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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

3 and a half year old been potty training for six months

8 replies

HeyIsItJustMeOr · 20/12/2023 22:14

Like the title says, really.

I think he's making progress overall but it's really up and down. Think initially hating having an accident and wanting to get changed ASAP to deciding, actually, he was perfectly happy being sat around in dirty clothes. From being dry for an hour or two at a time to suddenly not being dry for even 15 minutes. From asking us to take him to the toilet or going himself to refusing to go even when it was VERY clear he needed to.

At the moment, he seems to be back to not being comfortable in dirty clothes and wanting to be changed if he has an accident, taking himself to the toilet most of the time but not always getting there in time.

He's at nursery during the week and at home at the weekend. At home, he's probably averaging one accident a day - some days he's completely accident free, others he might have two accidents but the accidents are usually of the "near-miss-while-on-the-way-to-the-toilet" variety rather than the "didn't-even-flinch-while-making-a-puddle-in-the-living-room" kind.

Nursery is a different story. He probably averages around three accidents a day - very occasionally he might have a dry day (like, maybe once a fortnight) but it's equally not uncommon for him to have five accidents. I suspect what is happening is he's getting very engrossed with toys or playing with friends and decides he doesn't want to pause the game.

DH has had enough and wants to take him to see a doctor. I sympathise but a) am not sure they'll do very much because DS does seem to be making (unsteady and slow but still) progress and b) am not convinced there's anything medically wrong and we won't just be met with "sounds like a distraction issue - he'll grow out of it". But I don't know - I've never done this before perhaps there is something more useful they can do?

Any advice? TIA.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Hercisback · 20/12/2023 22:16

I think you're right. He's a bit young for them to "do" anything and he is making progress.

Have you read the ERIC website?

YourNameGoesHere · 20/12/2023 22:17

Honestly put the poor kid back in pull ups and give him a break. Continuing for 6 months without having a break or seeking medical support is a very long time, he was obviously not ready.

tiggergoesbounce · 20/12/2023 22:18

What methods have you used to train them.
Consistency is key and setting them up.tp succeed.

Have you read the book "oh crap" its great.

Overthebow · 20/12/2023 22:19

It doesn’t sound as if he’s ready. It’s good to go at their own pace but 6 months and not yet toilet trained is a really long time. Maybe put him back in pull ups and wait a little while before trying again?

Serene135 · 20/12/2023 22:28

In my opinion it would be concerning if he was actively wetting/soiling himself and seemed
unbothered by it (can be a trait of autism). However, you mentioned that he is bothered when he has an accident and he is actively trying to use the toilet - having accidents because he’s not making it to the toilet in time etc.

Can you make a toilet more readily available to him (if you haven’t already)? When toilet training my children they had access to the toilet upstairs but they also had a potty in the hallway downstairs which they could get to quickly. If he is struggling to get to the toilet in time then you could move the potty around the house so that it is near him e.g. in the kitchen when he is in the kitchen. Him getting there in time to use it will motivate him to continue.

You could also try rewards to motivate him. My children loved sticker charts that I stuck on the bathroom wall. They chose them themselves and loved getting the stickers. You can change the goal too. The goal at first (to get a sticker) could be to get to the toilet when he needs to go. This could then progress to pulling the flush and washing hands etc.

ERIC is a great website. Also the health visitor will be able to recommend a toilet training expert who could help you (on NHS) if you are really struggling.

He will get it eventually!

mynameiscalypso · 20/12/2023 22:31

I don't think a doctor will do anything but it sounds miserable for him and for you. If he's having three accidents a day at nursery, he's really not potty trained at all. My DS was late in training; more like 3 years and 9 months. It was no big deal though. I'd leave it a few months and then try again personally.

gemloving · 20/12/2023 22:32

Nobody will see him at the age of 3. It's too young. Wait until he's 4, they're only really interested from the age of 5. They'll offer a blood test to rule out diabetes. Does he drink lots?

Blessedbethefruitz · 20/12/2023 22:34

Give him a break. My boy was super slow to catch on despite having a potty/pants/books and 1 oh crap attempt at 2.5 (because he 'showed signs' of being ready), but he's extremely 'his way or the highway.' He suddenly decided at about 3.5 that he was ready, and was day dry since immediately. He was the last in his nursery class apparently. We had a few poop accidents during constipation flare ups, but no one is perfect!

Sounds like he's not listening to his body (this can be nudged) and maybe also doesn't care when he's wet (this can't be nudged, in my experience).

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