Potty Training - please help, resistant 3 year old

[ForeverAndEvers]

I'm looking for any experience that might help potty train my (just) 3 year old. We've been told he needs to be potty trained by the time he starts preschool in Sept but really struggling.

Since about 2.5 we've tried slowly introducing the potty, buying pants he likes, talking about it etc. to limited success so now trying doing it in one go. We're on day 4 and it's rough going! He has done a few wees on the potty but the main problem is he now just flat out refuses to sit on it (or the toilet as we've bought a kids seat too). I'm struggling to know what to do next as he clearly needs to go but just absolutely refuses to sit on the potty. Even when he has a success, and we do huge amounts of praise, he's really pleased but for about 5 mins and its back to hating it.

I've been reading loads and seems two chains of thought, one that they need to be ready and we should just try again later (preschool issue aside) or that we've already left it late so he's likely to be resistant now so we need to keep going.

Any advice? Or experience?

I'll start by saying I'm by no means an expert. I've toilet trained exactly one child at 2 years 7 months earlier this year. I read the gentle potty training book which largely made sense to me though. She says that the whole 'readiness' thing is a bit of a myth and that unless there are any specific SN issues all children should be capable of being trained between 2.5 and 3.5 so if his understanding is good you just need to persevere I think. They're always going to be resistant to it because nappies are all they've known. For the first few days my DD kept asking to have a nappy on but once I explained there were no more nappies (we've run out, you're a big girl now and big girls wear pants) she stopped asking and just got on with it. I do think she was quite quick to get it so I was lucky there and from what I hear a lot of children are more resistant so you'll probably get some more helpful advice from the parents of those children but my advice would be go cold turkey on the nappies and stay strong. It's a bit like teeth brushing and a non negotiable! I tried with my daughter at just gone 2 but was too wishy washy with it and when I tried the second time with no more nappies from that day on it was much smoother. Good luck! I was absolutely dreading potty training but once it's done it's such a relief!

36 months is in the middle of the normal range the preschool is wrong to insist. Piling on the pressure will make it worse.
I'd leave him in training pants so he can go if he wants but put no pressure on him for a week.

I listened to a podcast from a training expert with some handy tips -

having a decorated box/shoebox next to the potty with a book, fidget toys etc because it helps to have something distracting to keep DC on the potty for more than 20 seconds.

Also keeping visual rewards near the potty - a little box with a poo emoji and one with a wee emoji and ask DC are we going to get a 'wee' treat or a 'poo' treat.

Another thing she said helps is to have a pot of bubbles and let DC blow bubbles whilst on the potty because it's fun for them and helps relax their muscles encouraging them to go

She did say she has trained 1000s of children and whilst some get it in a few days, some it can take 6 months but if its making you and your child too distressed then they aren't ready so leave it for a couple of weeks and slowly try to start again otherwise you will get stressed out and child pick up on thats and will associate using the toilet/potty as being a negative experience and won't want to do it

Thank you @MrsSamR @Stade197 @jannier . Lots of useful advice! The pressure from preschool has definitely not helped the situation so think we need to take off the pressure.

Interestingly he hasn't asked for nappies back, he seems to like the big boy pants but we're just struggling to make the leap to therefore using the potty. I really like the idea of bubbles as he loves those - generally I do think part of the problem is he has lots of energy and he doesn't like to sit down for long so maybe bubbles might help.

Thanks again, I'll work my way through the tips.