I have 3.5 year old boy / girl twins. DD was fully toilet trained before 3, although she's not yet dry through the night. DS took longer, but is now very reliable with wees and is dry through the night pretty much. He tells us when he needs to go can hold his wee whilst we're on the tube or whatever and need to wait to get above ground. But he STILL craps in his pants twice a day.
I'm getting really stressed about it, which I know is contra ALL the advice, but the situation doesn't seem to be changing at all. He can't or won't tell us he needs to go, although he'll tell us pretty much immediately it's happened. Sometimes I manage to catch him mid poo if I watch him like a hawk. as he usually goes about an hour after he wakes up and when he's been racing about. But like I say, mostly he just poos himself as he goes about his day. If I ask him why he didn't tell me, he tells me to stop talking. So he's obviously embarrassed or at least knows it's not right.
I worry because he's moving from nursery to pre-school in September and he's supposed to be able to use the loo independently by then. (Nursery haven't been insanely helpful has to be said - keeping him in nappies since he kept messing his trousers. I do understand why though). I'm also worried no one will want to be his friend if he smells of poo!
Partner is more patient, but is also away a lot so not dealing with the crappy pants as much. I don't know what to do to to. All the tricks I used with DD have failed (both rewards and consequences). Any advice? Please?