Worried about missing the optimum window for potty training

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I keep reading the best time for potty training is up to 30 months but my DD is approaching this and still not walking properly so I don’t think we can start potty training yet. She has a gross motor delay/ hypotonia but doesn’t have other developmental delays. I’m worried about missing the optimum window and that it might be harder as she gets older. Also worried she won’t be ready for school as she’s summer born and will need to start just after 4. Does anyone have experience toilet training a very late walker or toilet trained a child easily after 30 months?

Try not to worry, they all do it eventually. My eldest was late. Started her at 28 months - took her til she was over 4 to be totally accident free in the day. She is a summer birthday and did have quite a few accidents in the first term of reception. They never wanted a meeting etc about it. (She's actually still not dry at night at 7, but we're waiting for a referral to enuresis clinic for that - but she hasn't had an accident in the day for 3.5 years now).

For some kids, you just can't do it in a week.

Nursery decided to potty train my DD at 30 months. It was a nightmare, she had accidents for a year. She would be dry for 3 days and then have a load of accidents, it went on and on.

With dc2 we waited until they were just over 3 and it was done and dusted in a few days.

DD was about 2.6 and it was pretty easy. DS just didn't seem to get it. He potty trained at 3 and a bit and again it was pretty easy. He was dry at night a month or two later as well.

Is she talking? Does she understand speech ok?
As you would with a fully mobile child, keep a potty in every room and I'd take her to the toilet/potty very frequently (eg at least every hour) with lots of repetition of the keywords "we're going to the toilet to try for a wee" and put her on there for a try. If her language is delayed then "toilet/potty" and "wee" would be enough.

Celebrate and reward any incidental usage of the toilet/potty so she starts to make a connection.
If she can speak, she can start to ask for it herself. If not then learn the sign for toilet (videos online).

It may be harder for her because she may have issues with interoception (understanding physical sensations - if she knows when she's hungry then this may not be an issue)

Keep it bright and breezy - good luck

Do it when your both ready. Dd1 was just under 3 and dd2 refused until 3 and a half. Both mastered it in about 2 days

I’m skeptical about things like optimum windows. They’re all different and yours has a couple of other considerations as well. I’m not sure I’d do it before full mobility though.

My boy showed zero interest in toilet training until about 2y9m. We went nappy free, stuck a pair of pants on him (would recommend character pants so that they’re a novelty item) and away he went. Few accidents in the first few days and a few at nursery as he was too busy playing to go to the toilet. But within 3 weeks we were fully trained and nappy free overnight too.

I used a lot of reminders at the start but then pulled back as I felt he had to recognise the cues himself, rather than wait on me.

Also, with the character pants I was able to say “now we don’t want to pee pee on Bluey, do we? Bluey wants to be all nice and dry!”. I would put the pants on my hand in the morning like a puppet and do a voice of the character telling him to please not pee on him.

Does she understand past, present and future? My ds just couldn't get the hang of it when I first tried (single mum, full time teacher so had to time it for school holidays and warm weather) in the summer he was 2 1/2. Caused him so much distress.
So I left it until the next year when he was 3 1/2 and happily able to chat about yesterday, today and tomorrow ( so big cognitive development). I just explained he'd have a funny feeling in his tummy (showed him where), reminded him that last time he'd felt it he'd had a wee so the next time he had it, he'd be needing a wee. It took 48 hours from the conversation to being fully dry and using the toilet, not the potty (they were for babies, he proclaimed!). The only couple of accidents were due to mistiming ( he knew he needed to go and was on his way, just didn't quite get there) as he worked out how much time he'd need from the feeling to the wee.
Saved us both so much stress. He had gross motor skills delay too, although was walking by 2 1/2. I wonder if that also meant other muscle control and sensation was a bit delayed. Anyway, once I'd realised he needed to understand what he was trying to do and how it all joined up, it was that quick. Dry at night from that point too.
Hope that helps / reassures you. Good luck!

Thanks all for the tips and reassurance.

To answer a few if the questions her speech and understanding are OK and I think she knows what the potty is for as we have read some books. I’m not sure yet if her low muscle tone affects her sensations in relation to toileting - there are still so many unknowns about her condition and what the future holds. She does tell me when she is hungry (or when she wants snacks at least!). She can take a few steps independently at the moment but prefers to walk with a hand hold and can’t get up to standing from the floor.

3 is fine

We potty trained DS at 3yrs and 1month and it was so much easier than expected. Took 3-4 days. My friends who trained theirs around 2 yrs sounded much harder, and others who waited found it easier. I wonder if this optimum window is a way of selling books.

It may feel like there is not much time between 2.5 and starting school but actually its quite a long time so you have ages left to get this sorted. If you're not ready and your child isnt no need to start yet wait 3 months and see where you are then. Any child care setting can help too but you're the parent and can lead this. In 3 months children that age can develop a lot.
If you read some information about potty training and maybe get a book to educate your child too :)

Optimum windows are just another thing to make parents feel shit IMO. There'll always be kids who train earlier or later and both are fine. DS was just turned 3 and had it down in a couple of days.

Have you considered deferring her school start, as she's summer born?

I think the majority of people potty train their kids too early - it takes them weeks and lots of accidents. If you wait till they're a little older and ready, it can be 2 days and no accidents.

Don't worry! My son is 32 months and we haven't started properly, but in the last few days, completely unprompted he's started to ask to do some wee's on the toilet.

So come January we will do it properly (we have 4 or so long 2-2.5 hour drives this month, so we'll get those out of the way first!)

We tried a few times to potty train between 24 and 30 months and it was a disaster. DS was fully on board and potty trained really quickly when he was 34 months. And it's stuck with no relapses, barely any accidents after the first week and he does it all independently except poo wiping. We started on the Friday and by the Monday he was back at nursery and has had maybe three accidents in total (at home or nursery) in the five months since and those were more our fault than his.

My experience watching lots of people around me is that yes you can train them at 20-30 months, but it takes a lot longer before they're accident free, involves a lot more parental oversight in that time (reminding them to go, forcing them to try etc), they often regress more than once and you're still having to help with their clothes etc anyway.

A lot of people who claim their child was potty trained at a very young age have a very low bar for what qualifies as trained. To me, trained means basically no accidents and able to toilet independently, which is much easier at 2.5+ than the "ideal" window "experts" tout.

Mine both potty trained on the early side, BUT under these circumstances I’d wait until she is physically more ready otherwise you’ll just be putting her on the potty and hoping to catch it. It will lead to frustration on your dd side if she is cognitively able to understand but physically unable to get herself there. I do not usually subscribe to wait until she is ready school but I would in these circumstances.