Unique poo problem

[Oliviaspendlove]

looking for advice….. please help!!

I potty trained my son in April this year, hasn’t had an accident since day 1 (wee). He even done a few poo’s on the potty within the first few days, however since then he became erratic when he needed a poo and would hold it until he he had a nappy on at bedtime. He eventually agreed to put a nappy on during the day when he said he needed one (took about a month to get to this point)
This has now turned into him only having a poo in his cot, laying down with the lights off he will not even do one standing up or with the lights on. I have tried everything other than tough love. Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice? Or do I just try taking away the nappies and dealing with the meltdowns? I can see him being 18 and only pooing in bed 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

To be honest, I would just accept this is a phase and won’t last.

The last thing you want is to be in a severe withholding situation, so rather than getting tough with him, just ride it out.

How old is he? If you’re saying cot I’m assuming he’s quite little?

How old is he? Is he ready for potty training?? How does he get into the cot? What happens he says he needs a poo you put nappy on put him in cot turn light off he poo you get him out for cot and take nappy away? I don't get it. I don't think he sounds like he's ready?

Treat it as a phase. My eldest went through a phase of only every doing a poo in the bath!! We just kept offering a sit on the potty before the bath, and whipping out of the bath if a poo began and offering a chocolate button for finishing on the toilet. Don't get stressed about it, it's a phase

That's not a unique problem, it's quite common.

People recommend an app/book called something like poo goes to pooland.

Also bribes - poo on the loo and get a treat.

Or you could try cutting the crotch out of a nappy (sounds weird I know) and sitting him on the potty on that as a midway stage.

You can also make a bit of a joke out of it, sit him on potty when he says he needs one, do comedy straining noises and faces etc. Or get a novelty potty.

He turned 3 in august, just keeping him in the cot as long as possible

Seconding this.

What do you mean, tough love?

It's really common, he just hasn't quite got the hang of it yet and feels more secure doing what he's been used to. Calm and consistent encouragement without making a power struggle of it - he'll get there.

He turned 3 in august, yes he tells me he wants a poo and asks to go in his cot and lights off. If I try to deviate from this at all he has a melt down and holds it. Once he has done a poo we go to the toilet and rip the nappy off so he can flush it. He’s a clever kid and was more than ready

Well spoke to a health visitor today who basically told me to take nappies away day and night and don’t give in and see what happens

Tough love, definitely not. I’d make sure his diet is really good- lots of fibre, fruit and water so it’s easy for him to go and offer a bribe like wrap up of some small toys and put them in a basket next to the loo and say he can choose one whenever he does a poo on the loo.

I’m not an expert but I’d be worried this could cause withholding related constipation, then it becomes a much bigger thing with multiple overflow soiling accidents and being scared to go properly because it hurts.

If I thought he might respond to a bribe I would definitely try that first.

Iv spoken to a lot of health visitors/doctors/friends and pooing in a nappy is very common, even hiding to do one in their pants but one health visiting team told me to contact e.r.I.c because her and her colleagues hadn’t heard of a child only wanting to do it in the cot laying down in the dark 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thanks, Iv tried to not make it a big deal and always say yes to the nappy, Iv tried poo presents, reward charts, blowing bubbles, wearing a nappy sitting on the potty. Even put the potty in the cot 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Oliviaspendlove , I wouldn't do what the health visitor suggested with taking the nappies away. Your son is already withholding. If he withholds with the nappies completely taken away you could end up with a massive constipation problem.

My DD is toilet trained and withheld her poos. I too followed hv advice at the 2 year check of get rid of nappies completely and don't give in. She held her poo for 3 days. I finally asked nursery what to do and they suggested toys on potty as distraction and a high value reward for every poo on the potty until it becomes a habit. She has struggled with poos on the potty for months and we are still working on it. She has had mega constipation that has taken nearly 3 months and maintenance dose of laxative from the Dr to resolve.

Oh bless her! Thank you for sharing that x

Just a thought but the cot in the dark thing strikes me as possibly being about privacy, which isn’t unusual in over 3s. Could you turn off the bathroom light and then go away and leave him to it for 15 mins? Maybe give him your phone/ipad with something to watch to help him relax (and provide some background light). Then a high value reward if he does manage anything.

I agree with this, taking the nappies away will lead to him withholding, which will mean he'll be impacted. The disimpaction routine takes months, so while he is going let him go.

Also OP - I think once they’re potty trained it’s time to take the cot bars off. Especially as he’s over 3 it’s not really fair to not give the option to go to the loo whenever he needs it. If he could get up and go on his own he might just do it. Also a lot of 3YOs are capable of being dry at night and by keeping the cot you’re not giving him the opportunity to get up and go for wee either.

Thanks but he sleeps 12+ hours at night so that’s not a problem for us

DD is like this. Will only poo behind the nursery shed in our understaird cupboard or under my bed. It’s anxiety
offer support & dont listen to the HV

I meant first thing in the morning, not overnight! We had problems getting our eldest out of pull ups as we left her in the crib too long and she got into the habit of waking in the morning and purposefully peeing then and there. My 2.5YO is in a bed, dry at night and potters along to the potty first thing (after 12 hours sleep). And given the opportunity you may well find that if he can go solo to the bathroom for his evening poop he will do. But whatever you do good luck and remember it won’t last!

It's not unique, honestly!

My DD was the same until 4.5yrs despite being potty trained at 2. One day she just did it with no nappy and I made a massive fuss of her, she's been fine ever since. We used to ply games like her blowing my hand down which stimulated her more, we still do this if she's struggling and it helps get the muscles moving right.

DS did it straight off the bat when potty trained at the late age of 3.5yrs, he needs privacy though and always asks me to leave the bathroom.

They're all different and will get there at some point. I'd definitely not refuse a nappy as constipation isn't fun, DD has been on cosmocol since before she was 1 and it's had a big effect on her. I'd agree with PP to make sure the water intake is good and also plenty of fruit and veg, pears especially seem to help now I can't get prune pouches into her sadly.

I know this is an old thread from October, but if he's still doing this, I'd suggest sitting on the toilet with his nappy on. Then cutting a tiny hole out of it, making it bigger each time, until its big enough to poop through. If he likes the dark, you could turn off the light and have a torch in there.

Try the poo finder , such fun

wheresmypoo.com/