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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Wees in toilet but poos in knickers!

26 replies

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/07/2023 13:14

My DD will be 3 in October. We potty trained around April time and she got the wees straight away with very few accidents. However she still poos in her knickers! She knows when she's going to do it as she goes to the same spot in the house. I've tried trying to get her to keep sitting on the toilet or potty, reward chart, bribery! For a while she was holding it in and getting constipated, we managed to stop this and now she just happily poos in her knickers daily.
Her communication is really good and I'm sure she understands what she needs to do but I feel like she is making a choice to do this now!

Any ideas please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Teenhelp1234 · 20/07/2023 13:16

She’s not ready. Just use pull ups so you’re not dealing with a load of poo-y washing and so she can carry on pulling down to use loo for a wee.

Try again in another month or two.

She’ll get there. Xx

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/07/2023 13:18

Thank you really appreciate your reply. I had considered that but she loves her knickers and as it's now been a few months I feel like this would upset her. I agree she's perhaps not ready for the poos but because she got the wee so quickly I thought the poos would follow and they just haven't

OP posts:

Cindan · 20/07/2023 13:21

We had this problem. I bought 15 or 20 small toys/gifts and wrapped them up. Showed her them, and Told her she could have 1 for every poo she got in the potty.

There were a few more accidents, but by the time I had used up all the gifts the habit was established and has been pretty good since.

TropicalTrama · 20/07/2023 13:32

She’s definitely ready if she’s nearly 3, is completely dry and has enough control over it to go to a specific spot every time! If you’re absolutely certain constipation is no longer an issue then it’s behavioural. I would watch her like a hawk for when she’s going to that spot and whisk her to the loo to try for 5 minutes- if she’s reluctant to sit then read a book or if you’re really desperate let her watch something on your phone, and lots of praise for trying. If it still continues you might want to consider a quick immediate consequence like removing the toy she was playing with- we did this with our DD on the advice of the Oh Crap book and it worked, pretty much immediately.

misspositivepants · 20/07/2023 13:35

We had this problem,, tried bribing and all that jazz, and ultimately gritting my teeth and ignoring it was worked. The more I made a thing of it through gentle reminders, stickers, prizes, consequences just did the opposite. Once I ignored it, didn’t even talk about the accidents was when we got improvements.

mynameiscalypso · 20/07/2023 13:38

I don't think it's that unusual, certainly not based on a couple of parties we've been at with DS' friends from nursery who are all around that age. Most parents were struggling with poos even for children who were successfully potty trained a while ago. DS is okay but, unlike wees which he can hold for ages, the urge to poo is pretty much immediate. We watched him like a hawk and stick him on the potty as soon as he starts jiggling and he's learnt to recognise the signs himself albeit it's sometimes a rush to get him somewhere safe!

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/07/2023 13:40

I think all these ideas make sense! At the moment we have been just going with it and reminding her when she does it that she needs to use the toilet, she says sorry (which we don't ask her to do, she just does it) we reassure her, then does it again the following day.

I think I will try the gift idea and if that doesn't work then ignore it completely. I like the gift idea because at the moment we have a reward chart but the concept is quite abstract to her I suppose because she can't physically see a reward.

OP posts:

Catsonskis · 20/07/2023 13:41

We had the exact same, also potty trained in April. Got poos down straight away then 3 months ago just suddenly started doing all her poops in her pants, multiple a day. Persevere with the same consistent messaging and offering treat/making a massive deal of even the smallest success turned our experience around after 8 week of poo-gate!

very normal, very frustrating, but she will get it!

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/07/2023 13:43

When she does it I immediately put her on the potty or toilet and put the poo in there so she can see where it goes, but it's not working like I thought it would.

My first dd never had this problem but there wasn't the distractions there are now. This dd has older siblings and a much more hectic lifestyle so it's understandable i think

OP posts:

TropicalTrama · 20/07/2023 13:46

we reassure her
You’re not saying anything like ‘it’s ok’ are you? Because you don’t actually want to be giving her the impression that it is ok. At best you want to be neutral something like ‘oh dear, poo goes in the toilet, let’s clean this up and tomorrow let’s try to get to the loo in time’.

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/07/2023 13:48

@TropicalTrama I probably do say that when she says sorry, I suppose it's a natural response. But then tell her poo goes in the toilet and to try and tell me when she needs it. Maybe I should be more direct

OP posts:

24Dogcuddler · 20/07/2023 13:58

Is she worried about the poo going down the toilet or her bottom being splashed?
If the great suggestions on here don’t do the trick you can look at Eric website or google Poo land. Various versions including you tube videos.
Glad you got the constipation sorted. If that returns try getting her to blow bubbles whilst sat on the toilet. A good distraction and helps to relax the muscles.

TropicalTrama · 20/07/2023 13:59

I personally think language is really important even to little ones. I totally get you on natural response to her saying sorry but inadvertently you are quite literally telling her it’s ok to poo in her knickers and probably giving her the impression it doesn’t actually matter all that much. You could say something instead like ‘there’s no need to be sorry but next time go to the toilet earlier because that’s where poo goes’. And maybe she just needs more prompting from you. As well as the regular spot is there a time it usually happens? Try and pre empt it. That plus the wrapped toys for successes and I think you have a good game plan. Good luck - you’re definitely not alone and she will get there!

Changedmynameforthis55 · 20/07/2023 14:03

We had this exact problem when potty training. I took my little boys pants away once wees were mastered and kept reinforcing to tell me when he needed a poo. Without the safety blanket of the pants he told me and then I gave him lots of praise. Did that a few times and then put pants back on. However I will say my little boy will not poo in public - it has to be on the potty in the bathroom with the door shut and then he locks it!

Luckydog7 · 20/07/2023 14:04

It took weeks after mastering weeing with both mine. It took one traumatic incident at the playground for my son, no incidents since. My daughter was much harder and in the end we just started getting her on the potty every hour or so and then hoping to catch a poo. Massive praise when she did.

donutosaurus · 20/07/2023 14:07

We had the exact same thing. My DD knew when she needed to go but just did it in her pants 🙈

I tried bribing her with a sweetie of her choosing from the local newsagents (which is an old fashioned newsagent with lots of sweets/ pocket money toys) and since this she hasn't had an accident! Find her bribery point and hone in. It's not forever, just long enough to break the habit and create a new habit.

Good luck! You're almost there!

notsurewhattowrite · 20/07/2023 15:15

I had this problem with both my kids, it was incredibly frustrating (and messy!) I bought the book "Peek a Poo- what's in your nappy?" and read it with them.... and it worked for both of them, they both began using the loo! Could have been the book or just the right timing but worth a shot!

asilikeit · 20/07/2023 15:32

My now 5 almost 6 year old was very like this. She didn't do it in her knickers but like clockwork would want a nappy put on before bed , would go to the bathroom , do what she needed to and then would want it off immediately. It was hugely frustrating as she's so bright and her communication was excellent , she just had a fear of doing them on the toilet. Never had wee accidents ever. She just decided one day to use the toilet for them and that was that. I look back now and wonder why I stressed myself out about it so much ,

HooverIsAlwaysBroken · 20/07/2023 15:38

My youngest was like this. I used her siblings to help (always running after them, hectic so little time)

established what time youngest DD usually did a poo.
found a film all three wanted to watch. The film was only on as long as you best DD was on the potty.
promised chocolates for poo in the potty.

she had the most amazing support from her older siblings….

Mum7644885 · 24/07/2023 11:39

OP we are having the exact same issue as you, I’m thinking it will just get better in time and we just need to be on her and the second we think she is doing her ‘poo face’ as we like to call it, rush her to the loo, I’m hoping it will get better in time if we just keep reinforcing that she needs to use the toilet for poos also etc, it is super frustrating though

Nearlyamumoftwo · 05/08/2023 13:19

@theworldhasgoneinsane suggest she goes commando until she gets it. Knickers mimic a nappy so she feels protected and just goes. Appreciate she’s got wees, but this really could be the reason. Give it a go

CurlyTandtheTangles · 05/08/2023 13:27

As an other person said, the ERIC website is useful.

One of my children had a fear of pooing in the loo (the drop down, the splash). So we would use a nappy as a like a bizarre hammock over the loo. This lasted a few months and then confident to go without a poo hammock.

Good luck but I think you are nearly there

Ljordan13 · 08/08/2024 08:09

@theworldhasgoneinsane is there an update on this as my son is exactly the same. We have been training for 5 weeks and wees have been amazing with him being dry at night too!

He will just not poo and it’s definitely a psychological issue. He’s been on movicol since February due to witholding.

Just need a bit of hope x

ETB2023 · 21/03/2026 21:34

Hi, just wondering if OP @theworldhasgoneinsane or @Ljordan13 had any luck with any methods here? My DD is going through the exact same thing but it has been over 3 months now 😩

Ljordan13 · 21/03/2026 22:45

Yes! My son is now 4.5 and completely fine. It took us following a movicol disempaction regime to crack it but we got there in the end it was about 4 months in total.

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