3 year old won’t poo

[Corilee2806]

Having a nightmare trying to potty train 3 year old DS! This is our third attempt, on day 5. He is getting the hang of wees but having real issues with poos as we have done the last few times (and what made us give up and go back to nappies each time)

he hasn’t done a poo now for 5 days and is in a lot of discomfort holding onto it. We’ve tried everything- books, Poo goes to Poo Land, blowing bubbles, but he seems to have the fear and isn’t able to let it go. He hasn’t great at eating fruit/veg and won’t have fruit juice so struggling to get things into him that might help him go.

We’ve tried offering a nappy for him to poo in but he still wont. Before this happened with both poos and wees so maybe we’re 50% there if he is now happy to wee on the potty/toilet but don’t know where to go from here?!

I’ve called the GP as thinking he needs movicol to get things moving - am I right in thinking it’s prescription only? Not sure when I’ll get a call back though.

Really desperate, it’s making him so distressed and he was even sick in the bath last night presumably from the discomfort! Have looked at ERIC website but not sure where to start?

Could you freeze the movecol in a lolly moluld so it's an ice lolly not medicine?
I did this for all my lads meds when he was little. Also have a trip to the zoo and visit the elephants and poo spot their dung is huge and happens often so an easy game. I think we did a bit of a poo trail game to tick off a kind of hunt the shite game to get the conversation going and show how easy poo departs

How much movicol is he having? Lactulose just gives some of them (and me..) trapped wind. My daughter has been prescribed movicol since 9 months, she's 2 now. It's a tough balance, because 1 sachet a day sees 1 poop a week, but 2 sachets a day sees about 8 poops a day (including floors, baths, beds...). We're still fine tuning it, she withholds - there is nothing wrong with the texture so I'm not sure why.

We did use glycerine suppositories occasionally when it got really bad, but now dd fights it, and I'm not going to restrain her to do that while the movicol works.

Apples and bananas are great, not sure why someone said otherwise.

Exercise wise I try and get him out and about daily although this is tricky at the moment as he just doesn’t want to do much - hopefully we can do lots of swimming on holiday to help things move!

I’m more concerned about the psychological aspect of what’s going on and how to convince him that it’s ok to go for a poo and nothing to be scared of, but even mentioning it causes rage! I wish I understood why he felt like this, he was happily pooing daily in a nappy until the beginning of this month. I don’t think there is a physiological reason for the constipation if that makes sense - but I guess the treatment is still the same.

he loves the idea of lollies then I make them and give it to him and he has one lick and that’s it!

This sounds very much like my son at the same age we suspected but it was picked up and the meeting called on day four of his first week of mornings at school.
He's 14 now and the issues I then found so overwhelming have now morphed into new ones puberty & diet being the most but over time we have learned to kind of just manage and adapt. I used to worry constantly and obviously we make lots of allowances and changes to our life to accommodate him but it's ok.

Vinted was a god send no more new stiff scratchy clothes for us now we buy good condition pre owned (well washed)

Ps school will hopefully be your biggest Allies utilise all of their support if you can x

I don't know if you've found this yet but this was our turning point.
So much helpful advice on how to transition now and next and how to make social stories also the difference in the wording of how you make a request can change the outcome so much.
I cried most morning's getting him ready for school baby for nursery and me for work and this plus adhd meds really changed things around for us.
There were still days we struggled obviously but not living up to anyone else's standards helped us packet of crops and a banana for breakfast is better then going to school full of rage and hungry, don't wanna brush your teeth today mouthwash will work and we can do it afterschool honestly that kid went to school with pj pants on underneath his trousers for months 🤣 itl come good 👍

barnardos-parenting.org.uk/

The apples and bananas came from the book "it hurts when I poop".
So they might be ok in a normal scenario or maybe especially if skin is on but there are definitely better fruits to eat: kiwi is a magical fruit! Pears too.
If your son won't eat a dried prune (I'm lucky my son eats them up really well - we call them jammy prunes) you could plop some in a bowl of water for them to rehydrate and then blitz. There will be more prune and water in that than a pouch however we do use those pouches too.

Raisins are great!

Also as a pp has said, we took used glycerin suppositories (I set a limit of no more than 7 days of no pooping before we would use them as they are not nice for the children but needs must!) the longer poo stays in, the more the bowel is stretched.

Thank you. He is starting school in August and I am so worried about him. I do wonder how he will get on.
Vinted is my go to place!
Re. The witholding I made it my whole world and then someone on MN private messaged me to say the best thing they did was to ignore everything, not talk about it at all and actually, when I did that, it started to get better.
And we have blips after periods of illness and stuff and yes it's a faff with the medicine, but I have learned not to fret too much about it. If we go on holiday we take his toilet seat with us so he's comfortable and it's like home away from home.
With child 2 we don't worry half as much!!

We’re trying some of these already as I’m starting to realise we do need to use some strategies- visual timetables sometimes help, sometimes get completely rejected, and just learning about social stories so going to give those a try! Have to master the way we word requests, I know we need to stop presenting him with demands but it takes practice especially when stressed and rushing out of the door! Standards are low - this week when we’ve needed to achieve breakfast, dressing, medicine and tooth brushing before leaving, I’d say most mornings only 2 of those have been achieved!

It’s a different way of parenting and I’m just realising this could be a more long term thing, but time will tell. Preschool in September so that will be revealing I think…

DS's problem is medical not withholding, but it still takes over everything, bowel problems are a horrible thing to deal with!

If you don't get anywhere with the GP, you can buy adult Movicol / Laxido over the counter. The kids ones are exactly the same stuff, there is just half the amount in a kids than an adults sachet. It's definitely worth throwing medication at the problem at this stage, being backed up damaged to bowel and if you reach that stage it takes ages and aged to fix.

I suspect the GP would be reluctant add a stimulant at this stage as that seems to be something they are very reluctant to. If you are on the Movicol Facebook group I'm guessing you're aware that most people with with holders find stimulants more effective, so it might be worth trying and asking anyway...

This is helpful, thank you! Will try some prunes and pouches and see how we get on. I think making it exciting and calling it magic is what’s needed! We have suppositories ready to go, nearly used one when we got to 7 days the other week and planning to if needed tomorrow. Needs must but like you say it’s not pleasant so can hardly help with the fear aspect!

I actually think my son became more amenable to sitting time on the toilet due to the fact he didn't want a suppository!

Poor soul. It's so horrible for them.

You'll be amazed at what you come up with to get them to sit and poop...

As pp says the stimulants are effective. That's why we don't even use laxido now. We also give the medicine in the morning (most give it at night so they sleep through Tummy cramps) but for us the timings just aren't right and he wants to do his poo in the evening which means the Pico needs to be given before he goes to nursery.
If you have time for pooping time in the morning, then just give the dose at night before bed.

Yes have been reading a bit about stimulants being more effective for with holders and wondered what the downsides are - is it mainly the cramps? So much info and knowledge on the FB group, have to say it’s a bit overwhelming! Still figuring out where we are and what’s best and as we haven’t even had a decent appointment with a GP it’s hard to know what the starting point is. Agree lactulose is pretty useless aside from maybe making the poo a bit softer!

Agree that not talking about it is a good idea, that reduces the demand. However it’s hard not to as on the worst days he runs up to us every few minutes saying ‘help me!’ and ‘change my nappy’ and then we try and explain what he needs to do. Maybe we just need to distract instead.

I think long term use is frowned upon but I don't think the long term side effects would be worse than long term bowel damage/old poo sitting in the bowl etc.
Anytime we get to a point we think we can maybe reduce the dose, ds gets ill and that's when everything is out the window again. Really hoping we can slowly start to reduce meds soon but I'm so conscious of the fact as soon as there's any sign of a firmer poo he will go back to witholding.

You will just have to say "I will take you to do sitting time, let's just see what happens" and then distract him whilst he's there with anything at all!
My son used to wrap my head up in toilet paper so I'd look like a mummy. I also started to realise he did a poo every time my head was wrapped so it was clear to me he didn't want me to be looking at him when he did it. So I started putting him on the toilet and then Just pottering around. Running the taps, doing my hair, brushing teeth etc- that distracts them too.
I bought the squishy poo toys from the Eric website and let him play with him whilst he was ok the toilet. I explained how poops come out of his bum.

And lastly - reverse psychology has started to work. Ds will be sitting there saying he doesn't need a poo. I will say "well just sit there a little while longer, I'm off to look out your jammies and whilst I'm away definitely do NOT do a poo.
And I can see the grin coming over his face. Christ I am barely out the door and I hear the splats going on!

We had a constipated DS and he managed to push out his rectum one year and then it happened again a year later. Summers and being outside were a contributing factor both times as he was constipated and dehydrated. Watch that as the weather heats up.

We do a movocol once a day, most days, and got him into prunes which we call poo poo snacks. I try to encourage poo every 1-2 days now.

I really feel for you OP. Dd was like this and just wouldn’t go because it hurt. We’ve had times when we’ve ended up in A&E because she hadn’t been for weeks and was crying in pain. She had movicol every day for years! We just had it on a repeat prescription. She’s always been prone to constipation (even as a baby) and there have been times when we’ve had to resort to enemas to help her go. She’s 8 now and things are better. She still gets constipated but she knows when she gets the urge she absolutely must go. If she holds it she won’t be able to go for the next week. It took a really long time to get to where we are now though. It really affects her mood too, she’s so grumpy when she’s constipated. If she goes 2-3 times a week things tend to be ok.

Are you able to see a paediatrician who has experience with gastro issues? The one we saw was incredibly helpful. He checked it wasn’t anything more serious and explained about bowl stretching etc. Movicol was recommended because it doesn’t stimulate the bowl so is better for long term use.

I was also told that kids movicol is just half a sachet of the adult stuff. If you’re on holiday soon and it’s out of the UK, could you see if it’s available there and you could give it a go and see how it works?

Theres lots of useful tips in this thread, hopefully you’ll find some that work! It takes over everything when they’re so distressed!

Yes there’s some amazing advice on here, thanks so much everyone.

good tip about the movicol paediatric/adult dose - will do that if we don’t get anywhere with GP before we go away.

and yes we can find a paediatrician privately if we need more help further down the line - it would be good to rule out any other issues.

hopefully we’ll get there, solidarity to all of you who have been through this or still are!

also does anyone know if you can mix the movicol into porridge? That or milk and cereal is about the only wet thing he’ll have. But then it would be really watery?!

@CCorilee2806 we always mixed the movicol into milk for our DS. He hardly drinks anything tbh which is clearly why he had constipation in the first place, and even then he often wouldn't get full doses but it was the best we could do. The paediatrician told us this was fine to do.