Day one. Not sure if to continue.

[titsmcghee43]

Started potty training my 2 year 8 month old dd today. Lots of talk prior about it, potty has been left around the house for a while. She knows what it's for. I was tentatively optimistic that she'd pick it up well as she's quite switched on and understands/remembers things well.

Bare bum at home all day. She started off well with a poo on the potty which I was chuffed with. However all wees and a subsequent poo have been on the floor. She seems reluctant to sit on the potty or toilet. She will sit for a minute, do nothing then have a tantrum because she wants a sticker for her reward chart.

I thought she was ready but now I'm doubting myself, but not sure if it's too soon to throw in the towel. It's only been a day!

I just don't want to rush her and stress her (and me!) out.

I stupidly believed she would pick it up really quickly and want to use the potty.

How do you know if and when to shelve it for a while?

Not after day 1! She's plenty old enough, you just need to persevere a bit. It's called "training" for a reason; you wouldn't expect her to learn to ride a bike in a day.

No but I'd also rather wait until she is happy to use the potty and maybe understands a little better. Of course I expected accidents but at the moment she seems resistant, almost scared to sit on the potty and keeps asking for a nappy. She has done two poos on it which is great, but every wee has been on the floor!

Poos are usually the harder bit to crack so that’s amazing you’re seeing success there so soon! Don’t quit whilst you’re making such good progress. Especially as 3YOs are usually more stubborn than 2YOs so it’s likely it’ll be harder if you stop now and revisit in 6 months, especially with a failed attempt behind you making it seem optional. To crack wees- I’d pump her full of fluids (if you don’t normally allow juice or squash now is the time) and enforce trying regularly by putting the potty in front of the TV and trying ever 30 minutes until you get a success, which will happen eventually, then a big fuss and a sticker for her chart if that’s the method you’ve gone with. Also, I’d consider putting underwear on her because she probably doesn’t care about a puddle on the floor especially if mummy cleans it up for her. Whereas wet pants feel yuck and she’ll have the hassle of getting changed which will interrupt her play.

Don't quit after 1 day. It's easier while she's more malleable.

Watch like a hawk for any signs a wee or poo is imminent, and then get her on the potty.

At the moment just give her a sticker for sitting on the potty

It's helpful to think of it from her perspective. It's a big change! All she has known is nappies, so if course she wants to have them back. But you just need to stand firm and help her get used to this being the new normal.

No, you can’t go backwards. You know what the end game is - she doesn’t. Believe me the sooner she is potty trained the better so dont delay the inevitable.

I agree it's just been really rough today. I've constantly reminded her to go to the potty and sitting her on it repeatedly, she doesn't do anything then wees right next to it! She's just got in a real state as she did a massive wee on the floor then slipped in it, very distressed. What I don't want is for her to associate fear and upset with the potty.

Will try again tomorrow.

Just potty trained my DS at the same age, and the first few days are so tough. I felt like throwing in the towel for nearly the first full week.

I did loosely follow the oh crap potty training method, and found bits of that good. Self- initiating doesn't come for 3-6 weeks of potty training, so at this stage it's prompting and watching like a hawk to get them on the toilet to finish their wee. On day one, they're just learning that a nappy won't catch their wee anymore, without them even thinking about it. It takes a bit longer to understand the feeling of needing to pee, let alone that it goes in the toilet now.

I popped my DS on the toilet before and after any seated activity - e.g. snacks, going in the car, or watching TV. Especially snacks, as this triggers the need to go. This ended up being a lot of prompting but I didn't dial it back until he was reliably self-initiating. When he was on the toilet, I asked him to listen to his body, did it feel like he needed to go wee? They have to connect that feeling with the toilet, and then understand how to hold it long enough to get to the toilet.

If he started to wee on the floor, I avoided saying anything negative like "uh oh". Instead I said very factually "you're weeing on the floor, our wees go in the toilet now". And lifted him to the toilet to finish it / see if he had any more to go.

If he was refusing to go on the toilet, I didn't push it as I didn't want negative associations. I would just factually repeat that our wees go in the toilet, and ask him to help me clean it.

It did take about 3-4 weeks before I'd call him reliably potty trained, so hang in there!

Sorry to jump on the thread. I feel exactly the same as you. I started training my DD on Tuesday, everyday has been so hard 😳. She's done about 4 wees on the potty and one poo since then. I'm going to persevere with it now we've started but each day is tough at the moment 😟 xx

That's great help and advice

Did you go out much at all when you were potty training? I started last Tuesday with my DD, she's had nothing on her bottom half since then so I think tomorrow will put her in pants and leggings.

How long roughly did it take for you to see your DS was starting to understand it? Thanks so much

She is back to nursery on Monday and I'm worried about how she'll manage there with clothes on when she can't or won't use the potty at home. I know they will be used to this but it doesn't seem right somehow.

She is very bright and I naively thought she would take to it a little quicker.

Have got pull ups which I used today when we had to go to the shops but I don't want to rely on them for nursery as it's just the same as nappies essentially.

@titsmcghee43 back to nursery does make it a bit rougher alright - mine just said to send in as many pants as I could fit in a bag. If you reverse on potty training now, could you take time off work in future to do it for an extended period?

@rja0702 thank you! It took until about day 5-6 until I felt like we made proper progress tbh, but I saw small markers that he was getting it. It started with him yelling for me when he was weeing on the floor, because he was aware it shouldn't go there. And then he started trying to hold it if wee was coming out, and then eventually he was yelling for me before the wee did come out. Around week 3 he was running to the toilet unprompted himself, though he still feels the need to roar "Mummy!" as he does it. Day 5 was our first day no accidents I think, though for the first few weeks there was usually at least one accident a day when he got distracted / tired.

If you can, putting them in lose trousers with no briefs helps for the transition back to clothes. Tight fabric can confuse them as it reminds them of the nappies. It's also easier to pull up and down, before adding in briefs to complicate the process. Does make accident poos very messy though 😅

We went out for little excursions quite a bit actually - I crack up parenting indoors! I got one of those my carry potties, and it's been brilliant. More accidents out and about, so I tried going places with toilets to start and made it an adventure. Lots of "let's go see what their toilet looks like!" or "I wonder what their toilet flush sounds like!"

I know you are tempted to give up but my advice is once you start just keep going, there will be accidents and tears (mostly yours) but if you can persevere you can be done in a couple of days. When I was pregnant with my second DS I potty trained DS1 at 2yrs 4mths so I would only have one in nappies, they can do it you just have to be determined. I had motivation. Unfortunately it seems people are leaving it later and later. When my DC were young the nursery we used wouldn't accept children (from age 3) if they weren't potty trained.

To be honest I have no issues leaving it late. I know it can be seen as a badge of honour to get your dc potty trained super early but I would rather wait until they are ready and make the whole thing easier on us both.

Speaking to friends and seeing threads on here where kids have declared themselves 'no more nappies' or taken to the potty straight away is what I was hoping for. When they begin getting upset and fearful over it I think it's risky to push it too much. We will see how today goes.

I don't think it's fair on her or the nursery to send her in pants if she's still struggling as much as she has been doing the past few days.

How's your day going today @titsmcghee43 ?

Not good unfortunately. Constant wees on the floor and is now saying things like 'I'm scared of potty' and getting upset when I put her on it. We've resorted to a pull up now because frankly I'm drained and I don't want to keep upsetting her. Really thought she was ready but doubting myself now. Hasn't helped that it's been so cold and she's been bare bum since Friday, think that's upsetting and confusing her too. Will see how she gets on at nursery tomorrow with a pull up on and if it's not good feedback I think we will park it for a month or so.

Ah no. My day has been the same today, just one dribble in the potty but wees and poos on the carpet and sofa 🫣. Spoke to the HV and she said if no progress in a couple of days, to give her a two week break then try again. I don't know what to do for the best 🤷‍♀️
She doesn't seem to know when she needs a wee, she's only telling me after she's done it.

In the 70s and 80s the average age for potty training was 18m. Now it's 3.5. i don't think kids have changed, but I do think parenting has changed. Disposable nappies, waiting for the child to do it themselves and acceptance of children in nappies in childcare settings have all contributed to this.

I'm not sure there's much of a badge of honour in not teaching a child either.
The longer they are in nappies, the harder the habit is to break.

And this is helpful how?

I've tried it. It hasn't worked. She is upset and distressed. I'm not going to force it.

As pp said it sounds like it’s actually going really well and you should keep going. Although I understand maybe it doesn’t feel like that when you’re scrubbing wee out of the carpet.

After posting the comment earlier, DD did a wee on the potty after her dinner and shouted with excitement "mummy Iv done a wee" so we shall carry on maybe it's just taking longer to click

I'm not encouraging you to pack it in but I just came on to say I tried my son at 2 year 8 months after pressure from his nursery. A very stressful weekend for me and him and we gave up.

We revisited it at 3 years 4 months (as we had a holiday just before that) and he was trained within 2 days. It was a piece of cake. He is 6 this week and I can honestly say since starting that Wednesday morning he has had 3 accidents in nearly 3 years!

Maybe I was just lucky, but I do think there is something to be said for waiting till they are ready!

@mrsed1987 thank you for this. It's so hard because you feel like you're giving up at the first hurdle but when she is becoming upset and fearful over it then it just doesn't seem right to continue. We are using pull ups for nursery in the hope she will see her peers using the toilet and want to follow suit. But realistically I know she will probably have accidents so the pull up will mitigate that.

I hope I have a similar experience to you if we try again in a few months time! Hopefully it'll be warmer then too.

I'm sure you have her best interests at heart but you really haven't given it much of a go. It's day 3 and you appear to have been put off by a toddler being upset. They get upset quite easily - they are not rational. But that isn't always a sign that you need to stop doing something which is in their interests. You wouldn't stop brushing her teeth because she cried - this isn't really any different.