Never says he wants to go to the toilet

[Duckbilldrip]

I started potty training my DS a few weeks before his third birthday. It’s been a slow process and we aren’t there yet but he is holding onto wees. What does trouble me a bit is that he’s never said he wants to use the toilet or indicated he needs to go. If you don’t take him reasonably regularly he just wets himself. We also haven’t really made any progress with poo. Any advice? I’ve already looked on ERIC.

[UpsideLeft]

They're going to wet themselves that's a given

They just need to figure it out

because they're now wearing normal pants and not nappies anymore they should feel when they need to go and will then just go

[UpsideLeft]

Might help having a couple of potties dotted around the house so he can reach it quick enough to prevent accidents

[Duckbilldrip]

This is what I’m saying though … he doesn’t. He never instigates going, does that make sense? Of course he’ll have accidents but we are 3 months down the line and he doesn’t say he needs a wee or go to the toilet himself.

[UpsideLeft]

I'm pretty sure my DC sat on their potty for ages till they felt they needed to go

Just sat on it in front of the TV

Some DC however genuinely can not feel the sensation ms we do when we need to go or just don't really know what that feeling is

I'd be inclined to give him loads to drink so he'll really feel that he needs to go

It's easier in the summer esp if you have a garden

[oldpawn]

My DD never admitted to needing one, even when it was really clear she needed to. We kept insisting, she kept refusing. It became a battle. She kept having accidents. In the end, we solved it by stopping all mention of the toilet. Never asked if she needed. Never asked or told her to go. If/when she had an accident we were factual - 'oh, you've had an accident. You need to get changed'. She'd have to get her new clothes, change herself, put the dirty in the wash. Eventually she just got on with it. Hope this helps.

[Duckbilldrip]

It's easier in the summer esp if you have a garden I am guessing you mean going naked? But he’s a long way past that or should be, we started training end of November so by summer we will be some eight months down the line.

[Duckbilldrip]

Thanks @oldpawn the weird thing is he doesn’t tell us when he’s wet. I’ve never made a thing of it he just doesn’t seem to care?

[PurBal]

We started in October. It’s hit and miss. He’s come on a lot in the past 3 weeks but it’s still 50-50 as to whether he’ll have a fully dry day. I often have to insist he tries the toilet. I know people have overnight successes but the average time for potty training is 6 months (which means some children will take longer).

[Danikm151]

Have you read many potty books with him?

The bing toilet train book and no more nappies were great for my son.

we had the whole not saying when he needs to go or saying no if i asked him. i just started saying “let’s go toilet/potty”
had a potty in the living room.
worked a treat.
loads of praise when he went and then “oh dear, let’s get clean if any accidents”

he’ll get there!

[Duckbilldrip]

Thanks @PurBal . We’re in much the same boat, I can’t honestly say we’ve made any progress with poos but I think he may be a bit constipated which probably complicates matters. However wees … he’s fine IF you make him go to the toilet every hour or so. It just worries me after the news recently as if he starts school he won’t take himself to the toilet or say he needs to go so everyone will think I haven’t bothered training him and I have may be over thinking

We read pirate Pete and a bing book. He didn’t seem very interested 😆

[NoCloudsAllowed]

You could try a happy medium 'we're going to do some painting. You haven't been to the toilet since this morning so I think you need to go. Do you want to go now or after the painting?'

Which makes him choose but it's still a bit under your control

[Danikm151]

Have you seen the toddler club toilet song?
or the cocomelon toilet song
steve and maggie- put your botty on the potty do a poo

catchy songs can make it fun too.

[Duckbilldrip]

@NoCloudsAllowed

You could try a happy medium 'we're going to do some painting. You haven't been to the toilet since this morning so I think you need to go. Do you want to go now or after the painting?'

Which makes him choose but it's still a bit under your control

I think I’m being a bit unclear sorry … he’s happy to go to the toilet when you say so. What worries me is that several months on, he’s never volunteering this information and so if for whatever reason I don’t take him, he ends up wet. Fine with me but not fine when he starts school!

[Autumn1990]

Mine did this for ages then suddenly switched and now does stealth wees and poos when I’m not looking on one of many potties round the house

[NoCloudsAllowed]

@Duckbilldrip

I think I’m being a bit unclear sorry … he’s happy to go to the toilet when you say so. What worries me is that several months on, he’s never volunteering this information and so if for whatever reason I don’t take him, he ends up wet. Fine with me but not fine when he starts school!

I meant, he has no option about going but needs to decide for himself how urgent the need is, which is a step towards asking to go

[Danikm151]

When you get that funny feeling way down low just stop what you’re doing and go go go. Repeat constantly and the message will sink in.

soon he’ll be declaring he needs the toilet- even at really inconvenient times 😂

[Duckbilldrip]

@NoCloudsAllowed

I meant, he has no option about going but needs to decide for himself how urgent the need is, which is a step towards asking to go

I don’t think he’d respond to it unfortunately, he just tends to ignore ‘this or that’ type questions.

[jannier]

Do you encourage him to undress himself and do the first wipe down? Point out it takes a long time away from playing than if he had gone to the toilet?

[Duckbilldrip]

I don’t think he really minds … it’s odd. Plus a lot of the time he wets himself in the evening and I only realise when I’m helping him get undressed for his bath. I think it’s because at that time things are most manic so I’m less likely to take him to the toilet. But it shows that without being taken he wouldn’t instigate it himself which is a bit of a worry.

[TeenyTinyCrocodile]

One of ours was a bit like this and we'd had a couple of goes earlier on. So we waited for the good weather around May before they were going to start school in the September, switched to pants (or nothing, in the house), put potties upstairs and downstairs, and it took less than two weeks to be dry and potty trained from there, mostly done in a week. Nighttime dryness wasn't far behind. Different strategies work for different children.

[Duckbilldrip]

Sorry if I sound awkward, but what difference does removing pants make? I have read about this method but have to admit I really don’t like it and haven’t found it effective as I always seem to look away or pop out of the room at the critical moment!

He is able to hold on and does so which is good. And I can often see when he needs the toilet. But why won’t he say mummy I need a wee - so frustrating.

[Kayrose]

Looking for some advice my 2 year old has said he doesn’t want to wear a nappy anymore we have got him pants he’s not interested in the potty but will sit on the toilet however he just doesn’t wee. He hasn’t weed all day today not even an accident? I don’t particularly want to stop as yesterday we had a couple of wees on the toilet but I’m worried as that’s a long time not to go for a toilet?

[Kayrose]

@Kayrose

Looking for some advice my 2 year old has said he doesn’t want to wear a nappy anymore we have got him pants he’s not interested in the potty but will sit on the toilet however he just doesn’t wee. He hasn’t weed all day today not even an accident? I don’t particularly want to stop as yesterday we had a couple of wees on the toilet but I’m worried as that’s a long time not to go for a toilet?

As soon as I posted this! He said to me quick I need a wee it’s coming and went to the toilet! Typical but why is he not going all day lol

[Pinklilly]

@Duckbilldrip im in a similar boat with my daughter and what I’ve been told is they’ve got used to us prompting to take them. This is true in my case as at nursery my daughter goes herself no prompts.

so what I’ve done at home now is I don’t ask her to go but that alone didn’t work so I know when she needs to and I say listen to your body can you feel wee wee wanting to come out? She has started to say to me I’m listening to my body and I ask do you want to go and she says yes.
its quite convoluted I know and I would prefer a simple I want to go but the main aim was for her to capture that feeling.

effectively maybe you need to try and keep mentioning how it feels when you see him wanting to go. Does he go himself when out/ in a care setting etc?

[jannier]

@Duckbilldrip

Sorry if I sound awkward, but what difference does removing pants make? I have read about this method but have to admit I really don’t like it and haven’t found it effective as I always seem to look away or pop out of the room at the critical moment!

He is able to hold on and does so which is good. And I can often see when he needs the toilet. But why won’t he say mummy I need a wee - so frustrating.

I wouldn't he's passed that anyway just involve him in getting changed and reward him for asking