Potty training advice - should we give up and try later?

[LAgal15]

NC.

My DS is 3.2 years old and nursery are putting a bit of pressure on us to potty train him, claiming he is ready.

We are now on day 6 and it’s not really working. At nursery they are putting him on the toilet. At home we are putting him in pants and asking him to use potty.

He is sometimes using the potty but never gets on it voluntarily and isn’t telling us when he needs a wee, and he’s still having lots of accidents.

I also took him for a little walk to the swings today and he did a wee before we left, but still had an accident while we were out. I’m not going to ask him to use a potty outside in this current cold weather.

As we’re on day 6 and he’s still not able to tell us when he needs a wee, should we be giving up at this point and trying in a few months when it’s a bit warmer and he’s developed a bit more?

We also have a newborn in the house so this is making things extra stressful.

I’m speaking to a HV next week but also thought I’d get some views here. Thanks :)

I would have continued until you mentioned the newborn. This will throw everything into chaos. Stressful for you and he may milk the attention that accidents achieve.

Id be tempted to park it for a month or so and then try again in the spring.

Are there any SEN involved? If not, I would persevere, as he's rather old not to be trained.

No SEN concerns currently. He is a bit delayed in speech and has had delayed mobility due to hypermobility and hypotonia, hence we didn’t attempt it last summer.

In my friendship group, it is interestingly the girls that are trained and the boys that still aren’t, also with no SEN concerns. The research we’ve read suggests it’s by age 4 that they should ‘get it’, so we’re not massively concerned at this point. It’s not long ago that he was only 2.

I would leave it and try again in a couple of months. Maybe leave the potty lying about in the meantime. It’s much easier in warmer weather too!

Of course you take a potty out, at the start they need to wee every 20-30mins.

Try the oh crap method, no pants as they feel like a nappy.

You don't ask, you tell him to have a wee every 20-30mins. Lots of water so he has lots of practice

Sorry just to clarify, we did the first couple of days with no pants. But then he went to nursery so had to have pants on.

We are telling him to use the potty, that’s the only time he’s going on it. As I said in my post, he’s not getting on it voluntarily.

It was like 4 degrees outside today, so I wasn’t going to ask him to use a potty outside in a park. This is why I’m asking if we should wait for slightly warmer weather :)

Leave it for now, but try and get it done before baby is on the move! It will be more stressful when you need to sort DS out and can't just just leave baby on the playmat (Trust me, been there!).

Initiation takes a long time IME, it was months before it started with my kids! We were successful and avoided accidents by taking them on a schedule, starting at 30 minutes then working up to 2 hours. I’d probably try to plan shorter outings, schedule public toilet stops (stop at a cafe after the swings?) or as you have a boy a discreet wee in a bush is an option once he’s cracked standing up. Also, day 6, you’re still going to get accidents, not a big deal! Based on what you’ve said I wouldn’t give up as nothing implies he isn’t ready.

Thanks.
issue is that all this is very hard work to achieve while i’m looking after a clingy newborn and i’m exhausted. I’m posting this at 7.20pm and i’ve actually been up since 2.30am.

If you keep it simple and literally just plonk him on a potty or toilet every 30 minutes it isn’t massively hard work. I potty trained my eldest just before my youngest was born, so we were still deep in the me lead schedule with a new baby so I used to get Alexa to set a timer, which she responded really well to and would take herself when it went. Definitely forget Oh Crap which the author says is really for much younger kids anyway and it requires a level of intense watching you’re just not going to be able to achieve. Then when that’s going ok increase the interval to 45 minutes, then an hour etc. At playground find a bush! Or mostly stay home if it’s easier because I’m sure he gets loads of stimulation at nursery, and besides mostly the weather is awful! But if you really can’t handle it right now then take a break for a couple of months. The readiness isn’t going anywhere and you’re not in a rush for a school or anything so don’t stress it. You have to be as ready as he is!

Personally I'd persevere. DS was still having loads of accidents at this point and got the hang of it around day 10. But if you're knackered and would rather try again in a few months then that's ok too.

My boy twin is 3 and you definitely need to persevere.

With the recent crap weather not being able to go out I think I've largely followed the oh crap method (not sure as I've never read it!)

Day 1 - said no more nappies. Naked from waste down. Filled him up on juice - asked regularly.

From what I've observed he does hold his wee a pretty long time - but once he's done his wee he'll then do another fairly shortly after - which is what I suspect happened with your son OP and the park - he went before he left and then had an accident about 20-30 mins later?

Mine refuses to use a potty. Won't sit on it at all. So I have an insert for the toilet.

Day 1 maybe 3-4 accidents then rest of the day did them all on the toilets

Day 2-10 largely no accidents at all

Day 4 - loose jogging bottoms and no pants

Day 6 - pants

I used to get Alexa to set a timer, which she responded really well to and would take herself when it went
Oh and to add - she got a small sweetie for going- an m&m or skittle usually (if in the UK smarties would be perfect!). Can’t be arsed with a fight with a new baby to deal with!

Thanks. We also have an insert for the toilet but he won’t sit on it.

We’re at day 6 and still having 10+ accidents a day. He won’t even tell us when he’s had a wee in his pants.

Thanks everyone for your replies, really appreciate it. I think this was just stupid timing to start it. I couldn’t do it earlier, I was unwell for most of my third trimester. And now I have 6 week old refluxy baby who only naps on me and i mostly deal with the 2 kids by myself.

I think today for the sake of our sanity and my sofa/carpet, we will try him back in nappies for a day but still ask him to go on the potty. My dh will take him to soft play with a nappy but also take the potty.