Non verbal

[RedPoet]

I'm toilet training DC 2, he's 30 months, non verbal, he's been assessed as having rgw language/communication of 9-12 months..he also has toddler diarrhea.

We're on day 2, no nappies apart from sleeping.

We keep putting him on the potty every 10 minutes. He refuses to wee on the potty.

We have multiple potties dotted around the house. We're using a mix of no pants and pants so can feel wet.

When he does go he gets a chocolate button. This has only happened in the morning when we put him on the potty first thing and he's a bit sleepy so isn't rushing off.

So far no communication that he needs to go, he just goes. No effort to make it to the potty, it's like he doesn't even notice it happening. When he does wee I rush to pick him up an place him on the potty and say wee wee, and tell him to wee on the potty.

Lots of praise, encouragement, reassurance, no upset or anger if he doesn't go or if he has an accident.

With my first dc he was toilet trained for wee in the first 5 days, no nappies, no issues but he was verbal and could communicate..he was 32 months, so could it be too early for dc2?

DH wants nappies back on but I think we should persist. It's summer, he can go bare, it's warm, things can dry easier, and we have the rest of August to try and get it right. And if we stop now, we'll only be delaying the inevitable as it needs to be done.

It is bloody hard work, I'm keeping a close eye on him, he did 3 sloppy poos heater and a dozen wees.. yesterday and today looks like he is going to do the same.

I don't want to give up or give in, it's really important because he's starting school in just over 2 years and I want it well established

What's his development like overall? His language is 9-12 months, but how about his understanding? His problem-solving skills? Does he do things like build towers with blocks, find a box or chair to stand on to help him reach things, imitate you/DH/DS1 doing things? Does he use Makaton/baby signing at all?

Seeming pretty clueless still on day 2 isn't unusual, I don't think, and if other than speech, his development is pretty much on track, I'd definitely try a bit longer. On the other hand, if he's significantly delayed in other areas, if you want to keep going you might need to change your approach – it might be more 'elimination communication' (baby toileting) to start with, or maybe toileting on a schedule, rather than what we think of as typical potty training.

It s only day 2. Keep going for a week then if no progress try another time
Use makaton toilet sign when he sits each time
(Ds with asd finally got it age nine but it is worth keeping going if you can )

Potties can be very confusing - noone uses them until they suddenly magically appear and the child gets plonked on them intermittently. If a wee happens accidentally everyone is happy, but if you can't see yourself weeing, who knows what just happened..? Put the potty in the bathroom, because that's where it all happens. Don't put him on too often, it encourages dribbles rather than a proper wee. Drink, wait 20-30 mins, potty. It may be that toilet insert/step is preferable, some children dislike potties. Get dad to demo.

I’d keep going for a bit, whilst it’s hot, and you’re okay with it. If you do start getting frustrated then back off and try another time.

It being elimination communication isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Even if you go back to nappies you will be more attuned and that will help. We sort of did this at night, as I could tell he needed to wee as he’d start to wiggle (still co-sleeping at that point). It worked really nicely and naturally evolved from me doing it all to him doing bits and them him doing it all from noticing and waking up himself onwards.

Do bear in minded, though, that if it doesn’t come quickly, that it’s not your fault or his, and there may be nothing either of you could be doing that would make it work. I wish I had met my child where he was at instead of desperately trying to make him do the things he was supposed to be doing at any given age, it would have been far less stressful and I think he’d of had a better grounding in the precursors to later skills, which would have probably helped long term. Your goal is long term independent toileting, not independent toileting by a specific age.

If he is still not toilet trained when he goes to school they can’t refuse to take him or refuse to deal with it, so don’t worry about it if you have tried.

Might he have food intolerances/allergies if he has liquid poos? Potty training will be harder if he does as pooing will be urgent meaning he has little hope of getting to a potty in time.

If you have to pop a kid on the potty every 10 mins during a day they are not ready.

And yes I've toilet trained a child with development delay.

We're still doing it, we stopped the 10 minute thing, and looking for elimination communication. We managed 1 wee a poo on the potty, but I don't think he actually knows what's going on, but that's fine-well just keep going. It is difficult, but I'm just rolling with it. I'm accepting it's going to take longer, conventional methods might not work.

Thank you all for your advice x very much appreciated