3 days in and feel like I'm failing - help!

[MazingMamma]

Hey mamas and papas,

3 days into potty training 23mo DD and I'm stressed!! 20+ wees on the floor, all bar 2. One poo (morning day 1) next to potty, no BM since (she's usually 1-2/day so something is up!!) She's not once gone to sit on the potty of her own accord and now cries and screams when we say "it's time to sit on the potty now". I mostly watch her like a hawk, have caught the tail end of maybe 30% of wees in potty (without her sitting on it, no time!) I'm none the wiser as to what her cues for weeing are.

We've had 2 wees fully in the potty today, when we sat her down on it, cuddled her, held a book in front and read to her for like 10mins. She's since started kicking the potty away and screaming blue murder when I've tried that again 😬

I also feel like I'm failing DS, 6mo. Because I'm trying to watch DD every minute, I'm mostly ignoring him. He's been crying so much, it's really getting to me. And hates bottles so not like I can pack him off to grandparents.

Writing this on Tues night, DD is in nursery Thurs & Fri. They sounded really supportive, so I was thinking - grit teeth and just get through Weds. Then my husband, who's looking after her with help from my sister on Saturday while I take DS to a child-free wedding, says he won't persevere with it if it's still this bad.

Everything I've read says we should persevere, has anyone had to go backwards? Any tips for getting through and persuading DH to continue?

We tried at 22 months with very similar results. I actually don't think we got to day 3, I was so stressed (and didn't have a baby to worry about too!) and I could just see DS getting more and more distressed.

We shelved it, kept the potty around, and after another couple of months started prompting him to sit on it first thing in the morning, and before his bath. Sometimes he did something, sometimes he didn't, but we gave loads and loads of praise just for sitting on it.

Then went nappy free and no trousers at 27.5m and he got it within 3 days. Day 4 & 5 we did trousers no pants, then picked up 4000 pairs of pants the following weekend. He's been grand pretty much since.

Not saying you need to shelve it, but that was definitely the right move for us. Best of luck!

Stop. Revisit in a few months. 23 months is still young. She's clearly not ready.

Too early
unless she has shown an interest in the toilet your just training yourself ( to clean up)

I agree, she’s probably not ready. It’s a little bit tricky and stressful even when they are, but you shouldn’t be having tantrums over it (her or you!)

Agree with PP. we tried at 2years, she hated it, almost seemed frightened of it. We left it for 6months and she cracked it at 2.5years. I thought I had failed too, you really haven't.

Thanks guys. We thought she was ready as she:

• retreats behind curtain to poo
• sometimes takes her nappy off before doing a wee and/or poo (fun for cleanup, usually when I'm feeding 6mo and can't run to her in time!)
• asks for the potty on evenings / weekends after her nursery days (apparently she's v interested in another kid in there who's just moved up a room)

Are there other signs we should be looking for??

1. I'd stop, she doesn't sound ready, try again in a few months
2. It takes an average of 6 months to potty train
3. ERIC has some fantastic resources

So she probably is ready physically and language wise, but emotionally the cold turkey approach is probably too much. I have a hunch that that style of potty training is better for older toddlers, and if you start training earlier (which there are benefits, the recent trend of waiting later has possibly gone too far) then a more gradual slow approach is better. Don’t give up, but maybe try practicing potty skills first with pull ups before removing nappies completely. Have nappy free time at home when you have the chance. Make the potty part of the daily routines, get reward charts, read books about potty training (for her) and watch kid shows with potty episodes. Daniel Tiger has a nice one, Peppa Pig has a potty training episode. Also Word Party and Wonderoos.

I thought my dd was ready at that age but also had newborn twins and the midwife advised not to put myself under pressure.

So fast forward to 2 years and 10 months and dd was potty trained in 3 days so clearly more than ready.

Anyway decided that waiting it out a bit was less stressful so trained my twin dds at the same age with the same result.

Up to you of course but seems it's going to be an uphill struggle at this time.

My DC (who are now in their 30s) had to be fully trained before they started at their Montessori nursery at 2 and a half.
Started potty training with my DD just before she turned two. We cracked it in two days and she never had an accident afterwards. I congratulated myself on being an excellent mother.
Tried the same with DS at just over two and it was a disaster. He loved sitting on the potty but just didn't get it at all. After a week I concluded he was just not ready physically and put him back in nappies.
Five months later we tried again - I was pretty anxious as we had paid the first term nursery fees and they were adamant he could only go if he was fully trained. This time he was obviously ready and got it, not quite as quickly as DD but within a week, and we never looked back.
So yes, my advice would be to stop and try again in a few months.

Stop and take the pressure off. Shes still very young and if you continue and she gets stressed with it it can lead to more issues. Personally I would wait. With mine I waited until nearer three. It was much easier, one wee on the carpet then nothing else, all on the potty/toilet. It was really simple as they were ready.