Is this just what the early stages are like?

[Summermeadowflowers]

DS is three in a couple of weeks. I’ve been trying to potty train him but it isn’t going very well 😂

He will happily sit and wee on the potty but he shows absolutely no interest without prompting. No ‘I need a wee’ or attempts to go himself. I have to keep telling him over and over which isn’t practical indefinitely.

I don’t know if this means he isn’t ready but he ‘should‘ be. I know stressing about it is the worst thing to do but I have to admit I’m finding it a bit frustrating because he’s getting through so many pants and pairs of trousers and I don’t see how it’s practical for leaving the house for any length of time.

I don’t have a lot of confidence in my parenting and I can’t help but feel I’m going badly wrong somewhere as everyone else I know the same age has been toilet trained for a few months and seem to have had problems very much the opposite of ours like holding wee or poo in - this definitely isn’t our issue!

I personally think it takes a longer time for them to really know when they need to go. If he will go when you tell him, then just do that for now, regularly.
He will get there with it eventually.

Thanks @Whatsinthebag2 , that’s reassuring. How did you manage leaving the house? I try to get him to wee before we leave but he won’t/can’t always and then he often ends up wet.

Do you carry a travel potty round with you? I used to make them go in the potty in the boot of the car if we were driving. I did bribe with smarties too, I'm not ashamed to say 🤣

Why "should" he be? Honestly not quite 3 is still very young. A general rule I went by was "wait until they seem ready, then wait 6 months". I knew boys were also supposed to be later, and was not preparing to even think about it until DS was at least 3. Really doesn't sound like he is ready, save the stress and leave it for now.

(He actually surprised everyone by being v insistent on trying it at younger than 3 but he got it immediately, otherwise we would have just stopped).

Get the 'oh crap' potty training book. Was recommended to us by a friend and made it v easy. DD was just under three and sorted wees in three days and poos in a week. I think one accident of each since and that was 16 mo the ago. She is v away with the fairies and easily distracted too!
I was massively stressing about it and was surprised how simple it was when we read the book.

I think we’re a bit old for Oh Crap but in any event I’ve seen posts on here about it and a lot of it seems to be about recognising their cues and I really don’t think DS has any!

We do have a travel potty but if he’s at soft play or a park he’s unlikely to use it.

he shows absolutely no interest without prompting
DS2 trained young (before 2) but we are a year in and he’s only just started to ask to go!! So don’t hold your breath 🤣 But he’s been accident free for agesss we just plonk him on the loo every 1.5-2 hours. It really isn’t any hassle.
DD1 trained at almost 3 and I think it took about 6 months for her to reliably self initiate. She was accident free quite quickly but just reliant on being taken every 2 hours. She’s 6 now and the prompting doesn’t totally ever go away like you remind her to before leaving the house, we find a toilet before getting on the tube etc.

I think you’re doing fine? Just take him as regularly as is necessary and then as he gets the hang of it you can gradually increase the interval. And always before leaving the house and whenever you arrive at your destination.

Thanks @InTheRainOnATrain . It’s not so much it’s a hassle, I don’t mind that, but I dream of 1.5-2 hours. I feel like because I’ve no idea when he might need a wee I have to put him on the toilet every half hour or so, otherwise he just ends up wet. He does seem to be doing slightly bigger wees so I should probably chill on it. I’m just a bit fed up of the laundry!

We did oh crap with my DD. I didn't follow it 100%, we started at 2y9m but sacked it off after a couple of days as it was clear she wasn't ready. Tried again just after she turned 3 and we'd cracked it within 4 days.
I'd recommend you give it a read. You don't need to follow it religiously but it's a good start.

@Summermeadowflowers
A bit old? DD was the same age as your son and didn't have any cues either.
It's worked for a lot of friends.
He won't learn any cues if you are just putting him on the toilet constantly will he as you are prompting him. I think there's a difference reminding them to go the loo before you're going out and making them go to the loo every ten mins and making it stressful

I try to get him to wee before we leave but he won’t/can’t always and then he often ends up wet.
Also, we got past this stage v early on by refusing to leave until they went for a wee. And when you get one go immediately. Give yourself a v wide window to get anywhere initially, but do it a few times and they catch on. Again, this does not go away! I caught my SIL reminding my 12YO niece to go before a long car journey the other day 🤣

That works if it’s somewhere they want to go, @InTheRainOnATrain ! If it’s somewhere he’s ambivalent or doesn’t want to go anyway it’s not as effective 😂

I’ll look at Oh Crap, my understanding is it’s for children under 2. I’m also a bit squeamish about the naked part.

If every 30 minutes works do that religiously until he’s more often than not dry, then up it to 45 minutes, if that’s ok then an hour etc etc

Or you could look into Oh Crap. We didn’t do it but lot of people find it works well.

We are 4 weeks in. Started with prompting / insisting every hour, then every 90 minutes. When engrossed in something he could have an accident every 20-30 minutes. It was really demoralising. Otherwise he’d hold it but wouldn’t empty without prompting. But it has improved with time. I have started prompting less so he can learn his cues and he now asks (sometimes a little too late and a tiny dribble comes out) and I only insist before naps (no nappy) and when we’re about to go out in the car. Poo: literally had a break through in the last few days, he was holding it and then doing it in us pants but now he has started saying he needs to go but doesn’t always make it. He prefers the toilet to the potty on the whole. 3 times this week I have been woken to the sound of rustling in the loo, one of those times he successfully sorted himself out (the other two were poos so needed help). He wears a nappy at night so he needn’t have done. But I honestly can’t believe how far we have come. I had a mindset shift when I realised he’s not learning to use the loo, rather he’s learning to hold a bodily function that had previously come naturally. DS has always been able to go on demand but a friend of mine said she used a magic wand before going out to make going before getting in the car fun. We have used lots of stickers and praise and the reward of flushing the toilet!

That works if it’s somewhere they want to go
Oh yeah you start with ‘potty then playground’ (or soft play, or wherever he really wants to go) and mean it. Then it becomes a habit.

Thanks @PurBal , it’s really easy to think you’re doing something wrong when other children seem to almost have trained themselves! How old is yours?