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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Help with potty training

11 replies

rja0702 · 11/01/2025 16:37

Hi,

I started potty training my DD last Tuesday, she's 3 next month. I started off by sitting her on the potty every hour and she's been bare bottom too. Since Tuesday she's done 2 wees and 1 poo on it. I just don't know if she's not ready, she will not voluntarily sit on it and is not telling me she needs a wee. She's been out in pants today, we came home and I asked her to sit on her potty and she said no and became upset.

Does anybody have any tips?

It's really getting me down, just feel like I'm being judged because she's in nappies still.😟

Thanks for reading

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Cyclistextraordinare · 12/01/2025 01:00

Totally not aiming this at you OP, but I honestly think some of the "not ready" thing is bonkers. Babies are born being able to signal to parents when they need to wee/poop, it's just in the West, on the whole, we ignore this and effectively teach them to soil themselves in nappies for years. (Humans didn't used to wear nappies, and in some cultures they still don't - googled elimination communication).

So 'potty training' is really just us helping them to relearn this forgotten skill, and it obviously takes time to unlearn what we've previously taught them. So yes, the older they get the quicker it can be to teach them (as it would any skill), but also by leaving them in nappies for so long it can just further ingrain the behaviour. Which is likely why we have so many four and five year olds at school in nappies.

It's confusing for them when they are suddenly expected to go on the potty when we have taught them to use a nappy, but just like any new thing that doesn't mean we should necessarily avoid it just because it currently feels unknown to them.

Are there ways you can help her to feel like being on the potty is an ok thing to do? I used to find that story books or a little box of raisins did the trick to distract my LOs. And certain points of the day - when they first wake up in the morning or nap time, half an hour after a drink, etc.

My ds1 was 13 months when he would consistently tell us he needed the potty for poops, wees took a couple of months longer, my ds2 was more like 18 months, but it was really all about me not being ready (two kids and frazzled) rather than him. Not sharing that because I think that's spectacular, in fact it would have been the norm a couple of decades ago, but just to say that later isn't necessarily easier.

But be kind to yourself, and try to not let it stress you out. It's not a linear neat and tidy process, and that's normal!

Samanthaaah · 12/01/2025 01:01

It’s only been a few days. In my experience with my 2.5yo it took 7-10 days of doing what you’ve been doing to have good progress (and a lot of accidents inbetween). Have you tried incentivising? Sticker charts, treats for sitting on/trying/success. I was so disheartened when I started, everyone I talked too seemed to say it was a quick process, but it was a good 2/3 even 4 weekends for us before we were confident she would ask for the potty. The Potty Training forum on here is a good sounding board for reassurance.

rja0702 · 12/01/2025 17:14

Cyclistextraordinare · 12/01/2025 01:00

Totally not aiming this at you OP, but I honestly think some of the "not ready" thing is bonkers. Babies are born being able to signal to parents when they need to wee/poop, it's just in the West, on the whole, we ignore this and effectively teach them to soil themselves in nappies for years. (Humans didn't used to wear nappies, and in some cultures they still don't - googled elimination communication).

So 'potty training' is really just us helping them to relearn this forgotten skill, and it obviously takes time to unlearn what we've previously taught them. So yes, the older they get the quicker it can be to teach them (as it would any skill), but also by leaving them in nappies for so long it can just further ingrain the behaviour. Which is likely why we have so many four and five year olds at school in nappies.

It's confusing for them when they are suddenly expected to go on the potty when we have taught them to use a nappy, but just like any new thing that doesn't mean we should necessarily avoid it just because it currently feels unknown to them.

Are there ways you can help her to feel like being on the potty is an ok thing to do? I used to find that story books or a little box of raisins did the trick to distract my LOs. And certain points of the day - when they first wake up in the morning or nap time, half an hour after a drink, etc.

My ds1 was 13 months when he would consistently tell us he needed the potty for poops, wees took a couple of months longer, my ds2 was more like 18 months, but it was really all about me not being ready (two kids and frazzled) rather than him. Not sharing that because I think that's spectacular, in fact it would have been the norm a couple of decades ago, but just to say that later isn't necessarily easier.

But be kind to yourself, and try to not let it stress you out. It's not a linear neat and tidy process, and that's normal!

Edited

Thank you very much for your reply.

Yes you're right, I just need to take each day as it comes. 2 accidents today and nothing on the potty, but like you say it's about teaching them.

OP posts:
rja0702 · 12/01/2025 17:15

Samanthaaah · 12/01/2025 01:01

It’s only been a few days. In my experience with my 2.5yo it took 7-10 days of doing what you’ve been doing to have good progress (and a lot of accidents inbetween). Have you tried incentivising? Sticker charts, treats for sitting on/trying/success. I was so disheartened when I started, everyone I talked too seemed to say it was a quick process, but it was a good 2/3 even 4 weekends for us before we were confident she would ask for the potty. The Potty Training forum on here is a good sounding board for reassurance.

Thanks so much, that's made me feel better. I don't know why I just expected it to click straight away which is unfair for me to think that.

Did you have any days when you told your child to sit on the potty and they said no 😂

OP posts:
autumn1638 · 12/01/2025 17:51

I recently trained my now 3 year old. Yes lots of times she didn't want to go on the loo or potty. I don't push it I just give her a smarties for sitting there even if she doesn't go. And lots of clapping.

There's no such thing as ready or not ready. Just keep going.

rja0702 · 12/01/2025 19:17

autumn1638 · 12/01/2025 17:51

I recently trained my now 3 year old. Yes lots of times she didn't want to go on the loo or potty. I don't push it I just give her a smarties for sitting there even if she doesn't go. And lots of clapping.

There's no such thing as ready or not ready. Just keep going.

Thanks for your reply. How long was it before it started to click with your child? So far today it's just been all accidents but oh well tomorrows a new day Smile

OP posts:
Samanthaaah · 15/01/2025 03:42

rja0702 · 12/01/2025 17:15

Thanks so much, that's made me feel better. I don't know why I just expected it to click straight away which is unfair for me to think that.

Did you have any days when you told your child to sit on the potty and they said no 😂

Yes pretty much everyday! We started mid November and it took until I could use the ‘Santa has brought you a treat’ trick of her advent calendar to really get going. Don’t be disheartened, it’s a huge change for them. Equally don’t feel like you can’t try again if it’s not working out. Like everything with kids it’s not a linear approach and never the same for everyone x

rja0702 · 17/01/2025 21:52

@Samanthaaah

Thank you so much for the wise words. I feel like it's clicked with her now, one tiny accident yesterday but today no accidents at all. So proud of her x

OP posts:
Cyclistextraordinare · 17/01/2025 22:53

Yay! Well done for sticking with it!

rja0702 · 17/01/2025 23:48

Cyclistextraordinare · 17/01/2025 22:53

Yay! Well done for sticking with it!

Thank you very much for your advise too! Smile

OP posts:
Brooomhilda · 19/01/2025 20:34

I did it basically bang on the same time (about a month before 3) and it took about 3 days. This may have been because she was ready but these are the things we did:

-initially took her to the potty every 15 mins. This turned out to be not enough so we shortened it to every 10 mins.
-every time she performed on the potty, she got a sweet. 1 for pee, 2 for poop.

  • she had a sticker chart for pee and poop. Once her poop chart was complete, she earned a trip to the cinema.
-when she did make a mess, we made cleaning and tidying her up take a looooonnnngggg time and made it really boring. I think this was probably the most effective, as she really didn't want to be standing around while we cleaned her up, she wanted to be playing. -made a realllllly big fuss when she did do anything on the potty. I also made sure to loudly tell daddy what a very clever and special girl I thought she was when he came home from work (let her overhear me praising all her fine potty work).

Things that did not work:
-letting her pick her own pants. At one point she decided she wanted to change pants and I said no. She then proceeded to wet herself deliberately so she could change.
-tv/youtube in the potty. She would tell me she needed the potty when she didn't just so she could watch some tv (she doesn't normally watch much at all)
-not keeping up the routine when out and about. In those first few days, I took her to the potty every 10 mins even when we were out (we only went to toddler groups where it would be accepted). I thought at one point I'd let it go 20-30 mins because she was playing. Big mistake.

Basically, I made the whole thing so much a part of her routine that she had no choice but to adopt it. Doing the potty thing was highly rewarded and messing herself was king and boring and not at all easier for her. She was 90% there after 3 days and now, about a month later I can't even remember the last time she had an accident. A few weeks ago maybe.

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