Toilet training please help 😭

[mrose88]

I have a very stubborn 3.5 year old. Tried toilet training at 2.5 but he really wasn't ready and I was pregnant so it wasn't the best time.We have been at it for three months now. He will sit on the toilet but rarely pees. He's in undies and I realised that he does have awareness because he was naked today and asked for clothes when he was busting for the toilet because he's essentially using them like a nappy 🙄. He gets in the shower and will hold his penis to wee. This is driving me insane already been to the paediatrician ruled out any delays. He is making my life hell and I know this sounds horrible but I'm actually so embarrassed I can't get him toilet trained. He never has accidents in public either so he does know but is just happy with the status quo. I've tried rewards. Nothing seems to work and I'm cleaning up accidents all day. What should I do?

That sounds really hard. Interesting that he never has accidents in public. That implies that he has sufficient bladder control to use a potty - as you say, he just doesn't want to!

Given that the problem sounds more mental than not being physically ready, I'd probably use pull up pants, so that he can use the potty if he chooses to but if he doesn't it is absorbed by the pants. That would save you cleaning up accidents all day, and reduce the stress of "oh no, you've done it again! now I have to clean this up and I'm angry" - even if you don't say it he may absorb that he has done a bad thing. Maybe take the pressure off - encourage him but don't force him and make a really huge song and dance about him doing anything like sitting on the potty, or doing a wee/poo in the potty. He'll do it eventually, it sounds like you just need to get him on board with the idea.

Have you tried reading him books about potty training which make a big deal about how great it is to use the potty?

Also - you say "toilet" - do you have a potty or is he using an adult toilet?