Potty Training Help!

[SamW92]

Hi everyone,

As you can tell from the title I'm looking for some advice about potty training my daughter.

For some background, she was 3 in August and this will be the 4th time we've tried to get her out of nappies. The first 2 times she was refusing to go near the potty and was just getting hysterical and screaming for a nappy back on every time she was wet so we just put a nappy back on and said we'd come back to it in a month or so. The third time we tried it was because she'd told us she wanted to, although we thought it was a bit too soon as we had another baby in September. That time we got one wee on the potty and then again she was refusing to go near the potty and screaming for a nappy so we put her nappy back on and said we'd try again over Christmas (as we're both at home for 2 weeks and shes off nursery so it would be easier to juggle potty training with looking after our 3 month old). In the meantime we spoke to our health visitor who asked some questions and said she sounds like she's definitely ready to get rid of the nappies and we should just pick a day, take the nappies away and never go back and that when she does use the potty we should go mad with praise and tell her how proud we are so that it makes her want to do it again.

She can hold her wee, when we've tried previously she's held it and held it and then once the nappy is back on there's so much it leaks through the nappy so it's not a problem of not being able to hold her wee long enough to get to the potty. And she sometimes tells us she needs a wee and she hides to do a poo so she obviously knows when she needs to do that too.

So yesterday we took her nappies away. She sat on the potty in the morning and did do a poo in it (definitely unintentional, she was just sitting on the potty) so we piled on the praise, told her how proud we were etc. But since then she has point blank refused to even go near the potty. She won't even try to get to the potty when she needs a wee, she's just weeing all over herself (and the floor, chairs and us) and then getting upset when her pants are wet. When we ask her how she can stop her pants being wet she says "do my wee wee in the potty" but she still refuses to do it.

All day yesterday she said she would "try tomorrow" and as expected she's saying the exact same today. As I write this it's 12:05 and she's had on 12 different pairs of trousers and now she's just sat in her knickers because we've run out of trousers (she wouldn't have knickers on with her trousers).

We've tried offering chocolate and sweets, we've got reward charts, we've offered to move the potty somewhere else, we've put the potty in front of the TV to see if we could get her to sit on it whilst she watches TV, we've tried books and toys whilst she's on the potty, we've even got a little seat for the toilet in case she wanted to use that instead of the potty. There are even some presents upstairs from "Father Christmas" as a reward for not needing nappies anymore. We've tried telling her that her wee and poo wants to go home and they need to go into the potty/toilet to go home (suggested by the HV) and nothing has worked. Today we've tried just leaving her to it and not putting too much pressure on her to use the potty and just cleaned her up without really commenting aside from a reminder that she needs to try to get it in the potty next time but when she's got through 12 pairs of pants and hasn't once tried to use the potty in a day and a half were at a loss of what to do.

We never expected her to get it immediately, and expected some accidents but she's not even trying and we don't know what we can do to encourage her to use the potty instead of weeing on herself all the time.

Sorry for the long post but we're not really sure what else we could try? Or is it a case of leave her to wee on herself and eventually she'll get it? She's back in nursery next week and we don't really want to send her in if she's not even gonna try to get to the potty.

Thanks in advance
Sam

Sounds really rough. I don't really know what to suggest but do you think it's a possibility that the potty itself is a bit uncomfortable to sit on ...I know we had one of those fold out ones and it wasn't very comfy...perhaps it could be the cold sensation that is a bit off-putting. She is ready by the sounds of it but seems to have her own agenda around it! I would gently praise rather than flood (excuse the term) her with loud praise etc. I know we used to follow them about and physically plonk them on it at times...might be an idea to move to pull ups for a bit and explain to nursery that you'd appreciate some support in encouraging her to use the potty at regular intervals. Ime they are more compliant at nursery as they 'line up' with the other kids and kind of follow what the others are doing. Perhaps graduate to knickers once she's been back at nursery for a while and you get a bit of feedback from them how she's using the potty/toilet there. Good luck and try not to stress too much :)

At nearly 3.5 years, the potty is probably a bit too small and uncomfortable for her to sit on for any length of time as they're designed for young toddlers. Try a decent trainer seat on the loo instead.
You just have to keep going. It will click eventually. Don't make a thing out of accidents but heap praise on successful toilet trips.

Currently on the first attempt with my 2.5 year old
We've done 3 days of no pants , soons he starts weeing taking him to the potty to finish his wee , we're now on day 3 of commando and he's wearing loose joggers had quite a few accidents with pants on
Were following the "oh crap potty training method "
I also have a 3.5 year old did the same method , but we're still struggling with poos for her a year in, wees she's fine with
I think potty training is just so hard

Wow also have a few different style potty's, the toilet style one they have most preferred

This was how we did it.
3 days bare bum with long ish t shirt
then about 2 weeks of v loose pants(i bought age 3-4 for my 2 yo...) commamdo
Then progressed to underpants

MY dd had some potty resistance and i realised she preferred a "real toilet" to the potty

Agree with trying the toilet with a training seat and step

Yes she's more likely to copy what grown ups are doing at this age but the potty will be useful for going out perhaps into the warmer months

Thanks for your replies everyone.

We do have a trainer seat and step for the toilet and she won't use that either. We can (occasionally) get her to sit on the potty with her nappy and pants on but she won't even go near the toilet at all.

The first couple of times we tried we did the whole bare bum thing and she was absolutely hysterical every time she did a wee on herself. With knickers/pants she wasn't getting as upset when she was wet which is why we've tried it that way.

She's been in pull ups for a while because she went through a phase of undoing the tapes on standard nappies so we switched to pull ups.

Nursery have been on at us to get it done because she starts school in September, and they have tried taking her down with the other children to encourage her to try there and she still refuses. But she only goes to nursery 2 days a week not full time.

We did manage to speak to the health visitor the other day, after 17 changes of bottoms in 6 hours. They said that it sounds like she's not ready (but we think she definitelt is - she knows when she needs to go and she knows where. She just won't) or she has some anxiety about using the potty/toilet and that's why she won't. When we ask her she says she's scared of the flush but then when we take her with us she loves flushing the toilet, and that doesn't explain why she won't use the potty because they don't have a flush. They suggested we go back to nappies for a few weeks and in that time take her with us to the toilet, and where we can encourage her to sit on the toilet/potty either with her pants/nappy on or pulled down without any pressure or expectation to do anything, and just try to reduce any anxiety she has that way. They've also booked us in for a chat with a nursery nurse in a couple of weeks and they said they should be able to help and give us some pointers so we'll have to see how we get on.