Getting the hang at home but not at nursery!?

[AmberM223]

So we have been potty training my 2.4 year old since Saturday, he has been doing quite well i would say at home, not always telling us when he needs a wee but we have been sitting him on the potty every hour or so and out of the 5 days he’s probably only had about 6/7 accidents at home yesterday being the worst day. but at nursery he’s just not getting it at all? He just won’t tell them when he needs a wee, he’s a fantastic communicator, talks like a 4 year old so it’s not that. And he tells me every morning ‘i’ll tell ‘Jane’ when i need a wee’ but then doesn’t? Today nursery have said he probs isn’t ready and to stop, but he’s doing so well at home?? i don’t know what to do and feel frustrated, any tips welcome!

You're not doing as well as you think at home.... you're catching wees, that's not the same thing. Of he's really ready, stop putting him on the toilet every hour. That's not allowing him to feel a full bladder or ask for the toilet.

I was just going by what nursery told me to do to be honest. We do ask him if we haven’t sat him down in the last X amount of time because say i’m cooking tea and sometimes he will say no, and a handful of times he has said yes and gone to the potty and done a wee. He has done every poo on the potty at home since Sat (unprompted) he’s told us everytime, he usually does it at the same time each day.

But nursery do do the same thing as i have been doing, their policy is to actually put them on every 30 mins. And he’s happily gone, not had a wee then done it in his pants 5 mins later all day today, so hence nursery saying this to me.

Ok carry on. I've potty trained dozens of little ones and wouldn't take this approach but ok.

I didn't train DS until 3.4 so later but I found that after a few days I could tell his cues and suggest that he sat on the potty. This meant only a handful of accidents at home after that. Nursery was a completely different matter as they couldn't watch him to the same extent and he would get too wrapped up in playing to realise he needed to go. He was having around 3 accidents a day at nursery for around 6 weeks I think until he finally clicked. They were really good though and I just lived with the extra washing for a bit.

Nursery is a very different environment, I don’t think I personally would have started potty training unless I could have him home for a week to ensure it had clicked. You’re still in week 1, he isn’t fully understanding all the signals from his body yet, that’s fine and normal. It sounds like overall he’s making good progress. I’d be reluctant to give up but at the same time nursery can’t deal with constant accidents so it’s tricky. Can you keep him home with you until next week?

@InTheRainOnATrain unfortuantly it would be impossible for him to be at home with me, i work full time on-site and i’m not a remote worker, and have no holidays to use. I also can’t afford to pay for nursery for a full week and him not to attend!

I don’t mind the extra washing at all, i do think nursery are a little lazy with it but do understand i can watch him closer at home.
I think it absolutely is the fact he doesn’t want to pull himself away from all the activities at nursery to wee, which i understand. I’ll keep going for the next few days and see how he gets on!

What justification do you have for saying nursery are lazy? Have you watched them and seen it with your own eyes?
I’ve seen this so many times, been involved with training hundreds of children- if nursery are saying he’s not ready he probably isn’t. At the moment you are mostly telling him and he’s doing it. Totally different to being ready enough to manage it himself in a nursery environment.

How are they lazy? Do you think it's easier changing a wet child multiple times? It takes adults away from watching the rest of the children putting their ratios at risk.

I think you've got a cheek tbh. Starting potty training a child on a Saturday when you don't have time to take off to follow it though, and continue sending them in pants despite multiple accidents showing they aren't ready.... and you're just deciding it's because the nursery are lazy??

I think it's quite common for parents to take time off in order to get the child really potty trained before they return to nursery. It would really help to spend a week at home to really get it cemented. Though this should have been planned in advance. I'm very surprised the nursery didnt advise this when you discussed potty training. A busier environment can be very tricky unless they've got the hang of it first.

@FrannyScraps you have no idea what i do for a living 🤣 we are not all stay at home mums or remote workers, or people who have lots of holidays and sometimes you just have to do it. He was showing signs of being ready (at home and at nursery) so after his parents evening last week THEY encouraged me to get going with it - so i did.

Unfortunately he doesn’t have the same staff in his room at nursery week in week out, they change a lot. And the younger members of staff - who have been in the room this week HAVE been lazy and not followed THEIR OWN policy (not mine) of taking him to the potty every 30 mins. They even expressed last week this week would be better to do it as it’s half term, so they have much less children in. So all in all your comments are shite :) Yes they have been lazy, hopefully next weeks staff will be much more willing and show some effort for the money they are being paid.

It might be common for parents to take time off to do this, im not saying it’s not - but that’s not real life for everyone so i’ll do what i can with what i have got.

Also just to mention for the last 2 months or so i have been getting him into a routine of potty first thing in a morning, after meals and before bed - i haven’t just thrown him in a pair of underpants and thought right just get on with it.

I totally get it’s hard to get time off, believe me, I trained my eldest with an American vacation allowance but we deliberately went with a 3 day holiday weekend then took 2 days off each so it was day 10 before she returned to daycare in pants and fully trained. Because of their ratios they can’t watch them like you can at home and dealing with constant accidents isn’t fair as that’s attention and time taken away from the other kids. I don’t think that makes them lazy at all. If they’ve put him on the potty every 30 minutes they sound as on it as they can realistically be at a 1:5 ratio. See how next week goes but if it’s more of the same then I’d strongly consider going back to nappies and retrying over Easter weekend as that’s presumably 4 days at home where nursery is closed, which is about the minimum you need really for it to click. Or at another time when you and/or DH (it shouldn’t all be on you unless you’re a single parent) find it easier to manage work wise. He’s not even 2 and a half yet so you should have the luxury of waiting for a more convenient time if you need to.

Why does it matter what job you do? Your comments about the staff are disgusting and you obviously believe you are better and more important that them.

I would give notice to a parent with an attitude like yours. How dare you speak about them like that.

I've very much in a position to give advice (spelt with a c hun). I've potty trained dozens of little ones.

You speak very poorly about the staff at your child's nursery. You're speaking the same to me so I have the measure of your type of personality. Very unpleasant.

@FrannyScraps im very pally and quite good friends with all managers at my child’s nursery actually. And as i say have no doubt unpon their return will agree on the laziness. If i am paying for a service for my child i expect it to be carried out properly and that will be brought up tomorrow and i can assure you i will be listened to :)

Yes how awful of my attitude to expect the best care for my child and to expect them to follow THEIR own policy on 30 min toilet trips. You know just as i’m expected to follow all of their policies - which i do as that’s what i signed up for.

Oh i’m SURE you have potty trained many…that shines through will all your amazing tips and tricks my love

Wow you sound pleasant OP. Agree with PPs that the best way to potty train is to take a week off and stay home and send them back into nursery properly trained in pants to continue the good work there. But you crack on with your method and blame the overworked nursery staff on its lack of success. The mind boggles.

@MrsSamR have you read any of the posts i put!?😂😂😂 i have literally said above i am actually following nursery’s steer on this - not mine. I asked them if i should start, they said yes. I was in no rush at all, he was showing signs but i wasn’t sure, as i say it was them. I’m not blaming anyone 😂😂😂 it’s laughable on here sometimes, i said the staff in the room this week have been lazy - which they have. AND just to confirm my thoughts a mum in the same boat as me at nursery confirmed she thought the same this week with them ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ I am in no doubt next week will be different with them as it will be different staff - that is actually all i have said. Weird behaviour on here sometimes

He's not ready in the slightest. Take a break from it.

ANYWAY to update the actual post on here regarding potty training and not weird mums net posters who prefer to get at people because they are bored.

Hes done amazing on the potty today with only 1 accident because he couldn’t get his pants down quick enough but finished on the potty, so happy with my choice to carry on so far :) But it’s only early so we shall see.

@Yourethebeerthief hes actually done great today and shouted for each wee, or taken himself bar one accident, seems a far cry away from yesterday so by the sounds of it happy for him to carry on and see how to goes until Sunday, but we shall see

'IF' he is really ready*

Just correcting your grammar. Before you decide to come at me, I think this person didn't properly read the concern about her child. I think what you are doing is amazing, battling the nurseries whilst working is hard. As a mother you feel conflicted internally, in more ways than others could ever know. They also didn't think properly about the responses, or know how to read.

I am sorry I cannot offer any advice, as I was seeking it. But from the sound of it. It's going like the usual transition and I can only hope you and the nursery are continuing what they are doing. X

@JRC25 hey! This thread was at the start of the year, within another 2 days of this post he was completely dry day and night. And has probably only had 1 accident since March during the day and none at night! He was absolutely ready and i’m glad i trusted my instinct.
I found that the problem was at nursery he was so busy getting into activities he just didn’t want to miss out by going to the toilet, after being told he could go straight back to do doing what he was doing he just got it and that was that :)
Thank you for the kind words!x