When do children typically ‘know’ they are weeing or pooing?

[Giltedged]

Our journey is not going very smoothly and I think my DS just doesn’t understand or recognise when he is having a wee or poo. It’s only after the event if you like.

When does this happen? I know for most children it seems to be at some point between 18 months to 3 but we seem a bit delayed so wondering when to start panicking seeking additional support?

How old is he?

He was 3 last month so I know he ‘should’ have got it but hasn’t yet, unfortunately.

He’s only just 3, that’s totally within normal range. I wouldn’t worry that something wasn’t right until nearer 4(this is from experience with my own children and running a toddler room in a nursery). If it’s not clicking right now I would stop and try again in spring/summer.

Thank you

I’d say normal range was 2.5-3.5 years old so not to worry yet.

Thanks, I had been quite worried about it but think probably best left for a couple of months.

If it’s older people who are saying that he’s delayed then remember that before disposables, mums (yes, mums) trained much earlier because they washed reusable nappies then boiled them to clean them properly so wanted kids out of nappies earlier.

My ds didn't show signs until 3.5, but then once he'd got it he got it, so potty training went really smoothly and he barely had any accidents. Personally I'm glad we waited until he was definitely ready x

Thanks, this is very reassuring. How long would you give it before trying again?

My Das will turn 3 next month and he doesn't want to sit in his potty / toilet seat. He's scared !? I think. He wouldn't even consider sitting on one even if it's in his bedroom. I'm not sure if he will agree in spring/ summer either.

We've just potty trained DS2 age 3.5. it was our third attempt and he got it fairly quickly this time.

That said, how long have you been trying for? They don't learn to recognise when they are weeing until they've wet themselves a fair few times. Nappies are too good for them to feel it properly.
I think we gave up too soon the second time. I would recommend trying for 2 weeks if you can, then if no improvement wait a month or two.

Definitely worth chatting with the health visitor for tips of you are worried, but my experience with DS1 (who is autistic) is that you don't get any real help or referrals until they hit 4.

Thank you. I did contact the HV team on Tuesday but although they were lovely there wasn’t much they could suggest. They did recommend keeping him in pants and nursery have said the same, so will keep trying for a while. It’s just a bit of a worry that he really doesn’t seem to be ‘getting’ it.

My DS didn’t recognise it until he’d had quite a few days with no nappies and trousers weeing on himself. As soon as it started I would bring the potty to him and try to get a bit of wee in it.

Gradually I got better at noticing the signs and got him to the potty quicker. That was my job to recognise the signs at first, not his. After a week or so he started saying potty when he was about to wee.

What’s your approach been so far?

I’m only asking because I think some people’s expectations are not very realistic - they want the child to sit on the potty and “try” to wee. And expect the child should be able to suddenly stop weeing while wearing a nappy.

They’ve never “tried to wee” in their lives so they can’t consciously try. And they’ve been conditioned since birth to wee in a nappy. It’s not fair to expect them to suddenly do something different - if they’re wearing a nappy they can’t help but use it.

No ones trying to be unfair to him he isn’t told off or anything like that.

We put him in training pants (with some absorbent material to try to stop it going through to trousers - doesn’t always work!) and give him lots of praise when he has a wee on the toilet. He generally always does when told to but doesn’t initiate going himself and I’m not totally sure if he knows when he’s going or not. It is hard to tell.

I wouldn’t worry OP. We didn’t do any real potty training with our first DS. Around 3.5 he just started saying he didn’t want any more nappies. For a while we only did nappies overnight and then he also started refusing them. I think it’s easier when they’re the ones to let you know when they’re ready. Our youngest DS turns 2 this month and potty training hasn’t even crossed my mind yet!

Thanks @Rosiiee . I really hope that happens! I mean I am sure it wil, just hope he isn’t six or whatever

No ones trying to be unfair to him he isn’t told off or anything like that.

Sorry, I didn’t meant it like that at all. Just that some people have expectations that aren’t achievable and then wonder why it’s not working (not saying you do - just in general).

I think most of us are doing our best. He knows wee and poo goes in the toilet but obviously if he doesn’t know he is needing to have a wee or a poo it won’t be successful, which is what I was wondering here.

Hand hold!

My DS turned 3 in oct. We’re giving training a go this week and he is weeing in potty but only when we ask him to go on potty. In no way is he telling us when he needs a wee or sitting on it voluntarily.

I read it’s by age 4 so they might just need a few more months x

That’s reassuring @MariaVT65 ! I don’t wish extra laundry on you but glad it isn’t just us.

With dc3 they told me not to even start until he was 3 which surprised me.

He was resistant to using the toilet as he was lazy though - decided my nagging was more trouble eventually and started using the loo at about 3 months after his third birthday.