Help- wee withholding/pain?

[cinnamonbiscuit]

Hello! We are on day 4 of no nappies at home for our 3 yr 3 month old. She's been doing really well, several wees and one poo on the potty, with a couple of accidents but she seems really aware of the potty and getting herself there on time etc. We've been doing stickers which she loves.

We've hit a bit of a stumbling block yesterday evening and today, yesterday we went out briefly to the supermarket (1 hour or so) and tried her with pants. She held in her wee for 6+ hours in the end, we reminded her every hour but she kept saying no. Eventually before bedtime she became upset and sat on the potty, but only small drops of wee came out and she said 'it hurts' so ultimately we put her nappy on for bedtime and she did a wee in that.

Today, she did a successful wee in the potty first thing, but is now withholding again since then and saying it hurts and getting really distressed on the potty. We're trying not to put pressure on her to go as aware this will probably make things worse, but also feel it will hurt more and more the longer she holds it in!

Any ideas how to approach this? I'm not sure exactly what is hurting, she doesn't have the vocab to explain. I'm guessing it's maybe a full bladder and her not knowing how to release it, but also worried that it might be hurting for any number of other reasons.

Any tips/experiences very welcome!

It sounds like the trip yesterday has knocked her confidence. She maybe wasn't ready to be out the house yet in pants and holding it has put a negative spin on potty training. You might have to give it a break and try again in a couple of weeks. She can't be holding in her pee for 6hrs it's like she's remembered how to hold and forgotten how to go

I think her confidence needs to be built back up before trying again soon

@twoandcooplease to be honest I thought this was the case, but the withholding started before we went out, I really don't think it was a consequence of that. She had asked for pants at home previously and seemed to prefer that to wearing nothing.

Think I will phone the health visitor tomorrow for advice and potentially pause for a few weeks. I don't want her to end up distressed or ill. So stressful!

I'm in the same boat with my 3 year old. We didn't make it as far as you only managed a day or 2 but she was holding in her pee all day and then said it was hurting, I am just going to try again in a month or so.

It is very stressful and you have my solidarity!

@Conniethecatapillar sorry to hear that but glad it's not just me! We've had a slightly better day today, two mostly calm wees on the potty and one accident, I think she said it hurt before she had the accident. I'm convinced it doesn't hurt beyond maybe slightly irritated skin and a full bladder, I think she just doesn't know how to articulate what it feels like.

I've tried to put almost zero pressure on her today, have just reminded her about the potty a couple of times. Her nappy this morning was bone dry as well so something has obviously clicked in her brain.

I've left a message for the HV but no response yet. Basically going to describe what's happening and ask if they think we should continue or wait a couple of months. Just want to do it at a time when it will cause her the least distress, I'm not worried about accidents or how long it takes really!

I hope you have more success next time- it is so stressful!

It sounds like she is ready especially if she is dry at night too! I wish you luck as well. I never thought to ring the HV so do let me know what they say if you get through. My eldest was so easy and I wish my youngest was the same but I guess they all do things at their own pace!

I could have written this op myself. Started potty training with my just 3 year old after feeling pressure from my mum! Am regretting now as I think dd isn’t ready. Had one day of lots of accidents and now 2 days of withholding wees for 6-7 hours. Last night she finally had a wee in the bath. I think she’s frightened of accidents because she got her socks wet etc. it’s confusing whether to stop because clearly they have the bladder control! But I am worried about potential UTI developing with holding for so long.
interested too @cinnamonbiscuit to know what the heath visitor said? How is your little one getting on? Xx

@Banjocactus yes this is exactly what I was worried about!

We have actually shelved it for the time being- we spoke to HV and she said that while they don't usually recommend reintroducing nappies as it's confusing for them, she thought it would be good to give her a few weeks to forget about whatever was making her so scared to let the wee out and to get her weeing normally again.

We're also going abroad for a week next Tuesday and we didn't want to risk UTIs in another country. So we are going to try again when we get back week after next. A friend of mine was toilet training her son in the same week, and he developed this same refusal to let the wee out- she stuck it out and after a few days of stress he got over it and is doing pretty well now.

I think when I try again I'm going to try putting a potty out in the hallway- I've got a feeling she may not want to go in front of us but doesn't know how to say!

I hope things improve for you soon- it is honestly so stressful when they need to go but just won't!!! Let me know if you try anything different that works!

@cinnamonbiscuit sounds like a good plan, especially with a holiday in the mix!. It’s reassuring to get that response from a hv isn’t it. I think we can be so influenced by outside pressures!
I have decided to go back to nappies and try again in a month or two. Sigh. A little disappointing but feels right.
This May be of interest, I was chatting to a friend with an older daughter. Her first potty training attempt her dd did the same, holding on for hours. She shelved it for a few months and tried again with success. Deduced that little one just wasn’t ready xx

Just an update- we have started training again this week, the first day she ignored the potty completely and just let it out on the floor. Day 2 she decided to do a wee in the potty and since then zero accidents, we're on day 4 now!

Feeling much more positive about it this time, I know there's a long way to go but we've had no withholding so far, not sure if it's because I've been deliberately not making too much of a big deal out of any of it. She's also happily sitting on the toilet now, no wees in there yet but last time she was too scared to even sit on it.

Will update again soon, really hoping we're on to something good!!