Is 'ready' a thing?

[dunkindoughnut]

I'm so confused by the conflicting advice on potty training.

Lots of websites say to wait for signs of readiness. I don't think my son is showing any at all. He doesn't seem to know when he's pooing at all, so we don't get any warning either. He's 2.5.

But then the Eric website (who I was under the impression are the experts?) say they won't ever just be 'ready', you have to teach him them like you would any other skill. Which makes sense I suppose.

I now I feel bad we've left it so long without putting any effort in or laying any of the groundwork.

Tried potty training for a day or so. Not a single wee or poo in the potty and several in the trousers so we've stopped again.

Should I wait or do we need to try harder?

This is anecdotal but from children I know, boys often don't display readiness signs but need to be pushed a bit more.

We used the Oh Crap method and it worked well with our boys

My DC wasn't really. I knew they had a degree of control because they would with regularity fill their nappy just as I put them to bed so they had to get up to be changed. No matter if I altered bed time slightly.

So anyway I invested in training pants which unlike pull ups actually feel wet although they have a waterproof layer plus I took my DC to the toilet/potty at set times to establish a routine of using the toilet/potty. Rewards other than praise were really neither here nor there with them. They could actually be counterproductive because my child used to cry if they felt you were offering them a reward for stuff they didn't want to do.

I do think you need to get them into the routine of going to the toilet even if they still go in their nappies, do you know when he poos I'd go with that sign and put him on the/potty, i think the readiness comes with routine of taking them for a wee and poo.

It’ll be easier if they’re capable of following 2 step instructions in other contexts and expressing other needs e.g. hungry, thirsty. Physically they’ll be capable, ie they have the muscle control, pretty much as soon as they’re walking. It’s the communication skills and being able to understand what they’re being asked to do that I would wait for.

I don’t think they need to be aware of when they’re weeing, modern disposable nappies are so good they might never realise this whilst still in nappies, not all kids hide to poop, or are bothered by sitting in it and stuff like taking trousers up and down isn’t necessarily needed either as you’re still going to be helping them a lot even when fully trained as they won’t be wiping properly until 4.

2.5 is usually a good age to train, 3YOs can be really stubborn so I think I trying before than can be easier. Worse case scenario you try it for a week and because he’s still young you can reset and go back to nappies without stressing about starting school or anything like that. You won’t know what he’s capable of if you don’t try.

His communication is very good, he's quite capable of following instructions.

He was quite happy to sit on the potty, read a few books, have a bit of a chat, but then he announced he had 'finished now' (he hadn't done anything) got up, then 5 minutes later weed in his pants.

10 minutes after that, he weed in the clean ones I put on.

Later, did the same thing - pooed in his pants and said 'change my nappy now?' Even though we'd just sat on the potty.

I just feel like he doesn't seem to know when it's coming. He does poo a lot. About 4 or 5 times a day, so it's impossible for me to predict from the outside.

So he was aware he’d pooed? That’s good- learning when they’ve gone is the first stage of the process. If he wasn’t aware before and is now, and wants changing then that’s progress. Learning that it coming is the very crux of potty training, you are not going to get that level of awareness right away. Initially it’s about catching it and letting them make the connection.

With pooing, the frequency will likely decrease when he’s trained, there’s a reflex that means they’re likely to poop about 30 minutes after a meal so that could be a good time to try. Squeezing play doh and blowing bubbles whilst on the potty can also help. Then up the fluids, keep the potty within arms reach and lots of regular tries. Eventually you’ll catch something, give lots of praise (or a small reward like a smartie) and it’ll start to click. Or at least that’s the idea!!

My kids hated it but for some going bare bummed for the first few days can also help- underwear can recreate the muscle memory of a nappy and sometimes seeing it happen can cause things to click. Maybe worth considering if he’s not bothered by wet pants? It also gives you the opportunity to catch it mid stream in the potty and that sometimes helps them learn too.

Thanks for taking the time to write that @InTheRainOnATrain - all really helpful. Going to buy some smarties and pull-up nappies today, although will give the bare bum a try too.