Refusal to use toilets at preschool, reduced timetable imposed

[Lwizzer]

Hi

My son is fully potty trained, he prefers going at home but we have managed to get him to use public toilets with much persuasion. However, he started preschool in September and refuses to use the toilets there at all. He holds his wee in all day! This resulted in the preschool imposing a half day timetable on him and he can't go back up to full days until he's willing to use the toilets.

We are now 8 weeks in to this half day timetable and still no luck with the toilet. I've tried getting him to go at school pick up and successfully got him to twice but the other times are met with a firm "NO".

What am I doing wrong? Anyone have any tips? It's causing me severe anxiety and stress now as it's impacting my work (work 4 days a week).

The other thing I don't get is the preschool say they take children in nappies, but when I suggested to put a pull up on him they were resistant.

Thank you in advance

Xx

Is he having accidents? My DS is in Year 1 and has very rarely gone to the loo at preschool/school. He has a wee before he leaves and one when he gets home and is fine throughout the day.

How much water does he drink?

The school is being ridiculous.
Id put in writing a complaint and also mention they won’t accept a nappy when they do

What a pp said - is he actually having accidents? At my old primary school there were two Reception classes and one had toilets in and the kids in the other class had to walk into that classroom to use theirs. My friend's little sister was in the class with no toilets and was too shy to go into the other one to use theirs. Her mum used to have to take her to the loo when she dropped her off and again when she picked her up and she could normally last through the day that way. If he's not actually wetting then I would request that they just let him skip any communal going to toilets that they're trying to get them all to do.

He's entitled to his education. I know once the child is statutory school age the school can't assist on a reduced timetable (England and Wales, not sure about Scotland and NI) - you don't have to agree to it.

Does he actually need to go to the loo. DS didn't go to the loo at school for the first 5 years unless it was a school trip day where the threat of missing out on the trip (and the fact it was first thing in the morning so wasn't too dirty) meant he would go if it was insisted on. I had to have my key in my hand as we got to the front door as he'd be dancing on the doorstep by that point and dash straight to the loo but it was manageable. They got to use a different, newer toilet block in Yrs 5&6 and he was fine with going to the loo

Early years teacher here. Is your child in a school based nursery or private? School based Nurseries are not allowed to reduce timetables unless there are significant issues with keeping the child safe in a setting. Also, they are not allowed to refuse children a place / reduce time if they are not toilet trained or having regular accidents. This is against the law and you can refuse. I’m not sure where private Nurseries stand though, as they are primarily a business as opposed to Education.

Ridiculous! If he chooses not to wee that's fine. Is it causing any harm?

Thanks everyone for your responses, he doesn't have any accidents at preschool as I make sure to take him in the morning at home. This is a school based preschool.

He does drink a fair bit and they say he obviously needs to go (dancing around, crossing legs, holding crotch). They say they are not comfortable having him go a full day without using the loo. I will definitely challenge them at our next review meeting 🥲 I did think we were being treated unfairly.

Weirdly enough I bumped into another mum who's son used to go to the same preschool, and they forced half days on him too but for the reason of not eating anything. Very odd 😮‍💨

I think the preschool are being very responsible. It’s not good for your DS’ health if he’s deliberately holding in wee for hours.

Coincidentally he (FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER) had two wees on the toilet at preschool yesterday 🥳

In the meantime can you take him home to wee th egg n back to school?

You're not doing anything wrong but the preschool is.

Can you find another preschool willing to take him?

Your child is being mistreated by people who know nothing of normal child development.

Please stop pressuring him about this.

Sounds so bizarre they want so many kids on half days. Mine hated school toilets because they weren't kept clean and didn't use them unless absolutely necessary even as teenagers.

If he was having accidents it might be different but I don't think nappies are actually good idea at all.

If he had used toilet there now I'd start sending him full time straight off as he has met their milestone and not enter any discussions about it.

Full days from Monday then 🤣