What is normal with potty training?

BurritoTamer · 2025-03-21T13:11:40+00:00

My 26 month old DS has been showing a keen interest in using the potty and toilet (particularly for wees but has done the odd poo too). We’ve actively encouraged this with bribery etc! He goes to a childminder 3.5 days a week and has been dry in nappies there except for nap time. His childminder suggested giving potty training a really solid go this weekend. DH and I are both off work this Friday (today) so agreed. So on CM’s advice we’ve gone commando in the daytime DH had to run errands today so I was left in charge (also have a newborn baby so not ideal). I went to the toilet twice and DS came with me and happily sat on the potty and nothing came out. Then about 15 mins later DS wet himself twice in quick succession. Both times completely out the blue and I was very actively engaged with him - once playing with cars and the other whilst eating his lunch. Baby was napping so I was paying full attention. Both times he seemed to completely not understand it was happening until it was way too late. He was also extremely upset by it and needed loads of cuddles and reassurance afterwards (he isn’t the most affectionate child usually so out of character) I was very neutral about it and moved on, I’m not bothered about it personally and don’t care whether he potty trains or not right now as he’s still relatively young. DH has got back from errands and successfully got him to wee in the potty before nap time just now is this a normal first go or is he just not ready yet? I’m willing to commit until Monday but just want to see people’s thoughts Is it normal for them to be really upset when they wet themselves? Is it normal to be playing cars then just suddenly be weeing - by “normal” I mean is this a sign he’s not ready yet?

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littleluncheon · 21/03/2025 13:15

Normal - when you're with him and focusing on potty training keep the potty to hand, as soon as he starts to wee just get him straight on the potty with loads of praise and stickers/chocolate buttons. He will soon get the connection.
Give him lots to drink, so he gets more chance to practice.

BarnacleBeasley · 21/03/2025 13:17

It's good if he's upset to wet himself, obvs not the being upset, but that he doesn't want wee on him and would rather be clean. It also doesn't mean he's not ready if he doesn't know when he's going to do a wee - that's what the training is for. If you read the Oh Crap! book it's all about how to get them from 'I've done a wee' to 'I'm doing a wee now' to 'I need a wee', they don't necessarily start off there. You need to be watching him to see if he starts getting fidgety. Him having no pants on will make it easier to spot and you will rapidly get better at knowing when he needs one, then you can pop him straight on the potty (either to finish his wee, or, if you're lucky, to start it). And after a couple of days, he hopefully will also get better at spotting when he's going to do a wee. However, you can't pay that level of microscopic attention with a baby to look after as well, so ideally you need DH to also be there.

Original poster

BurritoTamer · 21/03/2025 13:32

Thanks so much both that’s really reassuring. We will keep on keeping on with it. DS’s speech and language is really good so he can communicate well. I have got the Oh Crap book and maybe we should do a naked afternoon today instead of commando.

I don’t mind him being upset if it’s part of a feedback loop that’s teaching him the new skill, just didn’t want it to be in vain!

Agree I was a bit annoyed DH run errands today and I’ve told him that’s it now for the weekend if we’re taking this seriously! So boring for us both but will hopefully be worth it

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Original poster

BurritoTamer · 21/03/2025 13:35

BarnacleBeasley · 21/03/2025 13:17

It's good if he's upset to wet himself, obvs not the being upset, but that he doesn't want wee on him and would rather be clean. It also doesn't mean he's not ready if he doesn't know when he's going to do a wee - that's what the training is for. If you read the Oh Crap! book it's all about how to get them from 'I've done a wee' to 'I'm doing a wee now' to 'I need a wee', they don't necessarily start off there. You need to be watching him to see if he starts getting fidgety. Him having no pants on will make it easier to spot and you will rapidly get better at knowing when he needs one, then you can pop him straight on the potty (either to finish his wee, or, if you're lucky, to start it). And after a couple of days, he hopefully will also get better at spotting when he's going to do a wee. However, you can't pay that level of microscopic attention with a baby to look after as well, so ideally you need DH to also be there.

Thanks, if he starts weeing and it’s wetting the trousers should I try and pull them down or just sit him on the potty in the trousers to finish the wee off?

He gets a chocolate button for a potty wee - if he starts in his trousers and finishes on the potty should he still get a button?

Sorry I know I sound incredibly thick with these inane questions. A lot of parenting is ok for me but potty training really makes my head spin for some reason!

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Buttonknot · 21/03/2025 13:35

It sounds normal, but also a sign that it may take a bit longer for him to be potty trained. I think there are different stages of being "ready". If a child is "very" ready, then the process is quicker, but there's absolutely nothing wrong IMO with doing it a bit earlier, when a child is "quite" ready (like your DS) and accepting that it will take a bit longer. That's what I did with my DC (because I hated changing nappies and wanted to get potty training out of the way) but others prefer leaving it till they're older. There's no right or wrong here - it's up to you which approach to take.

Buttonknot · 21/03/2025 13:36

Yes I would still give a button for getting to the potty halfway through a wee.

littleluncheon · 21/03/2025 13:37

Do the first couple of days no pants then get trousers on by day 3. He'll probably need to be in pants too before returning to childcare.

Often the mistake parents make with waiting for a child to "be ready" is expecting the child to get to the "I need a wee" stage themselves while still in nappies before the parent actually starts the training. Most children can be out of nappies much earlier with parent help - but they will go through the having accidents phase while they're learning.

BarnacleBeasley · 21/03/2025 13:37

Good luck! When we did it with a newborn, we took it in turns to do a couple of hours each with the toddler, while the other parent got the 'easy' job... I will say it took us longer than a weekend though. But you should be able to get a really good start and it sounds like your childminder is on it.

Oh, just seen your next post - we did no bottoms on at all for the first couple of days at home, as in the Oh Crap book. Then leggings but commando after that. We also didn't use any bribes or rewards, probably because of having a dog where we learnt that if you give a treat for doing a wee, they save it up and do lots of little ones - no idea if that's the same for toddlers!

littleluncheon · 21/03/2025 13:39

Yes definitely reward for getting any wee on the potty - I would pull pants down and be really enthusiastic "you're doing a wee! Quick on the potty!!"
Even if none actually gets in the potty at first you're still making the connection, and making it a positive thing.

Original poster

BurritoTamer · 21/03/2025 13:39

Buttonknot · 21/03/2025 13:35

It sounds normal, but also a sign that it may take a bit longer for him to be potty trained. I think there are different stages of being "ready". If a child is "very" ready, then the process is quicker, but there's absolutely nothing wrong IMO with doing it a bit earlier, when a child is "quite" ready (like your DS) and accepting that it will take a bit longer. That's what I did with my DC (because I hated changing nappies and wanted to get potty training out of the way) but others prefer leaving it till they're older. There's no right or wrong here - it's up to you which approach to take.

Thank you for this perspective I think this sums up the 2 “camps” which DH and I were in and didn’t realise this until now.

im willing to give it a go go the next few weeks with childminder’s buy in as I think the peer element there is massively encouraging for DS - his best friend there is 3 and I think he thinks he’s a seriously cool dude haha!

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Original poster

BurritoTamer · 21/03/2025 13:42

littleluncheon · 21/03/2025 13:37

Do the first couple of days no pants then get trousers on by day 3. He'll probably need to be in pants too before returning to childcare.

Often the mistake parents make with waiting for a child to "be ready" is expecting the child to get to the "I need a wee" stage themselves while still in nappies before the parent actually starts the training. Most children can be out of nappies much earlier with parent help - but they will go through the having accidents phase while they're learning.

This makes sense, thank you. No trousers might make more sense in the short term then!

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BurritoTamer · 21/03/2025 16:20

Ran into another stumbling block - DS has woken from his nap running a high temperature and has a snotty nose

So no wonder he’s been extra clingy today! He’s bloody ill again for 800th time this year

Should we still persevere or postpone?? What a nightmare this is I hateeee it

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maw1681 · 21/03/2025 16:33

Fairly normal day 1, put him in a nappy overnight and try again with no nappy tomorrow, definitely persevere until Monday unless he is really too sick tomorrow