Child can wee/poo on toilet but insists on a nappy - WWYD?

[BertieBotts]

DS3 so you'd think I'd be a pro at this but sadly not. TBH the other two weren't easy to train either. He is 2y 10m.

Summary: Happy to do wees and poos on toilet, but absolutely refuses to entertain any notion of wearing any combination of: Pants, trousers, naked, basically any time there is no nappy, he is very upset. How to approach this?

I think that we mucked things up - basically at Easter, I wanted to go for it with potty training, so we had a full day where he was nappyless and pantless and we had no accidents at all, caught about 4 wees on the potty and even a poo. I was amazed because neither of my older two were "this easy" to potty train.

However on day 2, he was less keen and wanted a nappy on. I decided that I needed to stay firm and stick to the plan, so I said no. He basically sat on the potty for half the day and refused to get off it to play etc. I couldn't coax him/distract him at all. By the second half of the day he was getting really upset, trying to climb up to the changing table where the nappies are, crying "Yes nappy on, yes nappy on" and not engaging with any other activity at all. I felt like this was quite extreme so I said OK, clearly not the right time, and put a nappy back on him. He then proceeded to come down with a cold, so I thought ah OK that explains it, he wasn't feeling very well.

However, since then, he's also been really upset about ever being naked or having no nappy on. He now completely refuses to wear pants, even on top of a nappy.

He is happy to be naked for a bath, so we tend to use that to prompt him to try for a wee/poo often with success. Lots of praise, and he's keen.

Likewise, he'll usually go for a "bedtime wee" when getting changed ready for bed, and sometimes he'll go for a "morning wee" when getting dressed in the morning.

He has done wees/one poo at nursery on their toilet. So they are really keen for us to push training. However, if we try to leave him naked or bottomless or put pants/trousers on him with no nappy, he protests so much, taking the trousers/pants off, pointing to the nappies, curling up in a ball and holding his privates crying that he needs a nappy on.

He is getting a bit happier e.g. to run around naked after a bath. So I feel like that's good and the no-pressure approach is helpful. Also DS2 (5) is quite happy/keen to encourage communal nudity However, very much not happy if I suggest nudity or pants or no nappy or no pants but trousers etc at any other time of the day.

I have tried - pants on over a nappy, to get him more used to/comfortable with the idea, but he says no to that too.

Paw patrol pants - he liked them but refused to wear them.

But OTOH I keep coming across stuff randomly like I saw one of those Nursery Nurse reels where they are annoyed that the parent has gone back and forth on potty training, and I feel like we are being those parents. Help! What should we do?

Could it be he’s worried about having an accident? Do you need to reassure him that it’s not a big deal if he does? He might have picked up some minor comment and blown it all out of proportion.

Has he responded to the idea that nappies are for babies and he’s a big boy now? Can you link it to other things that big boys do but babies don’t? Playing with particular toys or tv programmes or even some foods? But do it in a positive way eg. Big boys eat with a spoon like he does, whereas babies have to be fed by someone else; babies can’t build a Lego tower like you can.

I would be tempted to park it for now. Keep up the morning and bedtime wees but everytime you change his nappy say, "oh dear, next time weewee goes in the potty" or something. Just try to reinforce the idea gradually. Sounds like he's just going to dig his heels in around not having a nappy on.

I would let him wear pull ups, the huggies daytime ones where they can feel some wet, and carry on with the potty training- taking him regularly, lots of praise when he uses the loo, oh dear when he has an accident. Keep the paw patrol pants somewhere prominent in his room and ask him every morning- pull up or pants. Hopefully he’ll come round in his own time and decide pants. If he gets to 3+ and he’s still in the pull ups then maybe rethink but hopefully he just needs a boost of confidence that he can do it.

He does have pull ups usually but they aren't the kind that let them feel wet, they are just the kind which are like normal nappies but can be pulled up/down like pants.

I'm actually abroad and not sure if they sell the wet-feeling ones here - I will have a look.

I think he is a bit afraid that he will have an accident but it doesn't seem to matter how much we reassure him, he seems to have the same worry.

I haven't tried the baby/big boy thing - I feel like it's a bit shaming? Maybe I'm overthinking it.

With the baby/big boy thing I would go with really emphasising all the things he does do now because he is a big boy rather than mentioning things that he does that are babyish, which could be shaming. One of the best ways I got my kids to try new foods was to explicitly say that they were only for big boys. Maybe if you see a baby you could have a bit of a giggle about some of the silly things it does that he doesn't do because it is a baby and he is a big boy.

I'd also pull back a bit on the reassuring him about accidents as you might be making him think that they are actually a big deal because you keep going on about it. You just have to be really matter of fact about it if he does have an accident.

Edited to add: I do realise I said in a pp to reassure him that accidents don't matter! I suppose it is finding the balance between reassuring and making it seem like an important thing.

Well we would be matter of fact if he did, but so far he hasn't had any. I think he would actually be fine if he did have pants on but he just needs to get over that mental block.

Anyway spoke to nursery today and they have been getting him to go to the toilet there and his nappy was nearly dry when we got home. So if we can keep that up, then that's not bad - I can point out the dry nappy and say look, you don't need this any more.

I’m sure he will get there in the end, but I know it’s frustrating!

My first was like that, he was so stubborn and it was such a fight I left him to it with the very occasional "do you want to wear pants today?" He ended up trained at nursery but wore nappies at home until 3.5 and did poo in a nappy until 4. At those ages he decided himself to finally use the toilet at home and wear pants at home. Meanwhile my youngest is training easily at less than 2.5, so it wasn't something I did wrong, it's just that all children are different (and some are very stubborn!).

My boy was like this...he used to run and bring me a nappy up till around 2 even though he was dry day & night if he needed a poo until one day there was none left...he panicked and rushed to the potty and that was it 😭