Accidents after starting school?

[ActualMermaid]

My DD turned 5 last month and started Primary 1 a few weeks ago. (We are in Scotland.) She also became a big sister in April, not sure if that's relevant but lots of big changes recently.

She seems to enjoy school. Some mornings she has a little cry and asks for extra cuddles when it's time to go in but she'll then walk in (a bit reluctantly) and come out every day happy.

Every day this week and last she has come out with wet pants. Today was the worst; I could see she was soaking but when we got home and I asked her to take her shorts off, I realised she'd actually pooped her pants too. She's also started having accidents outwith school. She has been successfully toilet trained since just before her second birthday and has rarely had accidents before this. Today was the first time she has ever pooped her pants and she was obviously embarrassed. She cried the whole way home.

The teacher hadn't noticed any of this, and hasn't mentioned anything to me, even though I asked her last week to make sure DD knew where the toilet was and how to ask to go. I hate the thought of my DD sitting in wet, smelly clothes all afternoon. She can be quite shy so I think she might just be scared to ask to go?

DD will not engage me in any conversation about it at all. It's like she shuts down and won't listen. Obviously I'm going to try to speak to her teacher on Monday but I was wondering if anyone has any experience or advice on how I can help my DD?

You need to speak to the teacher and let her know your daughter has wet everyday. Pull-ups might be suggested as well as toilet reminders.

You also need a GP appointment to rule out an infection, as 3 years of no accidents followed by one a day is worth investigating.

I hadn't even considered the GP @frenchnoodle! I'd put it all down to her being nervous. Thanks, will phone on Monday

I’ve had same with DD except for poo. School have been great. It seems that the lack of constant can you go for a pee please. Means she doesn’t go. So she isn’t brave enough to say can I go. She just waits for someone to ask her. Wee soul. I spoke to staff and now she is asked a few times a day and it’s stopped.

It's not unusual for kids starting in school to have an occasional accident - my DS did in Reception year after being fully potty trained for a good few years before. With him it was fear of missing out on fun with new friends and leaving it too late to get to the loo!

However if it is happening every day and the teacher is completely unaware that's a bit of a concern. You definitely need to make the teacher aware of what's happening so they can help with prompting a visit to the loo more regularly until your DD becomes more confident. I'm surprised they aren't doing this as a matter of course anyway - it's certainly been the case with both my kids when they started school that the teacher / class TA would prompt loo visits, at least for the first term or so.

Thanks @dinoice and @NanooCov. She is my first so I was really reluctant to be seen as "that parent" as I'm not sure what the norm is in terms of how the teachers ask kids about the toilet, etc. I've heard stories before about how teachers are adamant it's not their job to get kids to use the toilet, which I do agree with, it's just I think my DD is so shy and worried because it's all new to her. At home, with relatives, or out and about she will just go to the toilet herself or ask us if she doesn't know where it is so this is so unusual for her. A definite chat with the teacher on Monday and we'll go from there.

You won't be "that parent" over this, it's frequent enough to be a concern. Don't worry about that.