toilet. You get rid of nappies and don't introduce pants until later in the process. The book really resonated with me and has loads of troubleshooting sections for different challenges you may face along the way. I made a lot of sense to me and helps when children are resistant or struggling to get to grips with toileting.

Original poster

fattytoadboy · 04/05/2025 08:56

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/05/2025 08:54

You mention the toilet are you using a potty?

I was EXHAUSTED doing potty training.

i was basically just staring at my dds crotch for hours on end (with no downtime aka mumsnet or Insta to entertain me)

We gave juice to create wee, stickers to reward wees and a chocolate button for a poo in the potty.

I didn't make her "try" but waited and said " I can see you need the toilet want to sit on the potty?"
I let her use the potty in the middle of the living room while watching cartoons ... once shed got the hang out it we later moved to "tv wait here! Dd needs the toilet!" And paused the show.
Similarly, We migrated to toilets later...

Edited

Show quote history

We do have a potty which is out and free for her to use, but she seems to prefer to sit on the toilet, not that she does anything on either of them.

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LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/05/2025 08:59

Is the potty in the same room you are in or in bathroom?

Is she nude on bottom?

I also rate oh crap! Btw

Original poster

fattytoadboy · 04/05/2025 09:01

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/05/2025 08:59

Is the potty in the same room you are in or in bathroom?

Is she nude on bottom?

I also rate oh crap! Btw

Edited

Potty is in the same room as us.
I will have a look at oh crap. I’ve heard good things. It’s just so frustrating to explain it over and over for her to nod and then repeatedly piss herself 🙈

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LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/05/2025 09:04

Try and keep your sense of humour / keep it calm.

Def read oh crap...

Ps. At least urine is sterile
Wait until the shit starts appearing 🙈🙈🙈

Ineedanewsofa · 04/05/2025 09:06

We found nursery really helpful in this scenario, the structure of going to the loo with other kids who were also potty training seemed to encourage DD much more than rewards charts at home. Basically sent a suitcase of clothes and underwear in every day and did at least one wash load every night!
Hang in there!