Potty training - have I failed her?

[brummiemumm]

Our very bright 3.4 year old still isn't potty trained. We have tried what feels like EVERYTHING but each time we take away nappies she just cries hysterically and asks for a nappy, and holds her wees until she's back in a nappy. We've tried books, games, toys on the potty, various potties and toilet seats, had a potty since she was about 20 months old. She is a very sensitive child and also has had a history of constipation and painful hard stools which obviously hasn't helped matters. Now I feel like we've "missed the boat" and let her down not getting this sorted sooner. I read "oh crap" and it made me feel like the worst mom... and I just can't stop worrying that she'll be in nappies forever

*She is a nurse.
She has some great free resources.

My DD is a very anxious child and didn’t start potty training properly until 3.5yo - after one unsuccessful attempt 6 months before.
at one point she was in such a state - hyperventilating over needing a wee but not wanting to go and it was absolutely horrendous to get through! At one point I thought she would never get it, i think the full process took about 4-5 months before she was properly settled and dry all day! Don’t fret!

i would also get some laxido/movicol to help the constipation as that will be a vicious circle if she starts holding poops in! I would also take her to buy some big girl knickers - get her excited about whatever colours patterns characters she wants! And then I do agree that once out of nappies just go for it and don’t give in…! You got this!!

potty training in my experience was the hardest and worst stage so far! Even for my second DD we had trouble (different ones but still hard!) I remember thinking why does everyone seem to sail through this and I can’t get my head around it at all!!

and now they are 4.5 & 3 and both dry day and night!
it will happen!!

Oh and one other thing I ran out of nappies. So asked her to just try to be dry over night, I hadn’t had time to get to the shop, sorry, no problem if you have an accident, just try for me, because oh dear, none left, no biggie. Worked like a charm.

She knows when she needs to go which is brilliant and a massive part of potty training.

I’d start by having her in knickers and then taking her to the bathroom and sitting her on the loo/potty in her nappy when she asks to go. I’d then slowly start to remove the nappy. First by leaving the tabs undone on one side (or cutting on side of pull ups), then the other side, then gradually making the nappies smaller and smaller until there is just a small piece of nappy in the potty. It might take weeks and weeks but it’s about making the transition gradual and predictable.

If they are over 3 then there’s a fairly decent chance they’re already producing the hormone - probably about 50:50 so it’s not that surprising that it worked. Even more so if you get a sense that they’re making it through the night dry but are peeing in the pull up when they wake up - my DD did this for god knows how long but we eventually realised it was, sorry gross, but warm and pretty fresh. Removed the pull ups and voila she got up to use the loo!

It‘s funny, my almost 5yo has only very recently become dry at night and still has an occasional accident.

My 2yo has been dry most of the time for ages (and like you, I suspected that the wee was fresh in the morning when she did go). We’d run out of pull-ups so last night I just put her in knickers and reminded her that she needed to get up if she needed a wee. Woke up dry no dramas and declared she wouldn’t be wearing a nappy to bed again.

It really does vary massively!!

Oh, sorry, I didn’t explain well, this was exactly what she was doing! So it was a habit. But actually, I had really run out, so I didn’t want a big tantrum over no nappy & presented it as her helping me out, Making sure she went for a wee before bed (source of much angst previously) etc.

Potty training for a NT child is exactly that. Training. At the beginning you have to take the child every hour or two to use the child, then eventually they will want to go when they feel the urge. Do both of yourselves a favour - one weekend, get rid of nappies / pull ups during the day and just start with this. Use bribery if needed to trick her into staying dry in the day (visiting the toilet more often) - set up special toilet toys she can only play with in the loo. She’s old enough you could probably train her in 2 days if you did all of this.

Use the loo not the child lol

Have you looked at the Eric website lots of advice on training issues.

Might daughter wouldn’t go on the potty, she didn’t like the splashing. We got a Pourty toilet seat instead and a step and she much preferred that. She didn’t potty train properly until about 3 and a half. Mostly it was because she moved up to the big room at nursery and most of the kids there used the toilet. A little bit of peer pressure helped.

We had a very late toilet trained child, literally weeks ago and he starts school this Sep.

We had to literally just stop the nappies. He knew what to do prior etc but just wouldn't wee on the toilet so we had to take the issue (nappy) away.
It's worked a charm.

She' sounds like she's holding as she knows she'll get a nappy eventually.