Stick it out or take a break?

[NewMumSmith]

Looking for some guidance, solidarity, cheerleading or recommendations...

Toddler is 28 months old and we have been potty training for 3-4 weeks.

Felt a little pushed into it by husband and nursery but he did show some signs of being ready (eg. interest in the potty, wanting nappy changed, telling us he needed/did a wee or poo, would wee in potty before a night time bath).

He started off his training at nursery with nursery doing regular visits. We kept up with this method but he often refused to sit on the potty and then would wee himself straight after. He often appeared to not even realise he was weeing. There was A LOT of accidents but we carried on.

About 5 days later, the poor thing got tonsillitis so was rather poorly. We did however carry on as we felt it was important to be consistent. As he was off nursery with me he often went when I would go. He sadly started not weeing for up to 6 hours at a time though and refused to drink anything so we ended up in A&E on a water challenge (syringing liquid). In some ways it was better as there were less accidents but this was because of the tonsillitis so not a true reflection.

He's now recovered from the tonsillitis and whilst it's not as bad as when we first started, he is very inconsistent. We are still doing scheduled visits or encouraging regular visits and/or waiting for the signs (we often try a combination) and sometimes he will sit and go, and then other times he screams and says he doesn't like the potty and then wees himself. Sometimes he'll say he needs to go, so I rush him to the potty and he goes and then other times he just wees and it's like he isn't even aware that he's weeing. He also drinks a lot and so he can often wee himself several times in an hour as he's drinking so much.

I'm just really unsure of what I should be doing. Should we pause for a while and try again after Christmas? Or are there other things to try? Or do I just need to give it more time? Sadly I'm surrounded by people with perfect toddlers who got it really quickly!

Things we have tried:
-Naked bottom approach. Sobbed as he wanted to wear pants.
-Treat for going. Chocolate button, sticker chart etc. Sometimes works. Sometimes does not.
-Playing with toys or reading whilst on the potty to encourage him to go. Not interested.
-A second potty next to his potty so Teddy can go at the same time. Worked a couple of times early on. Not any more.
-Reading the No more nappies book, singing along to potty training songs and reminding him of the big boys and girls in the book/song etc that use the potty. He will often repeat back 'No wee wee in pants' / 'Wee wee in potty like the boy' but this doesn't always translate to his actions.
-Decorating the potty with stickers so it's his own. Doesn't really seem to have helped.

I'd be grateful of anyone's thoughts.
.

What are you saying when you take him to use the toilet/potty? I found not saying anything worked better as if I said "let's try and do a wee" "I think you need a wee" etc I'd be met with "I DONT NEED A WEE" and it would just escalate. I just stopped saying anything in the end, spoke about something else whilst I carried him to the potty/toilet and then he would be distracted and not realise so didn't kick off

Yes. That's what I've been doing. Lots of 'time for a wee wee', 'do you need a wee wee', 'wee wee time' etc. I'll try that today. Thank you

You talk about wees quite a lot but how are poos going? When you say he drinks a lot, how much is that?

A little similar with poo. He often tells me 'I'm pooing' as its coming out and then we rush to the potty. He seems to have more awareness of poo.
In terms of drink, it's something I've thought about speaking to the GP/Families Team about. He can drink over a litre in less than an hour. Sometimes he drinks steadily and then other times he downs cup after cup in quick succession. He used to always have full nappies that needed regularly changing.

@NewMumSmith how's it gone today?

Thanks for checking back. Your tip worked an absolute treat this morning! Worked perfectly everytime. Thank you.

Sadly this afternoon has been another story. It worked once he woke up from his nap but then he wet himself 3 times in an hour. We assumed once he had been once, he wouldn't need to go, but then he went again and then again all within a short space of time. After each time, we sat him on the potty but he said he'd done. I feel like it's two steps forwards and three steps back.
He didn't even seem to acknowledge the weeing this afternoon.
Feeling a bit lost now. One minute I think he's ready and he just needs time but then after this afternoon, I just feel like he's not ready.

I’m no expert, but I would just keep going. Any progress you’ve made to date will be undone if you go back to nappies now.

Honestly I’d recommend sticking it out. I regret stopping and starting with my first. Remain calm when there are accidents. Relax approach rather than stop. It’s a challenge. I know some books recommend no pants until they get it. I’d recommend phoning the HV they have support for potty training.

Given there is potentially something unusual about his drinking as well as having more trouble than normal with potty training, I'd probably try calling the free helplines for either ERIC or Bowel and Bladder UK. The first is kids only but usually harder to get through to, the second is all ages but does have a dedicated pediatric continence nurse to answer calls for kids. I would recommend them over your GP as a first point of call, my experience is that this is something GPs are really hit and miss on. If you go into a GP appointment saying you've spoken to either of those helplines GPs have always gone with what they recommended in my experience.

DC1 and DC2 cracked potty training in 2 days and a week respectively. DC3 hadn't after 3 months and it turned out to be a medical problem. Persisting with potty training with hindsight was a complete waste of time. I think you need to get some expert advice and go from there as to whether it's just a case of persisting or actually time to try something different, or even time to see a GP.

Do you put a nappy on for his nap @NewMumSmith? Maybe that confused things a bit this afternoon and he might of been a bit tired still?

I'd definitely persevere.

I saw what you say re him pooing and my DC was exactly the same - would tell me literally as he was about to do a poo and we'd have to run to the toilet/potty

We used to have a rug and the potty in the middle of the living room

Even now a few months on we have had stages where he has regressed. He had HFM and then kept doing a little bit of a wee in his pants before he'd decided he would be going but now he's back to normal and we're not having any accidents at all

Thanks for all the support and suggestions. We have persevered and appeared to have turned a bit of a corner (for now). He's doing loads better.
Can't thank you all enough for the tips and making me feel less alone.
We keep going!! X

Take a break.

Tried on and off for over a year with DS, including some nightmare experiences on holiday. he finally got it together age nearly 4 when he started preschool. I wished I had waited and saved myself a year and a half of extreme stress,

With DD we ran out of nappies one day when she was 2 and she just got in with it, only ever had a handful of accidents.

If they want to do it, it will happen.

Cross post, that's good to hear! Good luck!

Thankyou. They are all so different and I don't think there is a right or wrong. Thank you for sharing your experiences and glad you got there. For now... we are not perfect but we carry on! X