95% there with wee, 0% with poo - help!

[Knockon]

DD2, 3 in January. We started potty training in October. Since then we have got there (pretty much) with wees - she mostly goes when prompted, but holds really well and occasionally (increasingly) takes herself off to use potty.

Poo on the other hand is a disaster! We have managed one poo in the toilet since October (although more at nursery). She won’t make any move to use the potty or toilet to poo, and although we try to watch her for when we think she might poo, she’s still very inconsistent with number in a day/time of day so can be hard to catch! Often times by the time we have realised, she’s already part way to finishing, and by the time we carry her over to toilet/potty, she’s finished. We still do this but it sometimes feels futile when it essentially causes more clean up fun!

The other thing is she still isn’t regularly telling us she has pooed/is pooing either. Most of the time it’s from that look on her face/sudden silence in a corner/the smell that we know!

When we ask her where does poo belong she will always answer toilet, when we ask her what she needs to do when she needs a poo/goes for a poo, she always answers “MUMMY I’M DOING A POO!” we’ve tried using smarties, stickers etc. which again worked well for sleep training so she understands the concept but no dice!

we followed oh crap for wees and it worked well, but a bit stuck on poo!

Any advice gratefully received, as DH and I just have to keep saying “it’s not like she’ll still be shitting her pants at 20, will she!?” To each other after handwashing yet another pair of knickers!!

oh and she gets very upset from the idea of going back into nappies - we tried that as a threat (and followed through) - no change.

Solidarity, OP. I have no real advice other than to say we had weeks of poops in pants when potty training DD1. After the day that i opened the nappy bag with the dirty clothes in from nursery and a turd rolled across the kitchen floor, we told them just to chuck the pants in the end 🫣 Every fortnight i bought a new pack with our supermarket shop. I had a thread on MN under a different username and the advice was just to keep persevering, which we did as i really felt like going back into nappies was a big backwards step. We also went big on rewards - we bought a fancy gruffalo sticker chart, she got a chocolate button and a sticker for every poop in the potty. Nursery also made a sticker chart for her to use there. A week of stickers got a new book or toy to choose from the shop. I don't know if that worked or if she just needed time, but she did get there eventually. We started at 2yrs 9months in March and I'd say it probably took until Sept time for her to be reliable and consistent with both poops and wees, so if she's been trying since October, you might be getting over the worst of it!

It can take a bit longer with the poo part. The PP gives some excellent advice. l also bougjt cheap underpants and never used pull-ups. Always felt they were a backwards step. It can be frustrating but don’t shout at her or stress her. She will get there.

I think I’m probably a bit harder than other parents on this kind of thing (but soft on the sleep training debate - we are all different).

with my kids I used to make the clean up from poo very long and boring. I wouldn’t tell them off, but I would insist on a full shower process, and when they complained calmly explained that if they didn’t want to shower to make sure they get to the potty.

my eldest also seemed to be triggered to fill his nappy by the theme tune to bing. It was quite a curious cue, but useful - if I thought he needed to go I’d pop him on a potty in front of the telly. He did eventually break that association and no longer needs bing to go to the loo. Though I do remember quite vividly playing an episode on my phone in a loo in Pret once.

I think if we were having recurring accidents I would probably pick a time of day to sit her on the loo with something to distract her and wait and see. I know that this might be somewhat controversial but I do know others who have been successful by getting into a more predictable poo routine.

last of all - are there any constipation issues?

Solidarity here too (sadly) 😂 We started potty training 2.5 year old on New Year’s Day last year.. still not mastered it at 3.5 🤦🏻‍♀️ I had told myself by 2 weeks he’d be totally sorted, oh how i laugh looking back 😂 Unlike you, I no longer have the stomach or patience for hand washing sh*y pants! So it’s the bin every time now. I would say we have binned HUNDREDS over the year. That is so wasteful now it’s added up but I was genuinely in proper hell with it at points, alongside a newborns nappies. There were days I’d clean more than 10 dirty bums and just felt like giving up 🙈😂 (how do people with twins do it?!)

We’ve tried all the things but like you I’m thinking maybe just maturity is eventually going to sort it. At nursery he seems to go if he’s taken but will otherwise just do it in his pants, no interest in stopping what he’s doing to go. At home it’s basically the same, he’ll never announce he needs to go, we can just tell he’s bursting and take him before he has an accident.

This may be just personal experience and opinion. There is an emotional maturity that comes with being ready to choose to consistently use a toilet and not feel afraid (which is a thing I've read about for some). I think it's 3.5 years for many children. Using cloth nappies helped because then I progressed to reusable pull ups. Fully potty trained by choice in a week.

I think if they're not ready no amount of rewards or punishments can help. Maybe for your child it's about addressing the fear (something you can help with) and developing awareness of the sensations (largely outside your control)?

My DS had this. For him it was the sensation of letting go his poo. So we did it gradually - first sitting on potty with nappy on doing his business and then getting up and being wiped/ changed on a mat, then on potty but with nappy loosened, finally on the loo.
We went through a final phase of having to say good ye to the poo also.

Glad for the solidarity!!! We are very nearly at the stage of just buying new knickers, it’s such a naus to wash poo out!! Sometimes though we can catch it when its still pretty solid in the pants so much easier yo clean haha

Diet is an interesting one. She is very suspicious of many foods, her nursery diet is somewhat better at home where her favourite meals are cheesy pasta, beans on toast with cheese, chicken nuggets chips and peas or roast potatoes and peas. We always offer her what we are eating, and aim to use her elder sister as a way to say look, you can eat the same as DD1 (who incidentally potty trained herself in 2 weeks after declaring one day she didnt want to use nappies anymore, and eats anything and everything )!

Took my grandson over 12 months to master pooing.
He was 3 and at nursery and still having accidents.
Dd says she has PTS from the whole experience.
She was at her wit's end .
Then I had an idea and told him if he did his poos in toilet and not in his pants he could come to me for a sleep over ..something clicked.
However, there are still dodgy periods but in general he has it mastered.

In case it hasn’t been mentioned already, try Poo Goes Home to Pooland. It’s a free app that’s suggested by the NHS. Downside is you may find yourself waving at the toilet saying ‘goodbye poo’.