Do we have to do the bare bum method?

[WolfMother326]

Hello, looking for advice.
My almost 3 year old has used the toilet a few times (w/step stool and training seat). He seems excited to give it all a try. We're encouraging and praising him a lot.
It's the next steps I'm uncertain of. He's using pull ups. Is it ok to keep him in these for a couple weeks in between the toilet?
Nursery has encouraged us to keep him home a stretch of a few days and do the bare bum method. Other friends have also made this sound like the only option.
The problem is that I'm 31 weeks pregnant and only have a few more weeks of work. I really can't take time off right now. Feeling guilty, but wondering if other people just used pull ups at first until their child was dry more often than not and then switched to pants?

Put underpants under the pullup, that way he can still feel wet but it saves you the clean up.

You can train him.anyway that works for you both. There is no way that works for everyone.

No, pull ups confuse things as they are not uncomfortable to a child when wet (same as a nappy). You just need to go for it. I just put mine in pants/knickers when we started. There will be a few accidents but they generally pick it up quite quickly if they're ready.

You can do whatever you want. We went straight to knickers. Bare bum I'm not a fan of.

Having tried the halfway method with my first and it taking about a year to fully potty train 😭I would say you have to fully commit to getting rid of pull ups and make that clear to your DC. With my second we explained she would not be wearing nappies anymore and went straight to pants and she was trained in a weekend.
Ultimately it's confusing for them if you do a halfway approach because they think 'well I could just wee in the pull-up'. I didn't do bare bum with either, seems kind of cold and a bit mean?!

What do you do at night time? The same thing?

Ok thanks for all this advice. I can do the full on going for it method next week. Will that screw everything up, if I wait til I can take time off in about 9 days?

No, she still wears pull ups at night because it's not something you can train - it's a hormonal change in their body.
So, we were just really clear 'no more nappies in the day' and we put them all away.

At bedtime we put a pull up on when she gets her pajamas on but we do encourage her to use the toilet just before. She is having some dry nights but not ready to completely get rid of them.

My son had a week of dry nights around 4 and a half and we then knew we could get rid of nighttime pull ups.

I don't think so if you are just really clear in telling him what is going to happen and then sticking to it. I found it really hard with my first (I was also pregnant!) and I felt like I was being mean if he asked for a pull up and so I gave in but now I realise that just made it harder for him. We are teaching them something and so we have to be clear and hold that boundary (kindly) because all the back and forth was not helpful for him.

Having trained DS at just turned three and doing DD at nearly three I would say leave out bare bum and do just bottoms (I.e. just pants or just shorts/trousers)

The benefit of doing it a bit 'later' is that they can pull clothes up and down and understand what's going on.

For both I did three days at home over a weekend then they went to nursery with plenty of spare clothes and wearing crocs (learning curve with DS that shoes and socks get wet)

You could just do bare bum in the evenings only before fully committing. Thats what I did with dd (4:30-6ish) then we went for it properly after a good couple of months of that.

I just let my DC take the lead. They were in pull ups and only when they said they didn’t need them anymore did we put them to one side. I focussed more on them learning to go to bathroom themselves if they needed to use the toilet, or change a pull up. How to wipe themselves. How to use bin or flush toilet. They eventually got in the habit of knowing they’d have to go to a bathroom either way - pull up or knickers.

They always had a choice and were encouraged to try no pull ups in the day at home to build confidence. They started with knickers around the house, but pull up if going out and no guarantee of a loo- may have to hold in the wee. We got a portable potty to put in the boot and that helped them try knickers for short trips out. We always had pull ups so they could switch while out- do a quick superman type change. Usually they’d want a pull up after an accident, which is ok because accidents happen but no need to stress them afterwards. I didn’t pressure them at all. They just got better and better until no more pull ups in the day.

For night, we explained its pull ups until your wee decides to stay in while you sleep and you have no control over when. So after two weeks straight dry, we stopped pull ups at night. It meant too they were understanding of friends on sleepovers years down the road that might sleep in a pull up even though school aged.

Just do pants & if going out then pull up on top so they will still feel wet if an accident happens. DC needs to learn how to manage these & much better to do from start. Vital skill which precedes being TT ready is being able to manage dressing themselves. Other most important is being able to express the need to go to toilet, not always verbal but def need to be understood makaton/BSL,pic cards if necessary.

Really surprised nursery have suggested bare bum method cos as a childminder it's what most in childcare hare most - takes far longer to fully TT as when they come back after a week of bare bum they suddenly need to get used to negotiating pants & no we can't just leave a potty randomly in room where other babies are being cared for, never mind child protection issues around kids with no pants on around other older kids& adults.

Timing is everything. Great if DC is ready but if doesn't suit you then no harm in delaying either. My oldest DS was ready & keen to TT when I was 38week pregnant & had date for ECS. I let him use potty/toilet whenever he wanted but waited until new baby was 3 months old before going for it fully. Delaying didnt harm him & made it a little less stressful for me!

Just buy a few packs of inexpensive pants.

Being able to get pants up and down quickly is an important part of toilet training.

Childcare settings certainly can’t have toddlers without underwear. It’s unhygienic, apart from the child protection implications, so he may as well get used to managing pants.
Buy soft elasticated shorts too, not jeans or anything with fastenings.

With both of mine we just sent them off to nursery or started the day in pants. If they went through 5 pairs then a pull up was put on and we left it again a few days before starting again.

ds1 was very quick, had a couple of failed days then one day told me he’d have no more accidents and wanted pants and that was enough for him. He wasn’t quite 3 yet, maybe a month off.

ds2 a bit more difficult, hated the tight of the pants around his leg so had to buy boxers. Many many many accidents later we spent a long weekend (3pm Friday - Monday night) in the house and Cracked on with boxers and no nappies at all except for bed and all was good. He was 3 and 3 months.

We didn't do bare bum, both were utterly desperate to wear their new pants so we went straight to that.

Do you need to take time off? We just used a bank holiday weekend and then into nursery. Two days would've been fine too but we were happy to have the extra day. I don't think you need to be taking much or any time off work to get this done.

If he's really not getting it the first day I'd leave it, especially with the baby coming.

With all of my children they have cracked it within a day. Just spend next Saturday without any clothes on the bottom half and whilst there might be some accidents once back at nursery or when a distance from a toilet, they will understand and know what’s expected. Toilet training doesn’t need to be a long, drawn out process.

Would you recommend using potty training underwear? The one that doesn't leak but the child can feel that it's wet? Not sure if I should buy them or whether it's confusing.

Jeez, the thought of wearing underpants as well as pull ups. Definitely a no! I mean, I live in Scotland and the summer has been a bit mixed but it's a bit hot just now!!

Why don't you just leave it until you are on mat leave

No right or wrong way as each child is different.

We did bare bum for 2 days then pants and used pull ups on long journeys and outings and night time. It took us a loooooooong time, over 5months to be dry all day. And night time we are still working on.
All the best.

We did a lot of talking about it before we started. Then just went for pants. I did it over a few days where we didn't have to go anywhere. I just set a timer and popped her on the toilet every 45 minutes or so and gradually extended this. Took a couple of days and she nailed it. Just make it super exciting...let them pick out their own pants so they are happy to wear them

Just pop him in pants, in between doesn't really work.

We used pants (but you need way more than you think!!)
But both mine were in pull ups at night til they were 6 or 7.

Ok, could use some support. We're on day 2. Day 1 was good, he was either bare bummed or in pants, did lots of wees and poos on the potty or toilet. Today has been the opposite, pretty much peeing on the floor all day even right after sitting for quite a while trying. Is it pretty normal?

Yes, both of mine did this. You'll probably find tomorrow it clicks.

Lots and lots of praise for any tiny drop in the loo today.

Yesterday was exciting and new, today it's less interesting and he needs to figure out what happens if he doesn't make it.

@CelesteCunningham thanks, that's so helpful