3.5 yo refuses to go #2 in potty

[Fatherofagirl]

I wanted to start training her at 1.5 year old just like my mom did with me and my 6 siblings (Arab background). My American wife was resistant to the idea claiming it was too early and that she would go when she's ready. We ended up starting to introduce it at 2.5, but were too busy, lazy, not serious, etc. When she hit 3, we decided that was it and we took it seriously. Potty/toilet training for #1 was pretty easy and she was so good at it. However, #2 has been a nightmare and she hates not doing it the way she always did (in her diaper/pull up while standing up in a private place). She now goes #1 on her own (3 years and 4 months) and only calls us to help with cleaning. However, she cries or holds it until she no longer wants to go if we attempted to convince her to use the potty/toilet for #2. She will come tell us she needs to put on a pull up so she can go poopoo. She can go a whole night without peeing her pants. She can control her toilet needs when we are out. It's just the one old habit that she refuses to get out of.
We tried rewards and incentives, but she reached a point where she'd rather not get a huge surprise that she'd dying to have (e.g. telescope, piano) than to go #2 in the toilet.
We tried offering her paper on the floor so she can still stand or to go in the pull up while sitting down. No success. I wish I insisted to start at 1.5 or 2, but here we are. Any tips are highly appreciated.

There's a book called everybody poos which helped my niece. But I'd be saying no more pull ups, ever. She's old enough that you can talk to her about why she's worried / scared of doing a poo. Make sure she stays hydrated to avoid constipation, but ultimately if she holds for too long then that can happen anyway. Also I used to talk to my DC about what the poo looks like (eg a snake or a caterpillar), basically trying to make it "fun" rather than routine.

I had them on the loo with a padded seat reducer thing by that age. And the stool they used to climb on had a bunch of activités in it to keep them in place long enough for nature to take effect.

Is she in a child care setting because to be honest seeing others using the loo was a BIG motivator?

I'd also take the drama out of it if you can and just say no more nappies. You can let us know or not. Let her flush when you go. Demystify and reduce the drama.

Its totally normal my child did this insisted on a nappy for number 2's. Grew out of it eventually. It helped having choice of potty or toilet with child seat on. I can't remember what made it "click" eventually but suddenly it just did.* *

I agree to be honest just remove the pull ups. You're a big girl now, you can do your poop on the potty or the toilet, you don't need nappies anymore. Sticker chart for rewarding. At her age and as she clearly had bowel control I'm sure she will get there very very quickly. Blowing bubbles on the potty or toilet is meant to help, have a look at the Eric website for more tips. Both my children were initially a little nervous around pooping on the potty or toilet and my second child sometimes witheld and ended up a bit constipated sometimes due to it. Lots of reassurance, holding their hands, chatting, reading books to them whilst they sat on the potty and basically ignoring the poo situation til they were able to relax and release it - that's what worked with mine, til they got used to it and weren't nervous angmore.

Thanks, everybody, for the responses.

our 2.5 year old sometimes struggles with the idea of pooping on the toilet he will go weeks and be fine then have a really bad week where he doesn’t want to go when this happens we get all of his superhero’s out sit them on the floor and go through the process with them so each super hero has a poo we wipe their bum we wash their hands and so on! could be worth a try for your little girl with whatever her favourite toys/figures are 🙂

We are in the same situation at the moment. I wouldn’t remove the pull ups when she’s asking for them.
Have a look at the ERIC website for guidance, it’s fantastic.