Slow potty training - is it a thing?

[Mamabear04]

DS is 2y2m and I've just managed to get him to do 3 pees in the potty since yesterday afternoon. He is delighted and I'd like to train him but it seems impossible to dedicate a bunch of days to it. During the week I have to drop off my older child at school by 9am and then I take DS to a few morning activities (x1 toddler class and x1 mum and toddlers). I don't really want to miss these as I had my older child during covid and we missed out on doing these things (and DS loves them). DS then has a nap 12.30-2.30pm and then I have to pick DC1 up from school and its an absolute riot until after dinner. Is it possible to gradually train DS or will I have to sacrifice a weekend? It seems impossible to do it with DC1 around because DS is so distracted and DC1 is only just turned 5 years and needs a lot of attention too. So far I've been sitting DS on the potty after lunch and before bed. Any tips or advice would be very welcome!

In my opinion you owe it to your son to bite the bullet and sacrifice a couple of days. It's a small sacrifice for a huge gain in terms of his understanding of what you are asking of him. My son potty trained at 20 months - we did two days at home and then normal groups taking the carry potty with us.

My DC1 trained at 22 months, it's not a race. I'm going at my DS pace and it's a completely different ball game when you have another child to take of IMO.

This is what i did with my son

it took the pressure off him and got to the point were potty and pants was “his” idea. Took a couple of months- had nappy pants at first- loads of praise when he used the loo or potty.

A few days would have been ideal but I went with his pace and his control was great.

Honestly it’s ok to try and say they are not quite ready yet. My eldest took the longest to be toilet trained at 2.5 but then was dry through the night straight away , DS 2 was toilet trained by 20 months but was 4 by the time we got rid of pull up pants at night. Kids are all different toilet training is also to do with hormones and development and some of them need a little longer.

There's no way you need to stay indoors for a week with a bare bummed child! Just go out as normal and take lots of a spare clothes.

It's possible to potty train a child under those circumstances if they are ready. If you start over the weekend and see how he's getting on by Monday morning - you might need to give Monday morning's activity a miss. Get him to go to the loo straight before you leave for the school run and sit him on a towel in the buggy or car seat just in case. Take him to the loo as soon as you get to the group or class. Pop him back into a nappy for his afternoon nap. Make things easier on yourself for the evenings for a week or so by doing easy cook teas and allowing a bit more TV for the older one if you need to, but really, the hard bit will be over with in a few days.

I accidentally did this with DC2, the potty was still in the bathroom for this older brother and he used to sit on it, then he’d do a wee before his bath, but still wore nappies. Eventually he decided he preferred that just decided to stop wearing nappies and barely had an accident. Much easier than the palaver I turned potty training into with my eldest.

I didn't rush mine. They were in pull ups and used the potty, toilet trainer seat and kids public toilets for about four months.
Then when I was off over Xmas and had some quiet time they moved over to pants with no problems. They were both roughly 3yrs old at that point. So much less faff than dragging a potty around with me and changing wet clothes.

It's fine to take it slow. My older toddler has been using the toilet on and off for three months. Some days not asking at all. Other days wanting to do all wees and on the toilet. Totally child led. Working well for me as I also have younger ones (who are showing an interest themselves!).

I had to do it slow with my eldest as she had an absolute breakdown about the pressure with the oh crap method and was in tears over it all. We got there eventually - even though there will still quite a few accidents during her reception year at school

I'm not quite sure why you can't just get on with your day and just pack some extra trousers and pants or use pull ups and incorporate toilet visits into your activitys. I just carried on the day with DD and as we left places popped into the loo for a 'try'. We had a foldable toilet seat that you could put over a normal one when out and about.

The pull ups are what you call "slow potty training"

Everything has a name these days

I'd like to train him but it seems impossible to dedicate a bunch of days to it.

the lies people tell themselves… it’s completely possible to do it but you don’t fancy staying home for 3 days and missing a couple of stay and plays or sensory classes 😵‍💫 that’s not a choice I’d make and it’s fine for you to decide that but let’s not pretend…

to answer your question my friends who did gradually found it much harder but IMO most of them started late which doesn’t help as they have almost 3 yo olds with more sass and “opinions”. (One started more seriously in June and accidents are still occurring…her Dd showed signs of readiness before mine like Feb? I potty trained in April.)

it’s absolutely your choice and your child will get there in the end whatever happens but I am efficient / don’t like extra work and I couldn’t be doing with that nonsense - it’s just dragging it out.

How am I supposed to stay home all day even if I did skip the classes when I have school drop off/pick up every day? I also work PT and can't just take annual leave when I like. So how am I supposed to just magic 3 glorious days of not leaving the house? I'd love to know!

Yes, oh crap worked wonders for DC1 but when I tried it with DC2 he got so stressed and I stopped. It's only been the past month he's seemed OK with the potty. I would have loved to train him early but going at his own pace is the right thing to do. They are all so different!

Can you leave it until half term / Xmas break?
I'm a lone parent so wasn't able, or willing, to stay home for a few days. It was much easier at Xmas when I was off work and had family who could pop round so I could get out in the day for some fresh air.

This seems really positive and will give it a try next week. I'll spend this week trying to get him into a routine in the house of using the potty and see if he takes to it.

You can absolutely do it slowly. We had at least 2 months of majority nappies but occasional wees/poos on the potty (usually around bath time). When he was about 2y2m I just said "right, now ALL our wees are going to go in the potty. Look at these cool pants!" and it was just a fairly natural transition

My older child can be a bit of a handful and I'm a bit worried if I leave it until the school holidays that she will be a distraction. I'm not a single parent but DH works long hours and DC1 can be very emotional and sensitive and I'm worried it would become very stressful.

I wouldn't advise it really, going between nappy and pants is very confusing and it'll take you way longer to train. If they're enthusiastic and old enough (at least 2) you can get them trained very quickly, mine were both done within 5 days.
If he's enthusiastic now and pleased he's weed on the potty I really wouldn't put him back in nappies or you might lose this chance when he's enthusiastic about it!
I would honestly take a few days off work and spend a long weekend getting it done.

My SIL has been gradually potty training my nephew since the spring, and is regretting it because now he sees the potty as optional, and will just wet himself if he doesn't fancy it. Which makes sense because he's sometimes in a nappy and sometimes not! She warned us about it and we decided to wait bite the bullet and spend a couple of days at home and DD trained in a few days at 2 yrs 7 months. Meanwhile he is still not getting it despite starting earlier. It obviously works for some people but just to add our experience.

I used to pop pull-ups over pants when we started potty training and had to do a long journey or trip. I told the boys that it was just in case we couldn't stop safely in the car but we also had lots of talks about trying before leaving and telling me with lots of notice. I also used to be aware of big brinks so could plan for a stop in about 40mins time....
They then graduated to puppy pads under sheets at nap time or in the car seat. Again just in case they fell asleep....
One trained slowly the second decides no more nappies....a week before a long haul holiday.

Our son didn't want to potty train and we had real trouble. In the end I kept the potty close by and used to let him have nothing on the bottom when we were at home. He would always go on the potty. When out we used nappies until he was 3. I then spent 4 days at home in the garden in just shorts letting him get used to that. I then introduced pants once he had got the hang of shorts. I think for us the problem was he couldn't understand the difference between pants and nappy and would just go when he had a nappy on.

Crikey, you're looking for issues and excuses. As above, two days at home will be fine to get the basics. And then for school run just put a disposable incontinence bed pad in the pram or car and off you go. Normal activities if the weekend has gone well, straight home if more work needed. And if you're part time that's even more opportunities!

I think your slow idea sounds like a bit of a faff. Just start on a Saturday, you DH can take the older one out. 2 days full attention on potty training. Then Monday you should be fine for school run etc. He'll be holding for a few hrs at that age, not peeing every 10mins. You can still do your classes, just take a fold up potty if you need to, although most baby asses round me have them and toddler seats in the loos.
Or if you DH can manage the older one, you'll just have to start on a Monday and maybe miss a couple of classes.

If he's ready he'll pick it up very quickly. Especially if he's easily influenced and wants to be like his elder sibling. Also I got my 4yo involved in my 2yo potty training. He was cheering her on with each wee and saying how clever when she pooped in the toilet.