3.5 year old still having accidents.

[HavingAMinute]

Hi!

Looking for some advice for my 3.5 year old DD.

Back in Feb last year, she took off her nanny and insisted she wanted to wee on the toilet like mummy. We had a week off together so I figured I'd follow her lead.

We did sticker charts, nappy free time and slowly build up over the week to wearing knickers and trousers. She did bloody brilliantly and had three accidents throughout the course of the "training period".

She then went back to nursery and had absolutely no success. They reassured me that this was normal and to give her a while to work it out.
So we did. We gave it weeks and weeks. She just couldn't manage.

Throughout this time she was entirely dry at home. Even when we went to soft play, the park, long drives etc. She'd let me know in plenty of time to get her to the loo and we had no issues. She was waking in the night for a wee and had consistently dry nappies.

Nursery eventually asked that we went back into pull ups as it was happening 10+ times a day.
We did do this and left it a couple months before trying again.

Exactly the same issue, perfect at home, no success at nursery.

Then Sept time came round, she turned three and she seemed to click. Accidents became less frequent and all was well. By Novemver, she was finally in the same trousers each day at pick up! Figured it was a long ride but we got there.

However, since the new year, she's not only back to 3-4 accidents at nursery, but having them at home too. I've just asked her if she needed the loo before a snack and she said no, then pooed in her knickers almost immediately. I asked her about it, asked whether her body told her when she needed to go. She said she did know when it was about to come and felt that she needed it.

It doesn't help that from when we started, until July/August time, she had an undiagnosed soy allergy. So she was constantly reacting which massively effected her behaviour too. But we are clear of all those things now, she's a happy, thriving and very switched on little girl. But we STILL haven't cracked this bloody potty training.

Any advice?! Sorry it is so long!

Hopeful bump!

Think you just have to ride it out. Also have a 3.5 year old who has recently started having accidents again because he leaves it until the last possible second to use the toilet and then can’t make it in time.

Thank you. I just really feel for her. She did have a few days of weeing up to 25 times a day. So we saw the GP and sent off wee samples and everything is fine. She's now back to normal and still having so many accidents. She gets so frustrated with it.

It’s so hard isn’t it? A few things to check; is she constipated as this can cause accidents? Is she drinking enough? Does she drink squash - blackcurrant and for some, artificial sweeteners can be a diuretic.
If you get a bit of warmer weather I would recommend lots of pants free time - but can get a bit chilly this time of year!

Agree re considering constipation if these are poo accidents. With poo, maybe try to get in to a routine of sitting on the toilet for 5 relaxed minutes twenty minutes after meals.

Toilet training can be maddening. One of mine took ages to crack it (also after a promising start) and I sometimes lost my temper. It didn't help and I feel bad about it now.

Thank you both, she definitely isn't constipated but I'll definitely try the timed moments. I think since she's always been so good at home, the fact it has now declined means I've not really had to do this! She's had a great day today though. The health visitor suggested a lucky dip of very cheap fun presents. She gets one if she stays dry all day.

I have done plenty of rewards but always in a "get x amount of stickers and you get a present" rather than this way round. It seemed fairer because then she could be working towards it with every success. But they suggested going hard on the rule of one dry day = 1 gift. So I'll give it a go! She seems excited by this prospect.

And no squash here really. Rarely the odd fruit shoot but mostly water with a mug of 'tea' each morning (strictly oat milk, no actual tea!)