This will sounds silly but I'm pissed off...

[rosielovesshabby]

My DS is 4.9, and guess what he still has accidents now.
Hes been on a potty training journey for 2 whole years, and while he has improved, and never poos himself these days (thank the lord) he still has issues with wees.

I think most of the time he's so engrossed in what he's doing that he can't be bothered to go to the toilet, so basically laziness. But I also blame DH and I, because after about a year of it, we were still having poo accidents, and I got really angry with him one day, thinking he should know better and I think I actually made it worse by having a massive go at him I think.

So anyway I feel like it's just a constant issue for us and has been for 2 years, I find I'm always secretly irritated with DS and I know I shouldn't be because if he could do it he would, but he's so bright and switched on in every other aspect of his life, I can't understand why he has this issue with wees!

Anyway a friend of mine has a 2.6 year old DD, she's cracked potty training in a week, and we sort of laughed together about my DS taking 2 years (at least!) but secretly in my head I'm cursing her because it's been such a drag on our lives!!

Anyone else?

Also he starts school next month.
Can anyone tell me how they deal with it at school and how we need to prepare him for it type thing?

Hopeful bump x

Children having wee accidents in Reception is not going to be unusual. Reception teachers often ask for spare pants and shorts/trousers to be in their school bag.

If he doesn't already, practice him taking off his own pants and putting dry ones on after any wee accident, so he's confident doing that on his own.

Speak to his Reception teacher and make sure he/she knows that he still has accidents, and ask them what their systems are for toilet trips and so on. Encourage him to try for a wee at every opportunity, and make sure he drinks enough water when at school. Many Reception classrooms have toilets in the classroom or right next to them, and children are allowed to go pretty much whenever they need to. But worth checking with the school.

I completely hear you.

It has had a really rubbish effect on our lives. We’re a year behind you but yes on the same train 😩

Accidents are not unusual and I really doubt it is laziness.

When you say accidents, whst exactly do yiu mean? A whole full on wee in his pants? or a dribble because he doesn't get there on time? And how often does it happen?

It's both. Most of the time it's a big dribble.
Sometimes he just full on wets himself.
The silly thing is we are always on the look out and we know when he needs a wee because he starts talking funny and sitting in a funny position, he's desperate to hold on so he doesn't have to go to the toilet and leave what he's doing. So he'd rather wet himself than take 2 mins to go to the toilet and come back.
When we ask him if he needs a wee he shouts NO! But he does know because he's obviously trying to hold on so he's lying. It's a very odd situation and I ca let quite pin point why he's so desperate not to go to the toilet. This isn't all the time either, it comes in waves.

I am so drained by it and I feel like I have nothing left in my pot in terms of 'not making a fuss'. DH and I have got to the point where we ask him why he doesn't want to go, and he'll just say stuff like "I don't know!" Or shout it at us.

I worry that he has got some kind of mental issue with it. Or he hasn't quite got to grips with the mental processing of "I need a wee so I better go to the toilet", it's like he thinks "I need a wee, ahhhh I need to hold it in!" It's like he hasn't grasped the concept of, "I need a wee so I'm going to have to go at some point so why not go now before I wet myself"

Maybe I'm thinking into it too much, he is my first DC, it's just he's such a bright lad, I can't understand what's the issue.

My DS has wet himself twice today and soiled himself once.

It is the most frustrating and exasperating thing and I am worried. He can’t really be at school and having 3 accidents a day but it’s looking like a distinct possibility

Will he go if you insist he goes, when he's clearly in need?

You could try rewarding him for doing a wee with a small sweet, chocolate buttons or similar. Just for a short while to get him used to the idea that it's ok to stop what he's doing and go to the loo.

You need to stop taking his word for it when he tells you he doesn’t need the loo when it’s obvious he does.
Insist that he goes, it’ll probably break the cycle.
At his age, you should be having him visit the loo on an hourly basis (or even half hourly?) anyway, rather than let him get to the point where he can’t hold it.

We had a similar issue with DS and it is really demoralising, so solidarity.

You haven't asked for suggestions, but just offering this in case it helps. I found getting DS to set a reminder on my phone for him to try for a wee periodically helped a bit. He was much more willing to try to go to the toilet when the phone told him to rather than me. When we asked we would just get 'NO' or 'I DONT NEED A WEE' when he was dancing around and clearly desperate. This wasn't a magic fix, but definitely helped.

He's 5 and a half now and it all seems to have clicked, though he sometimes still needs cajoling.

The ERIC website is helpful if you haven't seen that.

Good luck!

Google Interoception. He may not understand the sensation he is feeling. One of mine was like this, CONSTANTLY holding it and accidents. Shes also super intelligent so though cognitively advanced her interoception is really poor. She also struggles to interpret her bodies hunger cues. We did 2 things that helped

1. Make it explicit, "when you talk that way, and sit funny, its your body telling you you need a wee". Over multiple times hearing that it can help them recognise what the feeling is.
2. Occupational Therapist trained in Sensory Intergration.

Best of luck. Stay calm, if he could do it he would.

Back to basics, set an alarm for every hour and take him to the toilet. Don't ask, just tell him he has to because otherwise he will have wet pants.

Thanks so much everyone for your replies.
The other problem we have is he is EXTREMELY stubborn, and even if we force him to go, he won't go. He has to go either on his own accord, or he generally wets himself. It's soul destroying and I am totally wrung out with this.

I think I am going to :
1 - see how school goes, maybe it will be the flick that's switched..
2 - setting the timer every hour at weekends only!?
3 - if it still persists, just wait a few months longer
4 - if it still persists, he'll be 5 in Nov - seek some medical help!

The charity ERIC has great info on their website. It will give you strategies for home and also outlines what you can expect from school.
My ds is very similar, I don't have any solution for you but yes, it's infuriating sometimes.

I had two that were hard to train, the second one very hard. I send them at regular intervals, getting up, after breakfast, elevenses, lunch, mid afternoon, dinner, before bath, before bed. Always before we leave the house. I also explain they will have to wee. There are plenty of options, the loo, couple of potties and can free wee in the garden if they like.
If I waited until they needed to go we would still be having accidents.
it is just another thing to think about though.