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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

3yr Daughter will only stand and pee/poo - Unable to potty train.

46 replies

summerlass · 21/08/2023 09:51

Hi, I’ve already added a post about my daughter and the problems I have with potty training.
She is 3yrs and 2mths old.

Lots of detail on my other post but I’m wondering if the issue I have is her fear of sitting and doing the toilet.

This morning I sat her on the toilet with her pull-up on and asked her to try and do a wee in her pull up whilst sitting. Told her she would get a reward if she did it. 5 mins on the toilet and she was distressed at the concept of sitting and weeing even in her pull up! She has always stood and peed which is why she never wets her bed at night too. She has been wearing underwear at nights for a while now and in even in the day but I give her a pull up to wee / poo.

Im starting to think now the fear she has is associated with sitting and weeing? It makes sense now as the one and only time she started to wee on her potty (after hours on it with activities to do) she was traumatised and started to stand as she peed. This really is strange.

Does anyone else’s child that’s a girl only stand and pee? Any tips on how to overcome this? She never sits and pees and I can’t remember as a baby when she last did this. She wont pee in the bath or her bed either.

Any ideas?

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Rachaelc2014 · 21/08/2023 21:09

Have you got her a toilet seat? Maybe she’s afraid she’s going to fall 🤷‍♀️ My son is 8 and he has to squat when needing to go for a poo which isn’t ideal but obviously I’m glad he goes to the toilet xx

Original poster

summerlass · 22/08/2023 00:30

@Rachaelc2014 Hi yes we have a toilet seat with steps attached and padded seat. She is not scared to sit on the toilet. Only to pee sitting

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Rachaelc2014 · 22/08/2023 01:35

h that’s good. Sounds like you have made it as comfortable as you can. I take it you have tried all the obvious as in reward charts, treats etc? My friend used to reward her daughter with taking her to “Home. Bargains” and saying ok because you did ……… you can spend ££ on what ever she was into at the time, she was set a certain amount as in £10 say and it was up to her what she did with it and she went to till and paid for it etc, made a real deal out of it, then same next time and so on granted it was a bit expensive but it really worked xx

Original poster

summerlass · 22/08/2023 08:49

@Rachaelc2014 Yes lots of attempts with rewards and I stand rewards. B&M is her fav place and there are things she wants. She really wants it but reality is another thing as it’s not enough to motivate her

OP posts:

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 22/08/2023 08:58

What would happen if you just refuse to let her have a pull up? Sorry if you’ve covered this in your previous thread, but I can’t see you’ve said here. Can you just run out of pull ups and not get any more and see what she will do then if she can no longer use one?

DrJump · 22/08/2023 09:33

Personally I would give it more time. Just stop any attempts for a few weeks or months. Everyone just relax not think about it. Then once once the pressure is off watch Tom's Toilet Triumph a lot. Then re start the potty process.

Original poster

summerlass · 22/08/2023 11:03

@MikeWozniaksMohawk I’ve considered saying they are all gone. My worry is when I previously potty trained her she would hold her pee and poo for such a long time. She has twice now needed antibiotics for urine infections so I’m worried the same will happen and constipation will kick in if she holds her poo also. I want her to be able to pee/poo so she does t hold it in as that’s not good.

OP posts:

Original poster

summerlass · 22/08/2023 11:04

@DrJump Hi will check that out thank you. I’ve stopped and restarted many times already. I don't push her in any way. Just Hoping I could get some extra ideas to try on here or to speak to another parent sharing my pain

OP posts:

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 22/08/2023 11:29

summerlass · 22/08/2023 11:03

Absolutely and I hope you didn’t think my question was judgemental, it wasn’t intended like that. There’s no benefit in doing something that is going to make her poorly - that would defeat the object especially if peeing were to become painful and something she might fear as a result.

Original poster

summerlass · 22/08/2023 15:49

@MikeWozniaksMohawk Not at all, appreciate everyone’s time to comment on my post to help xx

OP posts:

frenchnoodle · 23/08/2023 18:31

My advice is basically what is mentioned above, put the potty on a puppy pad and have her stand with he legs either side of it and go that way while standing / squatting.

Peachcat · 20/02/2024 05:42

Did you manage to figure out how to make her sit? I think my kid has a similar issue. Was thinking mainly it was a comfort issue so I might buy a padded trainer seat. Rewards, bribery, distraction - they didn’t work for us so in the meantime I’ve been training in pull ups as the potty 😅

Original poster

summerlass · 20/02/2024 09:51

Hi, sadly we are not much further long. I have managed to get her squat now when she wees but she still only does them in her pull ups. Just has a fear of sitting on the toilet with the lid open. She can even squat on top of the toilet with the lid down to wee. Good luck. Mine is stubborn so still struggling on

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TheRoseBiscuit · 09/03/2024 23:02

@summerlass , have you managed to make any progress?

My LO is almost three and pretty similar, so I'm interested to hear if you found a solution.

Original poster

summerlass · 09/03/2024 23:13

@TheRoseBiscuit Sadly no progress for me. I’ve commented recently on the post. Hopefully you can see it. It’s so difficult trying to overcome a mental block

OP posts:

FTMlife · 29/08/2024 17:28

My daughter is currently in the exact same boat. How did you end up getting past this? Would appreciate any advice :)

Peachcat · 30/08/2024 00:21

My kid is now using the toilet (with trainer seat) for pee. Her dad talked to her and that somehow convinced her to try. She’s been doing it for a week now. I still offer the nappy though in case she doesn’t feel like using the toilet. No advice but Dad might do the trick 😅

Original poster

summerlass · 30/08/2024 11:12

FTMlife · 29/08/2024 17:28

My daughter is currently in the exact same boat. How did you end up getting past this? Would appreciate any advice :)

Hey, so I’ve certainly had a ‘journey’ with my daughter. I’ve also had different advice from ERIC and UK bladder & bowel helplines and I’ve attended sensory courses to try and pinpoint what her issues are. I think with my daughter it was mainly behavioural as I eliminated everything else.
She had been in pants for a year, day and night with no accidents but would only wee and poo in a nappy.

In the end I thought enough is enough. I have to try something drastic to change this habit/behaviour. This was in April this year just 2 months before her 4th bday.
I created a poster from the ‘nappy fairy’ saying all nappies were taken away as she was a big girl. She cried her eyes out in the morning and had a bit of a meltdown. I told her she can’t hold her wee as she would get unwell. I offered her the potty or the toilet but she was refusing.
After 45mins of distress I suggested she crouch in the bath to pee and she agreed to try. She started to wee but it touched her feet and she freaked out. She asked to do it in the bath jug, so I held it for her in the bath and she did all her wee in the jug. This was a huge success as she had never weed before freely without a nappy. For the next few times she weed into the jug on the bath. Then I held the jug under her in the toilet to wee and that worked too!
Next step was I took out her potty insert (looks like a jug) - one of those potties that looks like a little toilet and you take the insert out to empty it.
I held the insert in the toilet for her to wee on and this continued a few times, then I put the insert into the toilet for her to wee on without holding it. Took some convincing for her to do that. She did it once or twice this but would still refuse to wee without me holding the insert and I thought she is creating this new bad behaviour. I then told her one morning when she woke up I was no longer holding the jug. She had to choose to wee in the toilet or the potty. I also have those steps / seat on big toilet so she is well supported and stable.
After more crying she eventually decided to pee on her potty! I could have cried!
She then continued to pee on her potty and a travel potty when out. After a week she moved to using the big toilet!

In that time she held her poo and it got to 4 days and I didn’t want to make her unwell. So I told her nappy fairy brought back some nappies for her to poo in only. She got co stop ateş from holding it so had to get laxatives to help her go. I just wanted to focus on mastering her pee! Especially before she starts school. She only ever poops at home after dinner anyways.
I’ve tried many times to get her to poo in a potty or toilet but she refuses again and again.
I have just got some laxatives from the doctor so I’m planning soon for the nappy fairy to visit again and I will give her one sachet a day to keep it soft and hopefully prevent her from getting blocked up. I’m trying to muster the strength to do this next as she is still pooping on her pull ups.

I found it was baby steps with her but I had to force it by introducing the nappy fairy. Once she weed on the toilet the nappy fairy brought her a present too.

You have to work out if it’s behavioural and if it is I learned you have to use the be cruel to be kind approach. It wasn’t easy but we made progress and she starts school soon and can wee in the toilet ❤️❤️

Good luck to you, be strong and you will get there xxx

OP posts:

kanchiniraj · 09/03/2025 04:52

Hi. You posted this 2 years ago. Is your daughter toilet trained now? My daughter has the same issue. She sits on the potty seat but she can do wee and poo only while standing up. Please suggest me what helped you with this

sashh · 09/03/2025 07:32

Could you get her to squat? You might have to hold her hands for her to balance. About half the world squat rather than sit.

Or could you get her to hover? Maybe put the potty in the bath in case she misses so it is an easy clean up.

Original poster

summerlass · 10/03/2025 20:12

kanchiniraj · 09/03/2025 04:52

Hi, it took a very long time and a lot of persistence. I got my her wee trained initially in April last year, 2 months before her 4th bday but perfect timing for start of school. She continued to poop in her pull ups. I finally tackled it and got her poop trained only just in December at 4.5 years old.
Lots of baby steps. I used the ‘nappy fairy’ and said she took her nappies away first time. She initially peed into a jug crouched in the bath. Then it was another big step to get her to wee on her potty. I then took the insert from her potty and held it under her on the toilet. It was honestly baby steps. Lots of tears but we got there. I had to force it as she wasn’t willing.
Her poop was incentivised with Santa bringing her extra presents. Again started on the potty before moving to the toilet.
I used a sachet of laxido a day to help keep it soft as she has a tendency to withhold and her blocked up. So many times we’ve had problems but it’s do great she is now using the toilet. It can be done. Baby steps, and forcing it was necessary in our case. Good luck xxx

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