Nearly 3 year old - scorns potty

[Goingpotty2]

DD, nearly 3, won’t use the potty. Or the toilet.

3 weeks ago we went nappiless, and initially got wees on the potty, but she has started holding it in to the point of delirium and then wees on the floor.

She knows that she wants to go, and she knows that we want her to use the potty, but it is difficult to get her to sit on it, and we haven’t had a wee on the potty for days.

We have done all the reward systems. Bubbles. Feet in water bath when she sits on the potty. We started with days of being naked.

Her older brother adapted pretty quickly, but she just seems so aware and resistant.

What can we do? She goes to pre-school in September, and should really be potty trained by then.

I hope someone will come along soon to tell me what to do.

I had assumed that it would be straightforward.

If I do a ‘reset’, then I don’t think we will be ready to be dry for nursery.

A bump … or I could just pee all over the Mumsnet floor in the hope that will provoke a response….

(please tell me what to do…!)

You might find some help here

https://eric.org.uk/

have you got one of those little seats for your loo and a step.

maybe try..:::Put a favourite teddy in a nappy and make a fuss of that teddy (or doll or whatever) and role play with the teddy. Don’t be too obvious about it and take the teddy to the loo and let it wee and praise the we but not too much.

Does she really need to be dry by Sept? I mean, I thought the average age was brown 2.5-3.5yrs old?
I’d say she doesn’t sound completely comfortable (ready or not) at the moment and I’d take the pressure off (holding til delirious is a bit worrying for a 2 year old…).
I am on the more relaxed side though. My son is only just starting to do wees on the toilet at 3.5. Tries many times before but he would get upset or just wee on the floor. Suddenly he’s very happy to. Not worth the stress/upset unless they’re ready imho.
You may find she just gets it quickly if the pressure is removed.
Surely pre-school would understand and help if she’s not quite there?

I will ask pre-school what they think tomorrow. Holding to the point of delirium is worrying @Zorya , I agree. Maybe we do just leave it.

I will try the Eric website, too.

Is she quite a defiant child / seeking control? That’s what this sounds like to me - mine was similar. She knows she “shouldn’t” wee in a nappy, but she knows you want her to go on the potty and she’s resisting it. Mine just used to just constantly fight.

honestly I’d back off for a while. Mine was dry and didn’t have accidents and I thought that must have meant she was ready, but emotionally I don’t think she was.

@Wentie That’s exactly what she is like. She is very clever. And quite irreverent!

I waited until the summer months, but I think her being a bit older (34 months) has made it psychologically very complicated.

She is ready in all ways—language, awareness, motor-skills, dry at night— except emotionally.

Control is clearly playing a huge part in all of it.

My DS was very anxious about using the potty and similarly would hold his wee in for hours rather than use the potty or toilet. He also freaked out when he had an accident, so our first attempt at potty training at about 3 was a disaster!

We had to build his confidence very gradually - so started out sitting on a potty trousers up watching some TV, then trousers down (but at this point not even talking about weeing!) watching some TV then building this up to doing it a couple of times a day. It was only when he seemed calm and OK to sit on the potty that we tried taking his nappies away again (about 3 years, 4 months) and fortunately this time was a success.

Still had to build his confidence very gradually going at nursery, transitioning from potty to toilet etc.

@Goingpotty2 its really tough. It sounds like she was similar to mine. I trained mine when she was about 28 months, I’m not sure that even a few months later would have made much difference. Her terrible 2s were really really tough, she was just fight fight fight and none of the “parenting tricks” worked. If one more person had asked me “do you offer her a choice?” I think I would have exploded. It’s not until you have a child like that, that you understand. It was in every part of her being to just defy and resist, no matter how it was handled. To a large extent she’s still like it at nearly 4 and is a very complicated child, altho now is open to bribes at least 🫠

with the potty training I don’t know what to suggest as it was a personality thing rather than a readiness thing and it continued well throughout her 2s and 3s. But I know for sure the more I pressured her the worse it got. In the end I sort of knew she was going to be dry, so kept a nappy off her and the potty out somewhere accessible but not in view and just completely backed off. Eg in downstairs loo, she could independently go if she decided she needed to but I just stopped asking and backed way way off. Take the pressure off as she’s fighting you. Doesn’t necessarily putting her back in nappies.

As it sounds like an emotional thing, rather than not being physically ready, could you invite some friends or cousins who are potty trained over to play and let her see that they use the potty / toilet? Maybe peer pressure will work better than coming from you?

My son was exactly the same!
You're going to need to stick right back and take away the anxiety with the potty.
I had help from the children's developmental unit and he's finally fully dry (even at night).
Follow these steps -

1. Try and get him to sit in the potty with his clothes on. Even if it's just 1 second here and there. Absolutely no pressure to have any wees on there.

1. If he has a problem wearing a nappy (can't remember if you said this or not) start getting him to wear the nappy under some underpants.

1. When he's settled sitting in the potty in his clothes try getting him to do it with his pants off etc. very slowly build this up.

1. Once he's comfy he will start doing wees.

Once he starts doing weee and understands what he's doing, just take the nappy away.

You have to totally take away your expectancy or any pressure to do a wee. I know it's hard when you feel like school is not far away, but if he is still in nappies in reception it's not the end of the world.

Like I said my son was the same. He wouldn't even be in the room with the potty. Once we got into the flow and I took the pressure off he was fine.

agree with @AppleCream peer pressure also worked well with mine - watching her friends go.