Potty training - now or wait?

SayDoWhatNow · 2024-10-06T12:57:05+00:00

My DS is 27 months and he's shown some physical signs of potty training readiness for ages: - good language skills - can pull down his trousers and nappy - mostly poops when we are not in the room - will sometimes tell me when he has peed in his nappy - has done a pee on the toilet as part of his bathtime routine for months - when he had a suspected UTI months ago, had him go naked to try and get a urine sample and he held it for hours until clearly uncomfortable and was asking for his nappy back on because he wanted to pee, so I think he has control of when he pees I thought it might be a good time to start, so got him some pants and some books about potty training. Read them a few times, he was excited about wearing pants. Planned some nappy free times to prepare for starting, and put him in some pants. First time wearing the pants, he peed in the pants, then said he wanted a nappy back on and has since then also not peed when on the toilet in the evening. Now says he doesn't like the pants. So what to do? I could say he's not emotionally ready and try again in a few months. But that feels unhelpful when I think he has control and understands the mechanics of peeing. When I night weaned him and then weaned off breastfeeding, he needed this to be very parent led (would likely still be feeding on demand day and night if I hadn't set boundaries), so I'm reluctant to have him get to comfortable with nappies, but also don't want to stress him out if the work of managing using the toilet is still too overwhelming.

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Motherrr · 06/10/2024 14:18

Ditch the pants and get the book 'oh crap! Potty training'. She advises not giving the child underwear for a good while, because at the beginning it feels too similar to a nappy against their skin

This was correct with our daughter... I put on her 'big girl pants' and she weed in them straight away. Waited a few weeks til she understood it a bit more and that association had gone. Just put him in trousers or nothing for now

And sounds like he is definitely 'ready'... just because there are bumps along the way it doesn't mean they can't be taught what to do. Far too many kids are kept in nappies for so long now because it's easy. Good luck!

MrsSunshine2b · 06/10/2024 14:49

The concept of potty training "readiness" was a Pampers Marketing campaign, and is responsible for the average age of potty training being pushed back further and further. The right age to potty train is the age when the parent is ready to potty train. As PP says, the best thing is to avoid pants in the early phase.

Original poster

SayDoWhatNow · 06/10/2024 17:01

Thanks @Motherrr and @MrsSunshine2b . I think resistance here has definitely been not wanting to rather than can't, so probably good to persevere.

Good tip about the pants - I'll try having him bare on the lower half rather than straight to pants!

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GinnyBee · 07/10/2024 08:22

As other posters have said, potty training readiness doesn’t mean it happens magically without accidents or effort. And waiting later and later is a fairly recent trend, and can lead to problems later (earlier trained kids have fewer problems with incontinence later on). Potty training readiness really just means the child has the capability to be taught, and that ability usually is there by 18-24 months. And after 3yo it gets harder because of free will and power struggles. Oh Crap recommends the best age for training to be between 20-30 months.

He’s more than ready, and also old enough to understand he has choices and preferences, so there will be some resistance initially. Kids love routine and not always too keen on change, that’s all it is. He’s used to the nappy but not used to going on the potty, that bit needs to be taught and he will get used to it eventually.

We started training our 28mo three weeks ago and I wish I knew a year ago what I know now and we’d have started earlier this summer. But after the initial 2 weeks he’s been mostly accident free! I wasn’t able to be at home with him for more than two days at the weekend when we started and then he had to go to nursery. He was commando for the first week but after that I’d had enough of washing poo out of trousers that had been bagged up for hours and got cheap pants from primark that can just be binned if he poos in them. It was earlier than recommended to introduce the pants but oh well. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Shoobidowhop · 07/10/2024 08:27

Just do it, there will be accidents but it's amazing to get them out of nappies. Better now then when they're even stronger willed as they get older.
I did pants free for 1 day then wanted to get into pants quickly to make sure they didn't become an issue but you can definitely go longer if he needs.

savannahowl · 07/10/2024 08:38

Motherrr · 06/10/2024 14:18

Ditch the pants and get the book 'oh crap! Potty training'. She advises not giving the child underwear for a good while, because at the beginning it feels too similar to a nappy against their skin

This was correct with our daughter... I put on her 'big girl pants' and she weed in them straight away. Waited a few weeks til she understood it a bit more and that association had gone. Just put him in trousers or nothing for now

And sounds like he is definitely 'ready'... just because there are bumps along the way it doesn't mean they can't be taught what to do. Far too many kids are kept in nappies for so long now because it's easy. Good luck!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

savannahowl · 07/10/2024 08:38

MrsSunshine2b · 06/10/2024 14:49

The concept of potty training "readiness" was a Pampers Marketing campaign, and is responsible for the average age of potty training being pushed back further and further. The right age to potty train is the age when the parent is ready to potty train. As PP says, the best thing is to avoid pants in the early phase.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Mumofoneandone · 07/10/2024 08:56

Tried first time with my DD rising 2 and didn't work. Tried again at rising 3 and no problems (waited for warmer weather and DS to be a bit older so wasn't juggling newborn and potty training). Nighttime dryness took a little longer but only a few months.
With DS, we started earlier, one winter, as he seemed ready, and it worked fine. (Can't remember if he was 1 or 2!) Night time dryness took a lot longer though.

Original poster

SayDoWhatNow · 07/10/2024 13:21

Thanks @GinnyBee , that's really helpful advice!

If you don't mind me asking, how did you manage with nursery after just a weekend? I have the feeling our nursery wants 2 fully dry / no accident days before they will take him out of nappies at nursery, which feels a bit optimistic really!

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savannahowl · 07/10/2024 14:03

SayDoWhatNow · 07/10/2024 13:21

Thanks @GinnyBee , that's really helpful advice!

If you don't mind me asking, how did you manage with nursery after just a weekend? I have the feeling our nursery wants 2 fully dry / no accident days before they will take him out of nappies at nursery, which feels a bit optimistic really!

You need to take some time off. 2 days isn't enough.

GinnyBee · 07/10/2024 15:34

SayDoWhatNow · 07/10/2024 13:21

Thanks @GinnyBee , that's really helpful advice!

If you don't mind me asking, how did you manage with nursery after just a weekend? I have the feeling our nursery wants 2 fully dry / no accident days before they will take him out of nappies at nursery, which feels a bit optimistic really!

I was a bit unsure about it but they said to me themselves to not go back and forth between wearing nappies and not and to just go for it, they’re used to dealing with it. I guess it depends on the nursery what their policy is.

Original poster

SayDoWhatNow · 07/10/2024 16:50

@savannahowl I'm planning to take enough time to give us 4-5 days across a weekend. But I'm not sure I'll get to no accidents after that - most people I know who have done potty training it's been more like 3-6 weeks of gradual improvement and regressions, even if they started with something like "oh crap."

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savannahowl · 07/10/2024 17:00

SayDoWhatNow · 07/10/2024 16:50

@savannahowl I'm planning to take enough time to give us 4-5 days across a weekend. But I'm not sure I'll get to no accidents after that - most people I know who have done potty training it's been more like 3-6 weeks of gradual improvement and regressions, even if they started with something like "oh crap."

Nursery will expect them to have a few accidents don't worry. They don't need to be perfect

Cotswoldmama · 07/10/2024 17:16

I know everyone seems to hate pull ups but I found them a great way of having a stress free toilet training. We really praised him when he used the toilet but we didn't have to worry about accidents. We only needed about 4-5 days of pull ups and then he was just using the toilet and wearing pants. I can't remember ever any wetting his pants apart from when his nan made him laugh so much he wet himself! He was 3.5 though so he had really good language skills and understanding. We had tried at a younger age straight to pants and there was loads of accidents.

Original poster

SayDoWhatNow · 17/10/2024 21:03

So we did it ...

Slightly unconventionally, had 2 days last weekend with lots of nappy free time and encouraging him to use the toilet. About 50% on the toilet.

Then back in pull ups for nursery Monday - Wednesday, but nursery team have been showing him the toilet there and encouraging him to use it.

First full day without nappies today and only one accident! He told me twice that he needed to go as well. So he was absolutely ready for training.

Planning to send him in to nursery on Monday with no nappies, which they are happy with. Main sticking point is likely to be that he's not used a toilet other than at home yet. I took him out twice today and he did sit on a toilet at the cafe but didn't use it. Also that he mostly needs to be told to use the toilet. Hopefully they will prompt him regularly but I can see that getting missed in a busy toddler room!

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Borgonzola · 02/11/2024 13:31

We've just started the Oh Crap method for my 27mo in earnest after one wee and one poo in the potty over the last month or so just being nappy free in the evenings. We've just had 5 hours of absolutely dot from her - no wee or poo - so I suspect she's holding in the wee or just isn't really sure how to relax the muscle when not in a nappy. She wears reusables so she's aware of them being wet - she tends to say 'soggy bum mummy' when she's done a wee - and I'm starting to wonder if we've left it too late as she seems quite averse to the potty at the moment - refuses to sit on it just to have a go and won't talk about it if we try to slide it into conversation. Any tips?!

savannahowl · 02/11/2024 13:34

Go on the support group for the book on Facebook, you'll get loads of advice there

Borgonzola · 02/11/2024 15:11

I should say we're doing Oh Crap but only in the sense that she's naked from the waist down. A friend did it and said it was too proscriptive in terms of don't give them stickers or choc buttons or anything, and it says you can only give up once before you have to just commit, no going back? Seems bonkers to me, and some of those FB pages are full of insane zealots, but I'll have a look