HELP 3.5 year old potty training/constant bed wetting

[Wildwanderer]

Writing this exasperated after another night of ds, 3.5 wetting the bed. He’s is the size of a 5 year old and his speech is delayed which we’re getting support for.

He is in size 8 pampers, I can’t find a bigger size and it’s like all of a sudden they can’t hold the wee in anymore. Last night he wet the bed twice and he’s just had another. I’m constantly washing sheets/waterproof sheets, not to mention the broken sleep!

On advice from the speech therapist we’ve tried potty training by putting him in underwear and gradually building up the time before a nappy goes on and praising if he stays dry.

We have encouraged use of the toilet/potty for months and he will sometimes use it. He does seem to know if he needs a poo as he’ll tell us but most of the time he’s already done one and I have to change him or he sneaks off to do one. He never tells us if he needs a wee. We don’t make a big deals if he wee’s/poo’s in his nappy, we just tell him to tell us and we’ll take him to the toilet but it doesn’t help.

Only twice when out he asked for the toilet and I have taken him but he’s already been.

He doesn’t actually seem to be bothered by being wet, he wakes up as he’s a bad sleeper (always has been) and I’ll find he’s wet, or I'll check him when we’re going to bed to see if I need to do a quick change of nappy while he is in bed to avoid an accident
and find he is lying there soaking wet. He isn’t bothered by being wet in the day either.

I know having them sit with no pants on can help but not sure how practically to make this work as I’m worried he’s going to pee all over our brand new sofa/over the carpets.

I have tried other pants eg ninjamas for bed -which were useless as not absorbabt enough. And in the day have tried Huggies as they allow a little bit of absorbency so they feel wet after a wee, but as I’ve said he isn’t botheres if he is wet.

Because of his speech delay even though I encourage him and try to explain about potty training it’s like talking to a wall

Help or advice on how to support him and how to keep bed/sofa protected (other than waterproof sheets) is much appreciated

I wouldn’t even attempt to night train a 3.5 year old. Leave him in night nappies till he’s been dry for months. Perhaps you could try cloth nappies.

Are the nappies full or leaking? I found ninjamas terrible - we have a lot of night wetting issues with older children than yours (in one case, MUCH older, think double digits) - so use the Huggies overnight pull-ups. I have had issues of overnight leaking both with capacity but also fit, I think at 3.5 pampers active fit were the only things that worked for my eldest but my other two were less squirmy.

We use brolly sheets so only have to change that area of the bottom sheet (on a good day when they’re not squirmy).

They say that boys take longer to be dry through the night because it's a hormonal thing and it can't be taught - it just happens when it happens. My son was approaching 7 by the time he was fully dry through the night. I did find using pampers or Aldi own brand nappies tended to be better for keeping dry as he got older.

Night dryness can't really be taught. You need strategies to manage the wee, and wait for the hormone to kick in.

Try lifting him at 10pm ish when you go to bed and putting him on the toilet. Hopefully he will wee then, and his nappy won't become overwhelmed.

Add an absorbant layer of from cloth nappies to the pull up overnight if you need more absorbancy.

Are the nappies too big hence the leaking? I remember this from when they were babies, too big meant the liquid was getting out before hitting the absorption pad in the nappy.

I think you should treat day and night totally differently. Day time there is a focus on using the toilet and active training, whereas night is low prressue wee management.

You say he doesn't mind being wet, because nappies are so good, he may not realise he is wet. Nappies don't feel wet against the skin anymore. A layer of cloth or even pants under the pullup will help with him feeling this sensation of wetness too.

What weight is size 8 in Pampers? I found them to be "lower" than other brands, and other brands might have different absorbencies/better fit - have you tried others to see? We used to primarily use Aldi when he was younger but we now use Tesco or Sainsbury's nappy pants out of convenience. Can you also use large puppy pads/maternity pads on the bed on top of the waterproof mattress?

My son was around 3 years 2 months when we tried taking him out of nappies during the day, and he didn't have speech delay or any of the other issues that you're facing. It went absolutely fine and he was dry within 48 hours with no accidents however he's now over 5.5 and still in nappy pants at night, which are regularly full and he's very proud of it. I did some research and there's apparently a hormone which until there's enough of it in the body, the child won't wake up to realise they need to go to the toilet so you're likely fighting a losing battle. I also spoke to a lot of friends with slightly older boys and they said that their child was in nappies at night until they were in year 1 or older. I think we will try again in the new year (going through an international move right now, so clearly not the time) but I won't be worrying until he's over 7, and again, he doesn't have any sort of speech delay or other more urgent things to concentrate on.

Sre you layering up the bedding? So you have 3 layers of bottom sheets/ pads/ waterproof sheets so you just take the top layer off each time he wets? That saves a lot of time and stumbling around in the night.
Agree with pp. Concentrate on day time training first. Lift him for a wee before you go to bed.

My tall nearly 5 yo is still in night nappies. I found pampers terrible, try aldi nappies, they do a size 8 or night time nappies for age 4-8 ( I think) year old.

In terms of potty training I found the oh crap potty training book to be quite good.

Thanks everyone. Sorry I don’t think my middle of the night OP was clear.

I need help with potty training generally, and thanks for the suggestions so far will try these

At night time we are definitely not trying to train him to be dry at all. It more for tips on how to reduce the effort to change the bed and other nappies to try as these all of a sudden don’t seem to hold the wee in

Will look at layering thank you (once I’ve got the sheets cleaned/dry from the last 2 days) and might try the 7’s again. We’ve been using the 8’d for at least 6 months and it would hold the wee in but now his nappy is so fully it is just leaking out. Although last night it actually didn’t feel as full so not sure why it leaked out.

He's young for dry nights I'd say (though what do I know my 8 year old still sometimes wets the bed and my 6.5 year old is still in night pull ups 😬).

Aldi do large size pull ups designed for night that are still fine for my 6.5 year old so should be fine for you - mamia, night pants for 4-7 year olds.

For my older one who has issues we used a bedwetting alarm and will be doing the same for younger one soon as she is also obvs a bit old for not being dry overnight.

But I deffo wouldn't be thinking of anything like that for yours yet, he may well just get it in his own time. Plenty of kids still not dry overnight at his age.

The old fashioned draw sheets we used to use in hospital are good for layering. You used to be able to get waterproof ones and heavy duty fabric ones to go on top.

https://www.bestproductsreviews.co.uk/draw-sheets-for-incontinence?targetid=kwd-331787443897&matchtype=b&device=c&campaignid=21076914862&creative=692673966638&adgroupid=154774664850&feeditemid=&loc_physical_ms=9045980&loc_interest_ms=&network=g&devicemodel=&placement=&keyword=$draw%20sheets%20for%20incontinence&target=&aceid=&adposition=&trackid=uk_all_top_11_1&mId=407-132-4411&trackOld=true&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw9eO3BhBNEiwAoc0-jT9zHwUUjDiL35l5DG1h2Wu--jhKj3lzVjQhA0zv6A9Vt6AvwdTdfBoCoCUQAvD_BwE

Have you tried just reducing how much he drinks from about 2 hours before bedtime?

@HowMuchGravy
I keep an eye but haven’t been very strict with it so maybe I need to be