3 year old won’t poo

[Corilee2806]

Having a nightmare trying to potty train 3 year old DS! This is our third attempt, on day 5. He is getting the hang of wees but having real issues with poos as we have done the last few times (and what made us give up and go back to nappies each time)

he hasn’t done a poo now for 5 days and is in a lot of discomfort holding onto it. We’ve tried everything- books, Poo goes to Poo Land, blowing bubbles, but he seems to have the fear and isn’t able to let it go. He hasn’t great at eating fruit/veg and won’t have fruit juice so struggling to get things into him that might help him go.

We’ve tried offering a nappy for him to poo in but he still wont. Before this happened with both poos and wees so maybe we’re 50% there if he is now happy to wee on the potty/toilet but don’t know where to go from here?!

I’ve called the GP as thinking he needs movicol to get things moving - am I right in thinking it’s prescription only? Not sure when I’ll get a call back though.

Really desperate, it’s making him so distressed and he was even sick in the bath last night presumably from the discomfort! Have looked at ERIC website but not sure where to start?

Can anyone help? We were prescribed lactulose on weds but he’s still holding in poo and was sick again last night and won’t eat, I’m so worried and can’t believe all this has come from potty training. I’m guessing we need something stronger to try and clear him out? I called 111 last night but no call back yet.

Lactulose is pretty useless. Probably needs laxido/ movicol. Have a look on the Eric website. Www.eric.org.uk

Will he eat rolled oats in some form? My DD was having similar trouble. She wouldn’t eat enough fruit or veg to make a difference but as soon as I made her baked oats (I used a recipe with chocolate chips) she started pooing regularly again.

Vomited twice on separate days. Poor mite is really backed up. I would phone your gp surgery and insist on being seen today

Yes it’s a weird pattern - gets more and more uncomfortable as it gets closer to dinner as he needs to poo but won’t go, then won’t eat much as he clearly doesn’t have room. Then gets in the bath and throws up everywhere.

have managed to get an appointment so hopefully we’ll get the movicol, no idea how I’ll get it in him though as he hates any flavoured drinks!

Doctor couldn’t have been less interested and just said we hadn’t tried for long enough on the lactulose yet and to give it time, said he seemed well in himself and not concerned about the vomiting. Gave me a nice bit of judgment about why we’ve not successfully potty trained yet too, so an all round great experience!

How are things now OP?
My DD was the same when we potty trained her, holding in poo. It seemed to frighten her some how....we did get the movicol from the GP in the end, and put this in strawberry milk to get her to drink it (needs must at the time!).

Looking back I think what worked for us was 'normalising' poo. We spoke about it a lot, she would come into the toilet with me when I went, Poo goes to Pooland app, lots of books about poo (Poo in the Zoo is still a firm favourite!). Watching Bingo from Bluey on YouTube singing "one man went to mow " on the toilet gave us something to sing ourselves when she was on the potty to encourage her to sit there a while longer than normal!

As grim as it sounds, when she had done a poo in the potty, we got a big stick from the garden and poked it , just to show it was soft and nothing to be afraid of. Or squashing it in a nappy bag.

I also used to notice when she wanted a poo how she would hold it in, sit/lay in a certain position, so I used to put music on for us to dance around the room to or go out for a walk..the movement usually got her to a point of no return (to put it politely!) and so the poo would inevitably come out - usually ended up being a quick walk back to the toilet!!

Eric (the website) is also very very useful.

These things worked for us, but of course all children are different.

We have the same problem with our 2.5 year old, it’s so frustrating! He’s always had constipation issues and was on movicol for a year on the advice of a paediatrician. We stopped it as he was getting better but have had to start on it again as he’s now potty training and holding it in. The paediatrician said movicol is fine for long term use so we give him 2 sachets of the tasteless flavour in his bottle before bed. It’s helped him get moving so he can’t hold it in as much and works pretty quickly. We live outside of the UK and it’s not prescription, but I’d check Boots they will be able to tell you.

In the UK it's prescription for children.

Thanks for all the tips! I think we have got through the worst of it and he’s done a normal poo now, took almost 2 weeks though and he still wasn’t happy about it! We now need some time for him to reset and forget about the anxiety of potty training. Not sure how we’re going to do it next time as clearly we need a different approach! Feeling the pressure to have him accident free for September when we need after school club but have a feeling we might miss that deadline…

Still struggling here! Tearing my hair out a bit as we’re stuck in a cycle and not getting any help. We’ve kept up lactulose and laxido (which we had left over, GP wouldn’t prescribe) but he’s still going 5-7 days between poos. As the days go on he gets increasingly uncomfortable and his behaviour is so hard to manage and it dominates our days! He just seems so confused by it all - he just runs around saying ‘change my nappy’ even though he hasn’t done anything, it’s like he’s been broken by the process of trying to toilet train. We’ve tried books, toilet time with screens, poo land etc, talking about it, making it funny etc but he just seems so anxious and angry.

have an appointment at the GP on Tues which was actually to talk about the concerns we have, more broadly about his development of which this is just one factor. But I’m thinking I’ll just use it to try and get a proper prescription and find out if we need to do disimpaction, surely we must do by this point!

Sorry to tell you this but you're in this for the long haul now. My son has been like this for 3 maybe 4 years.
Once they have a fear of pooing it takes a long time to get over so you need to keep your son on laxatives.

Do not let your frustration show. In fact, don't talk about it.
We bought books, we do "sitting time" 20 mins after his nighttime meal. He has to sit for ten mins and usually I try to distract with playing games and stuff. If he does all his time but no poo, we just say we will try again tomorrow and finally we are getting to a place where he will say he is just off to the toilet on his own. I will ask him if he wants me to stay or wait outside the bathroom and he will tell me what he would like that day. It's about giving them control.

Medicine-wise we stopped using the stupid laxuido stuff. We now buy picosulphate (it's adult only but it's fine!) we do 4ml of that and 1ml of lactulose. That ensure a poo at least 3 times a week although now we are more like 4-5 times a week. Previously it was once every 2-3 weeks.
It's hell on earth.

Basically he is scared it's going to hurt.

Make sure he drinks plenty fluids.
We give our son watermelon, cucumber, ice poles, jelly. Just whatever to ensure it's Gona stay soft.
If we miss a day of laxative our son will try a poo and not do it saying It feels "crusty".
Finding the correct dosage and fluid intake is key here.

It’s ok, in my heart I know this is likely to be the case based on what I’ve read and heard from others! well it’s not ok - I have no idea how we’re going to manage but somehow we will, I just want to help him.

do you mind me asking if you have any other concerns with your son? This is part of a wider pattern for us and it makes sense that he is being like this around toilet training, I think I always knew it would happen.

Op we are in the same boat but our little girl is four. Wees just fine in the toilet but will not poo! She gets unbelievably distressed aswell at the idea of doing it in the toilet rather than a pull up. We have tried all the things you have tried too and are at the gp this week to try get some support as I’m at a loss now!

I do wonder if my son is on some kind of spectrum. On the whole he would pass as "normal" whereas me knowing him, he is a very clever wee boy....almost too clever iykwim?
Ages 1-3 he was very particular about what clothes he wore. Maybe is even now to an extent. I went to the ends of the earth to find clothes he would wear. No labels, no seams, certain feel to them etc etc.
He also hates muck/mess. A crumb on his table is awful to him. Having sticky hands needs to be rectified straight away. He doesn't like food touching each other.
He is very shy in new situations.
Gets very emotional and upset if something "unjust" happens to him

Not sure if you can relate to any of that!

We have a low key non negotiable poo time after breakfast every morning, its low key no stress around it, just putting kindle on for watching shows and sitting on the toilet while we get ready ourselves. Making it just part of the day routine, helped us soo much. It is non negotiable and normalised.

In the same boat OP but a year and a half on from you. Our first GP prescribed laxido and then declined to prescribe any more but said to manage via diet. Well, his diet is very poor (which obviously I explained at the time) but he is so turned off food that I can’t really make any headway there.

So it recently got to the point where it was 5-7 days between poos, and they were enormous, hurting him and continuing this whole cycle. So I went back to a different GP and outlined that I was still concerned and they have taken it much more seriously and put a plan together to get to a point where he is pooing at least every 48 hours.

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy some of that definitely does! For my son it isn’t about the sensory aspects of clothes but he can be extremely controlling when it comes to getting dressed and insisting on certain things, often refusing to dress all together. Other things around routines, transitions etc! Not really sure what’s going on in his little head and just want to help him, I’m sure we’ll understand more as he gets older.

with the toilet time - if they do have the major anxiety or fear, in time does this gradually become effective or is it just a case of luck sometimes?!

@sosolonglondon (love the username btw!) thanks for this - it seems so luck of the draw with GPs. The last one I saw was awful, came across very judgmental and basically said what am I doing about it and I need to improve his diet - also have problems here too, he won’t touch veg or much fruit. I know it’s an issue but not something you can fix magically! Really hope we can find one that will give us a plan like you say, and try and break this awful cycle. It’s just taking over our lives and making everyone sad. I had no idea people dealt with this so long term, massive sympathies to people who have been!

Yup, routines and transitions!

Re. The sitting time he absolutely hated to go initially but we made it a non negotiable just like a pp. My husband actually took the lead with it and invented a game to make my son laugh (poor DH gets pushed off the step to make ds laugh).
At the start, when he did poo, we did give treats (small toys from the factory shop or a sweet treat) but I had to reign that in recently as it was getting out of hand! But as I say, he is getting better so he's not always looking for anything now I more give praise and a high five. There's no more protests for the toilet, he sits just fine and usually does poo now (he also takes himself to the toilet sometimes). We do still play games and stuff to take his mind off it. Once he relaxes it all just comes.
It's crazy how it becomes your whole world. You worry about it so much.

Im so surprised to read these GPs who won't prescribe movicol for young children with constipation! My DS was on it most of the time from being around 9 months old to about 2 yrs 3 months old! All the GPs and the paediatrician he saw were very 'pro-Movicol' and reiterated that it won't do any harm, the body can't 'get used to it' in any way and that the priority is to have healthy bowels and no distress related to them. I'd make another GP appointment and ask to see a GP with a special interest in paediatrics, as some are sadly rubbish with anything to do with kids tbh.

Would your DS eat dates or prunes? Or Naked bars made of dates? My kids both love dates and date-based bars. Or prune or pear pouches like the Ella's ones? We call the pouches 'magic poo potions' and with DC1 if she was a bit backed up she would often do a poo soon after having one, which was clearly mostly psychological! But I do understand it's a total different kettle of fish when it's a longstanding issue like it was with my DS. He's 2.5 now and we haven't started trying to potty train yet for various reasons whereas DC1 was trained pretty easily at 26 months old.

Porridge is a good thing to have. If my son didn't eat dinner the default I go to is porridge with honey and that is good for pooping.

Avoid eggs, bananas and apples....Only allow them on moderation/one off occasions

Would he eat dried fruit? Dried apricots and dates are great for keeping things soft and moving along! Or maybe pureed fruit, mixed in yoghurt? Ellas kitchen do a prune pouch. Steamed pears are good too - would he eat that with custard or ice cream or something if not by itself?

Does he get lots of physical exercise? Regular swimming sessions may help.

If he gets really backed up and ill with it you could try glycerine suppositories? Not something you want to have to resort to, but better than being sick and refusing to eat.

Argh - apples aren’t good?! That’s the only fruit he eats really! I also thought over ripe bananas were ok, I make those in pancakes? He eats raisins but that’s about the only dried fruit sadly. It’s been a long time since I got him to have a fruit pouch but could try those again!

luckily he likes porridge and I knew that was good so that’s a go to. He’s been asking for dippy eggs a lot lately, must hold off on those.

based on my experience of the movicol mummies group on FB it does seem pretty standard to prescribe it so maybe I was just unlucky! I’ve got the advice from ERIC so hoping I can quote that at the GP and get the prescription. Also off on holiday in a week and quite terrified of how it’s going to go, and certainly want a stock of laxido or whatever in the suitcase!