AIBU- Potty training at nursery

[Tiredandlosingit]

Hi everyone,

Dd turned 2 in August and we decided to start looking into potty training. We did all the usual things; sticker chart, praise, running around with no clothes on etc. Overall shes done really well. She does still have accidents at home but very often she will take herself off to the potty. If we take her out she has asked to use the toilet but doesn't tend to ask at home she just goes.

Now at first I didn't get nursery involved (she attends Mon-Friday 8am-1pm) and then they suggested to me that they would start putting her on the potty because she was telling staff when she had soiled herself. We continued to send dd into nursery in pull ups and asked them to encourage to use the potty as much as possible. They never really gave us any update on how she was getting on. When we pressed them they asked that she be sent in training pants which we've been doing.

Now my issue is they have called me today to ask if they can put her back in pull ups. I was told their new potty training policy would be 5 accidents and then back into a pull-up. She's never had 5 accidents at nursery. She's been going to nursery in pants for around 2 weeks.

I've been told by staff she's been doing well with the potty and sometimes asks to go the toilet but doesn't always ask in time. This all seems normal to me.

She was sick all last week and stayed home and she seems to be struggling with the potty at nursery this week.

The room leader told me that it wasn't fair that she was having so many accidents as it takes time away from the other children. I feel this is extremely unfair and harsh especially when she's been out of her routine for a week. She probably has 2-3 accidents a day at nursery.

Am I being unreasonable at the seeming lack of support? If they feel she's not ready then they are entitled to that opinion but it's the mixed signals and lack of communication that's really annoying me.

Thanks

I'm not sure but 3 accidents in half a day is probably too high for their policy.

2-3 accidents a day at nursery when she’s only there for half a day is too many. She’s not ready if she’s having that many.

If she’s having 2-3 accidents daily in a 5 hour period then she’s certainly not ready to be in pants, nor is she really potty trained at all if I’m honest. It’s not fair on nursery to have to change her so often. Time to go back to basics, OP

2-3 accidents a day isn’t potty trained. She doesn’t sound ready.

Sounds like she isn’t potty trained if she can’t independently go to the toilet yet. You need to go back to basics and teach her again.

It’s unreasonable to expect the nursery to have to do it, and that many accidents is not something they should be expected to deal with. Ratios aside, It’s a health and safety issue as much as anything as others could slip on the puddle / come into contact with faeces etc.

I find people who rushed potty training or decided they didn’t have enough time to focus on it properly, or were half assed so didn’t focus solely on that, are the ones who had issues like this.

I took a week off work, but did the whole ‘no phones’ thing and followed ‘oh crap’ to the letter. It was exhausting and intense staring at my naked child all day for ‘signs’ and then slowly getting them used to going out and about but meant both my kids were trained within 3-4 days at 27 months and that was that so i could cancel the rest of my leave. Appreciate some kids take longer but if that’s the case, that’s your job, not the nursery.

She doesn’t sound potty-trained or ready. For reference, DD was 2.something and trained herself, more or less: sat down on a potty we’d had about the house for a while, announced “I do this now, no nappies”, and that was it, done. No stickers, charts, accidents – I think two accidents in the first six months and those were parental fault of not enforcing a loo trip before leaving the house.

Having to wear nappies at nursery but not at home is confusing. Just take a break from it all, leave the potties around the house, and wait for her to take the lead.

YABVU

2-3 accidents in a day is not ready. Every time this happens it will take nursery staff time changing her so isn't fair on either your DD or the rest of the room.

Why are you forcing this on your child so young? It's still very early and what's the harm waiting til she's more ready?

i agree with the others @Tiredandlosingit - it doesn’t sound like she’s ready at all. All kids are different obviously but my DS potty trained at just over 2.5 - I took a week off work and he never had a pull-up back on from the minute we started (personally, I think having them on for nursery would have been confusing!). He went back to nursery the following week (3 full days per week 8-5.30) and had about 2 accidents a week for the first maybe 3 weeks. Usually because he was playing and never made it to the loo on time. Or they’d been out within our town (beach/forest etc) and he couldn’t quite hold until they were back.

Just to reassure you, my nursery told me they felt my chest was ready to start potty training and to send her in in Knickers then approx a week later they said they were wrong and they'd prefer pull ups again for a while. We all got there when she was ready. She was just over 3.

She should still be in pull-ups as to avoid accidents. Our daughter is also 2yrs4months and she's in training.
We use pull-ups still as sometimes she doesn't tell us she needs the potty.. but sometimes she'll tell you she needs a potty.. it's a working progress, some weeks are better than others.

In my humble opinion of potty training my 9 children - if they're ready they really rarely have accidents. No more than one in a few days and quickly down to one in a few weeks. I can see why nursery (who in fairness see lots of children) think she isn't quite ready yet and don't have time to keep changing her. Can you imagine if all the 2 yrs olds were having 3 accidents in half a day....

2-3 accidents in half a day is too many, the 5 rule probably applies to a full day so pro rata she’s there unfortunately. Also, a trained kid would only go to the loo once or maybe twice in that time so if you’re up to 3 accidents then that suggests she actually isn’t trained at all. Which isn’t the end of the world, because she’s only little and it’s process but I do think nursery are being perfectly fair. The only thing I would ask them to try if you haven’t already is taking her every hour to see if that can stop the accidents and agreeing that she can put whatever she’s playing with to 1 side so it doesn’t get taken by another kid whilst she’s in the loo.

Thanks to everyone who replied. We probably will take a break from potty training for now.

I do want to clarify a few things I'm not 'forcing' my child to do anything. She was showing signs of readiness and so we started potty training. I'm also not expecting to nursery to potty train my child for me.

She is perfectly happy to use the potty at home and use public toilets when we're out and will ask to use them when she needs them. She was accident free at home until she got ill.

Nursery may just take more time as she doesn't want to stop playing to go to the loo.

I feel you can't win with potty training. If you wait until they're older you get judgement and called lazy and if you try and start younger you're forcing them.

Nobody is judging you OP. You just can’t say that your child is potty trained when she clearly isn’t and expect nursery to pick up the pieces.

Ha so true about not being able to win!!

Have you discussed it properly with nursery yet? Before you throw in the towel, which would be a shame if she’s doing so well elsewhere it’s definitely worth a chat if you haven’t already.

I’d want to know- can she access the loo whenever she needs to (can be an issue sometimes in younger rooms), are they taking her regularly on a schedule, are there other kids in her room that are training and could they buddy up for loo trips, will staff keep whatever she’s playing with safe for her return from the loo so no issues with her losing her turn by going, would they do a sticker chart to encourage her (you can have x stickers = a reward at home so it’s not unfair to the other kids)… that sort of thing. If they’re doing all that and more, and it’s a refusal issue, then fine and back to pull ups for nursery for now but I’d at least want to know that they’d tried what they could to encourage her before doing that. Especially when she’s doing so well outside of school!

You’re not forcing her. The idea of ‘readiness’ is wrong, all kids are ready after 2 as long as they have basic understanding of what you are saying (which unless there are special needs, they should by 2). It gets much harder from 3 so I would persevere, could you try over Christmas to crack it?

I agree with what you have said. Your child definitely is ready for potty training if she is fine at home but nursery aren't ready for her.

My son never soiled himself at home but at nursery he started to. He was potty trained at 18mo and soil free for 6 months before nursery. They just weren't picking up on his cues and it made him anxious to ask. I took him out of nursery because of it as he just felt so uncomfortable.

They can regress after an illness. Also in colder weather. No big deal. Pull ups are the way to go.