Won't poo without a nappy

[fingerscrossed4this]

Hi,

I'm at my wits' end and don't know what to do. DS is 3 and a half and has been potty trained from when he was 3. All good and doesn't need a nappy at night time either. BUT, he refuses to poo in the toilet. When he needs to go, he will beg for a nappy. If I don't put one on him, he just won't go. He's gone 4 whole days without pooing as I refused to give him a nappy and on the 4th day I felt sorry and finally let him have one.

I've tried everything I can. Songs, bribes, videos. I've sat with him for hours rubbing his back and tummy to help but he just can't do it. Anybody with a similar experience? How did your DC change?

How can he just not poo? How does he hold it in? Surely it just comes to a point where it will just come out?

Nope. Kids can and do hold it for days - which can lead to horrid complications after.

OP - has your Ds said why he doesn't want to poo without a nappy?

Maybe try a potty? The splash can be a bit scary for them.

You could also try asking him why he wants the nappy and what he's worried about on the toilet. He might be worried about falling in.

If you don't already have one, one of those ladder seats that they can put on the toilet and climb up on are more comfortable.

Will he do it in a nappy buy whilst sitting on the potty?

then from there, line the potty with a nappy, then line with kitchen roll, then remove?? Gradually work up to the toilet?? Is it a fear of it landing in water?

@GoGoDancer you'd think so, wouldn't you? He just doesn't! He just holds it in. I don't know how but he does. I refused nappies thinking the same that at some point the urge would just make him go in the toilet. He wees fine in a toilet. Just won't poo.

To be honest, I used to do the same as a child when we went on holidays till I got used to a toilet that wasn't at home. I once went 6 days till my mum threatened to take me to a doctor.

My ds was just like this!

A few months after turning four he just one day pooed on the loo. I was starting to worry about it with school looming!

Try not to worry. I just let mine have a pull up and kept it low fuss. Sometimes I'd ask him to sit on the loo for a bit if I knew he might "go" but I never pressured him to. Eg after a bath I'd suggest he sit on the loo to blow some bubbles, that kind of thing. Just so he was used to sitting on there for longer than the five seconds it takes to have a wee.

There's a story and app called poo goes to poo land. My DS just informed me it was a nice story but untrue as poo goes down the sewers and then on to a water treatment plant. So it wasn't true and made no sense. 🙄 🤷 🤣 I've heard other kids enjoy the story and find it helpful though so worth a try ha ha.

My son was like this for a while. Potty trained with wees very easily about 2.5 but still wanted a nappy for poo. I was worried about constipation/instilling fear of toilet so just let him. I suggested it every now and again and one day he just decided he would try to sit on the potty with his nappy on to do a poo. When he was comfortable with that we did nappy in potty but not fastened. And after some more time without nappy at all.

I really didn’t want to push it as was worried about constipation/soiling all the things I didn’t fancy having to deal with. I probably took a bit of a lazy approach but he cracked it before he started preschool at 3 and 3/4 just after Christmas and hasn’t looked back.

maybe just take the pressure off for a bit and then try a different approach. They all get there in the end.

@OchonAgusOchonOh I've tried a potty but he won't use that either.

@RosaSkye I tried that too but he wont sit on the toilet with the nappy. He gets off it, poos and then gets back on.

@LadyBirdsLoveEm @Iamaneggman I'm so relieved hearing your experiences. My son will sit on the toilet if I ask him to. He'll stay there for hours but just won't poo. He once spent almost 3 hours as I knew he desperately needed to poo but he just sat there. When I saw how exhausted he was I gave in and put on a nappy and it took him seconds to go. I'll just keep trying then and wait.

The other thing is he is at nursery full time but he's always only poo'ed at home. So while there he's never in nappies and they don't even realise he's not fully 'potty trained'.

Same experience here! Apparently it's quite normal and nothing to be hugely worried about. DD (between ages 2-4) absolutely refused poos unless it was in a diaper and would hold it in until it gave her awful constipation. So logically, it was far more important that she did a poo rather than where it was. I always offered her a diaper if I could see her needing to poo. I've seen tips of cutting a hole in the diaper and making a child sit on the potty but that seems too much of a hassle.

The only thing that helped was just time. Sometime around 4.5 DD suddenly didn't mind the potty and started pooing inside without fanfare. She occasionally still asks for a diaper but increasingly less often. I'm not concerned at all that she'll switch over the toilet/potty eventually.

It just requires a bit more planning as it's awkward of course to have a 4 year old in diapers in public. I allocate a bit more time at home after meals and before bed so she can either sit on the potty or have a diaper if she wants it. It's only used for poos and she wears underwear before and afterwards.

Why can't he just poo in a nappy then?
My dd did this for months, then one day she just started to poo in the potty without any stress.
Honestly, using nappies is so much easier than turning it into a big issue and causing withholding. He's already shown you he'd rather hold it in than use the loo.

Same with DD here! I don't think that's a problem as long as he's regular. I never pooed a single time at school or university in all of 17 years 😂. While adults don't wear diapers, you'd be surprised how many have quirks related to toilet habits. Plenty of people only want their own toilet, and the familiarity is probably why some kids prefer diapers.

Having worked in childcare until recently, I cannot begin to tell you how common this is, if that helps

How’s everyone managing with this?
im in the same boat and just don’t know what to do any more; the frustration brings me to tears. I will sit with my son and let him draw on the toilet with wipe pens so he’s spending time there but relaxed; he will draw for an hour sometimes and when I ask him gentle to try for a poo he will “fake squeeze” or say he doesn’t need to go and as soon as a pull up is on he will do it within seconds. I just don’t know what to do about it anymore. He’s been dry for months now but poo is a no go 😭

@Boymum19 I've only just seen your post. I'm letting it happen when it does. Nothing seems to be working for now but I know this won't last forever so I'll just wait. I feel your pain.

DD was like this. Not Amy more she's 12. It's one of those things where you are stressed at the time then you look back when it resolves and laugh.

Time and bribery.

Looking for advice….. please help!!

I potty trained my son in April this year, hasn’t had an accident since day 1 (wee). He even done a few poo’s on the potty within the first few days, however since then he became erratic when he needed a poo and would hold it until he he had a nappy on at bedtime. He eventually agreed to put a nappy on during the day when he said he needed one (took about a month to get to this point)
This has now turned into him only having a poo in his cot, laying down with the lights off he will not even do one standing up or with the lights on. I have tried everything other than tough love. Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice? Or do I just try taking away the nappies and dealing with the meltdowns? he turned 3 in august but I can see him being 18 and only pooing in bed 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

My nephew was like this until he was nearly 6, just suddenly decided on his own that he wanted to use the toilet one day and no problems ever since. I think it's probably just one of those things where you have to be patient and let things run their course.

My son was exactly the same OP but he was over 4 years old until he stopped doing this.

I tried all the tricks of the trade, including withholding nappies, but it did nothing except cause horrific constipation.

I first spoke to his HV when he was about 3yr 8m and she said that if we continue to turn it into a battle then we are going to just make things worse so she advised we stop trying to force him to change his behaviours and just put a nappy on for a poo whenever he asked and not make a big deal out of it. She said to treat it as though it’s as commonplace as him brushing his teeth (I.e not worthy of any mention) and reassured us that like with everything, he would grow out of it.

I did as she advised and admittedly when all the stresses surrounding it were removed it all seemed like so much less of a battle or a problem. I did continue to have worries but after a few more months he did then start asking if he could “try” doing a poo on the toilet. For a few months he would “try” but not be able to go and so we’d just congratulate him for having a go and then put his nappy on for him. After a few months of this “trying” he then seems to out of nowhere starting using the toilet for his poos and he didn’t ask for nappies anymore.

So in conclusion, we just backed off from the fighting and as he realised we were happy to go at his pace and he grew in confidence with trying to poo in the toilet it all worked out right in the end.

I've had some luck and it's now three weeks since he started using the toilet. I didn't do anything new. I think he decided it was time!